Enchanted Girl
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- Joined
- Aug 8, 2010
- Messages
- 137
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Let me start this out by saying that I've always been the shy, nerdy girl with glasses. Men don't notice me and I didn't have my first relationship until I was 19. I am very loyal in relationships and I fall in love really hard when I do.
Anyway, the last time I posted in here, it was because my first boyfriend, my boyfriend of five years, who was my first love, who proposed to me, who I thought I would marry broke-up with me. I was extremely suicidal at the time. Him breaking up with me impacted my life so much that I can tell I'm a different person now. I've changed religions. I tried alcohol. I made more friends and started doing crazy things that I've never tried before.
Eventually, I met this new guy. He was extremely attractive. My heart pounded whenever I was near him. I thought he could never like me like I liked him. He was out of my league. I hung around him because he was a friend of a friend, but eventually we started talking and he asked me to hang out with him alone.
We talked for awhile and I went with him to walk his dog. He told me that my eyes were beautiful and that I was intelligent. He grabbed my hand and stared up at the stars with me. Eventually he kissed me and the next day he was calling me his girlfriend.
He's improved my life in so many ways and we've been dating for several months now. We even moved in together.
Anyway, all of a sudden, I received a phone call. It was my ex-boyfriend. We hadn't spoken for a long time, but he told me that he hasn't stopped thinking about me since he left me. He told me that he didn't appreciate me enough and realized now his mistake in breaking up with me. That other girls just aren't like me. I told him about my new boyfriend and he was heartbroken, but is still begging for me to leave my new boyfriend and go back to him.
I'm going to be honest. Talking to him again brought all my old feelings back for him. But I also have feelings for the new guy and I feel extremely confused.
They are opposites of one another. Both of them have possibly serious problems with their personalities and also wonderful traits that I adore.
My ex is a romantic who I can talk to for hours. He understands me and can finish my sentences. But he has a really bad temper (he was emotional abusive and manipulative at times) and he did leave me to try to live the bachelor life and sleep around. I don't know if I can trust him anymore.
My current boyfriend helps me relax and have fun. He's charming and good looking. But he's somewhat insensitive and we have some sexual problems that could get worse later on.
I know. Some of you are probably judging me because you don't have anyone.
But you have to understand . . . . I am that nerdy girl with glasses. I'm a bit neurotic and crazy too. I'm terrified that one of them is my soul mate and that I'll chose the wrong person and wind up alone for life. I know, it sounds so stupid for someone with two guys to worry about being alone, but I have abandonment issues. I'm scared of going back with my ex and him abandoning me. I'm scared of staying with my boyfriend and the infatuation (or whatever he feels) wearing off and him leaving me. I have no idea how to choose because I have feelings for both of them. And I'm positive that whatever choice I make is going to lead to me being alone.
Yes, I'm a pessimist, but I am on this site for a reason. These kinds of things don't happen to me. I've spent most of my life alone, so I feel panicky and desperate and like all paths will lead to me being alone. And I just want to choose the person who might stay with me and not abandon me.
I know it doesn't sound stressful, but I feel stressed and scared. I don't like making decisions and I don't like cheating (which hasn't happened, I've only talked to my ex, nothing else.) I like to be focused when it comes to relationships and for once I am not. I don't enjoy having two guys. I'd rather just have one that I knew would stay with me and not cheat on me than a million who would leave me in a month. And that's what I'm scared of when making this choice. I was already abandoned and I don't want to be abandoned again and I have no idea who I love more, especially since they are complete opposites and I haven't known my current boyfriend as long as I've known my ex.
I wish my ex had either just not begged for me back or just not broken up with me in the first place. I used to not be confused at all, but now I am.
And just as a side note, can't confirm this, but my ex claims that he's changed. As I said, he broke up with me to be young and live the bachelor life. He tells me now that it was lonely and crappy and that he doesn't value it anymore.
How do I make a decision? I've tried making those pro and con lists, but to be honest, they are so different from one another that it seems like every fault my ex has, my boyfriend has a strength in and every fault my boyfriend has, my ex has a strength in. They even look opposite. My boyfriend is tall and blond. My ex is short and brunette. So they always come out about equal. They are just two totally different people.
And this would have never happened with another guy. I did (weirdly) get asked out by another guy while I was with my current boyfriend and it was easy for me to say no. The problem comes from the fact that I was with my ex for five years and he was my first everything, literally! First boyfriend, first love, first kiss, first sexual partner. All of it!
Please don't judge me. Please just help me make a decision as fast as possible so I don't mess everything up with both of them.
Anyway, the last time I posted in here, it was because my first boyfriend, my boyfriend of five years, who was my first love, who proposed to me, who I thought I would marry broke-up with me. I was extremely suicidal at the time. Him breaking up with me impacted my life so much that I can tell I'm a different person now. I've changed religions. I tried alcohol. I made more friends and started doing crazy things that I've never tried before.
Eventually, I met this new guy. He was extremely attractive. My heart pounded whenever I was near him. I thought he could never like me like I liked him. He was out of my league. I hung around him because he was a friend of a friend, but eventually we started talking and he asked me to hang out with him alone.
We talked for awhile and I went with him to walk his dog. He told me that my eyes were beautiful and that I was intelligent. He grabbed my hand and stared up at the stars with me. Eventually he kissed me and the next day he was calling me his girlfriend.
He's improved my life in so many ways and we've been dating for several months now. We even moved in together.
Anyway, all of a sudden, I received a phone call. It was my ex-boyfriend. We hadn't spoken for a long time, but he told me that he hasn't stopped thinking about me since he left me. He told me that he didn't appreciate me enough and realized now his mistake in breaking up with me. That other girls just aren't like me. I told him about my new boyfriend and he was heartbroken, but is still begging for me to leave my new boyfriend and go back to him.
I'm going to be honest. Talking to him again brought all my old feelings back for him. But I also have feelings for the new guy and I feel extremely confused.
They are opposites of one another. Both of them have possibly serious problems with their personalities and also wonderful traits that I adore.
My ex is a romantic who I can talk to for hours. He understands me and can finish my sentences. But he has a really bad temper (he was emotional abusive and manipulative at times) and he did leave me to try to live the bachelor life and sleep around. I don't know if I can trust him anymore.
My current boyfriend helps me relax and have fun. He's charming and good looking. But he's somewhat insensitive and we have some sexual problems that could get worse later on.
I know. Some of you are probably judging me because you don't have anyone.
But you have to understand . . . . I am that nerdy girl with glasses. I'm a bit neurotic and crazy too. I'm terrified that one of them is my soul mate and that I'll chose the wrong person and wind up alone for life. I know, it sounds so stupid for someone with two guys to worry about being alone, but I have abandonment issues. I'm scared of going back with my ex and him abandoning me. I'm scared of staying with my boyfriend and the infatuation (or whatever he feels) wearing off and him leaving me. I have no idea how to choose because I have feelings for both of them. And I'm positive that whatever choice I make is going to lead to me being alone.
Yes, I'm a pessimist, but I am on this site for a reason. These kinds of things don't happen to me. I've spent most of my life alone, so I feel panicky and desperate and like all paths will lead to me being alone. And I just want to choose the person who might stay with me and not abandon me.
I know it doesn't sound stressful, but I feel stressed and scared. I don't like making decisions and I don't like cheating (which hasn't happened, I've only talked to my ex, nothing else.) I like to be focused when it comes to relationships and for once I am not. I don't enjoy having two guys. I'd rather just have one that I knew would stay with me and not cheat on me than a million who would leave me in a month. And that's what I'm scared of when making this choice. I was already abandoned and I don't want to be abandoned again and I have no idea who I love more, especially since they are complete opposites and I haven't known my current boyfriend as long as I've known my ex.
I wish my ex had either just not begged for me back or just not broken up with me in the first place. I used to not be confused at all, but now I am.
And just as a side note, can't confirm this, but my ex claims that he's changed. As I said, he broke up with me to be young and live the bachelor life. He tells me now that it was lonely and crappy and that he doesn't value it anymore.
How do I make a decision? I've tried making those pro and con lists, but to be honest, they are so different from one another that it seems like every fault my ex has, my boyfriend has a strength in and every fault my boyfriend has, my ex has a strength in. They even look opposite. My boyfriend is tall and blond. My ex is short and brunette. So they always come out about equal. They are just two totally different people.
And this would have never happened with another guy. I did (weirdly) get asked out by another guy while I was with my current boyfriend and it was easy for me to say no. The problem comes from the fact that I was with my ex for five years and he was my first everything, literally! First boyfriend, first love, first kiss, first sexual partner. All of it!
Please don't judge me. Please just help me make a decision as fast as possible so I don't mess everything up with both of them.