I never thought I'd get into this kind of situation

[Enchanted Girl]

Let me start this out by saying that I've always been the shy, nerdy girl with glasses. Men don't notice me and I didn't have my first relationship until I was 19. I am very loyal in relationships and I fall in love really hard when I do.

Anyway, the last time I posted in here, it was because my first boyfriend, my boyfriend of five years, who was my first love, who proposed to me, who I thought I would marry broke-up with me. I was extremely suicidal at the time. Him breaking up with me impacted my life so much that I can tell I'm a different person now. I've changed religions. I tried alcohol. I made more friends and started doing crazy things that I've never tried before.

Eventually, I met this new guy. He was extremely attractive. My heart pounded whenever I was near him. I thought he could never like me like I liked him. He was out of my league. I hung around him because he was a friend of a friend, but eventually we started talking and he asked me to hang out with him alone.

We talked for awhile and I went with him to walk his dog. He told me that my eyes were beautiful and that I was intelligent. He grabbed my hand and stared up at the stars with me. Eventually he kissed me and the next day he was calling me his girlfriend.

He's improved my life in so many ways and we've been dating for several months now. We even moved in together.

Anyway, all of a sudden, I received a phone call. It was my ex-boyfriend. We hadn't spoken for a long time, but he told me that he hasn't stopped thinking about me since he left me. He told me that he didn't appreciate me enough and realized now his mistake in breaking up with me. That other girls just aren't like me. I told him about my new boyfriend and he was heartbroken, but is still begging for me to leave my new boyfriend and go back to him.

I'm going to be honest. Talking to him again brought all my old feelings back for him. But I also have feelings for the new guy and I feel extremely confused.

They are opposites of one another. Both of them have possibly serious problems with their personalities and also wonderful traits that I adore.

My ex is a romantic who I can talk to for hours. He understands me and can finish my sentences. But he has a really bad temper (he was emotional abusive and manipulative at times) and he did leave me to try to live the bachelor life and sleep around. I don't know if I can trust him anymore.

My current boyfriend helps me relax and have fun. He's charming and good looking. But he's somewhat insensitive and we have some sexual problems that could get worse later on.

I know. Some of you are probably judging me because you don't have anyone.

But you have to understand . . . . I am that nerdy girl with glasses. I'm a bit neurotic and crazy too. I'm terrified that one of them is my soul mate and that I'll chose the wrong person and wind up alone for life. I know, it sounds so stupid for someone with two guys to worry about being alone, but I have abandonment issues. I'm scared of going back with my ex and him abandoning me. I'm scared of staying with my boyfriend and the infatuation (or whatever he feels) wearing off and him leaving me. I have no idea how to choose because I have feelings for both of them. And I'm positive that whatever choice I make is going to lead to me being alone.

Yes, I'm a pessimist, but I am on this site for a reason. These kinds of things don't happen to me. I've spent most of my life alone, so I feel panicky and desperate and like all paths will lead to me being alone. And I just want to choose the person who might stay with me and not abandon me.

I know it doesn't sound stressful, but I feel stressed and scared. I don't like making decisions and I don't like cheating (which hasn't happened, I've only talked to my ex, nothing else.) I like to be focused when it comes to relationships and for once I am not. I don't enjoy having two guys. I'd rather just have one that I knew would stay with me and not cheat on me than a million who would leave me in a month. And that's what I'm scared of when making this choice. I was already abandoned and I don't want to be abandoned again and I have no idea who I love more, especially since they are complete opposites and I haven't known my current boyfriend as long as I've known my ex.

I wish my ex had either just not begged for me back or just not broken up with me in the first place. I used to not be confused at all, but now I am.

And just as a side note, can't confirm this, but my ex claims that he's changed. As I said, he broke up with me to be young and live the bachelor life. He tells me now that it was lonely and crappy and that he doesn't value it anymore.

How do I make a decision? I've tried making those pro and con lists, but to be honest, they are so different from one another that it seems like every fault my ex has, my boyfriend has a strength in and every fault my boyfriend has, my ex has a strength in. They even look opposite. My boyfriend is tall and blond. My ex is short and brunette. So they always come out about equal. They are just two totally different people.

And this would have never happened with another guy. I did (weirdly) get asked out by another guy while I was with my current boyfriend and it was easy for me to say no. The problem comes from the fact that I was with my ex for five years and he was my first everything, literally! First boyfriend, first love, first kiss, first sexual partner. All of it!

Please don't judge me. Please just help me make a decision as fast as possible so I don't mess everything up with both of them.

 

[slappopkarl]

...Better the devil you know than the devil you don't (or how ever the stupid phrase goes) that just jumps in to my mind. But your ex might not of been doing well as a bachelor and wishes he never broke up with you based on one fact, he is feeling alone.
I've not knowen anyone to have one partner and be with that person for the rest of there lifes. If I was you I would relax, your obviously a decent girl to be around and if it dosnt work out with your boyfriend someone will eventually come along, and you did say that both of these men have bad parts in there personalities, maybe you will meet a guy that's all round good.
Sadly your the only one who can make this decision.
Anyway take what I say lightly cause I aint qualified lol.
Spk

 

[Peter Lorre]

Well, I've been in the same situation. When I started dating my last ex, my very first girlfriend took up contact with me again and told me she wanted me back.

What did I do? Well, I decided to stick with my gf. First of all, I didn't think it would be fair to my new gf. Secondly, I didn't know how long my ex would remain interested in me; I mean, she left me once, who's to say she wouldn't get bored of me again? And thirdly, I really, really loved my new gf.

The thing is, people often get interested again in things that have suddenly become out of their reach. Like a kid that tosses away a toy, but when another kid comes along and finds a new way to play with it, they must have it back.

Anyway, only you can make this decision, only you got all the knowledge that is needed to make a choice like this. Ofcourse, you and your ex have been together a long time, so maybe he really is your 'true love'. Then again, you and your new boyfriend haven't been dating for that long, so who knows what's still coming...

 

[SofiasMami]

It sounds like you're committed to the new guy, you even moved in together, yes? Does new guy care about you? I would keep the door closed on the old relationship.
If I were with a guy that I cared about I wouldn't get rid of him for a guy that walked away from me. Did he expect you to just wait around until he was ready to get back together?
Who's in the driver's seat in your life? What do YOU want for yourself? Maybe ask yourself some questions before making any decisions. Good luck, whatever you decide!

Teresa

 

[Badjedidude]

Well... We can't choose for you... but if you were smart, you'd make that choice yourself.

Because NOTHING is more unfair to BOTH of those guys than playing them along while you try to decide. Take a day or two to think about it, and make your choice.... AND THEN STICK WITH IT AND DON'T LOOK BACK.

The honest truth is that BOTH of them could probably be your soul mate, just in different ways. They each have their strong points and weak points, and it's up to you to choose which of those weak points you can handle.

Like I said... MAKE A CHOICE. Soon.

It's not right to dance along the fence and be flirty/talking to both guys behind each others' backs.

 

[spectacles]

well u say u are afraid and even positive of being alone, but at the same time u said a guy asked u out while u were with u current bf...
If u even moved with ur current bf, that means it's sth serious, even if u say he doesnt know u like ur ex. So thats unfair for him. If u say they are completely different and u like them both then u dont love any of them coz I think when u love a person there is no quality in somebody else than can compensate how that special one makes u feel. I dont think u can chose a person based on who will stick to u the longest, u have to chose who u really love, even if the risk is the relationship wouldnt last, u never know that...

 

[Mr. Sir]

Let me start this out by saying that I've always been the shy, nerdy girl with glasses. Men don't notice me and I didn't have my first relationship until I was 19. I am very loyal in relationships and I fall in love really hard when I do.

That's a very common fetish. I know that's the type of girl I dig. I bet you have dudes lined up for you, ranging from bros to hipsters to cholos to WoW dorks.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Screw Guilt....

Ive been on the giing in and reviecing end of this...

Did exactly what ur exbf did....right down to begging my GF to take me back after I left high N dry....
Its fucken cliche...looks like I wasnt the first or was the last to do that.

 

[Joseph]

If you are unsure, then your ex would certainly understand that you need time to consider being with him again. He left you, right? You are under no obligation to come running back to him again. You're in a relationship, stay there if it makes you happy, tell your ex "duly noted" and let him know that you still love him too, and time will tell if you two are supposed to be together, but that now is not the 'that' time.

This is one possible way of handling it.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

A agree with X on the Fetish or personal perfernce...Im attracted to certain type of women..
Even @ this moment..Ive been dating someone and my exgf is re enterimng the picture...They look strikingly simular. Traits and life style.

U also have a sort of fetish...You attracct or is attracted to MEN with CONTROL ISSUES...
My ex told me " NO" a couple of decades ago. But we're getting back together...She also thank me for not contacting her throughout the years.
It s on her Terms N ttime .

The person I was dating..basically did the same crap to me...Shes having second thoughts but she was the one that wrote our relationship off.lol

My emotions are going everywhere...
But I made a coomitment to my EX or rather kind of like a new person in my life...(Now is the time for us to reconcile)

 

[Starman]

you say your ex says he has changed- well people don't change that easy. maybe in the short term for a while but rarely for keeps. it just doesn't happen

you say you've moved in with the new guy. you say you have abandonment issues. well how would you feel about abandoning him just because your ex suddenly wants you back?

you are in a new relationship now. your ex is the past so leave it there where it belongs.

 

[Ladysphinx]

I went through the same thing ex left me to have their freedom. Few months later he shows up with the pathetic it was a mistake excuse. I stuck to my bf today I've been married 10yrs to that bf. My ex just proved that his still an idiote by leaving his fiance just because. I can not make the choice for you but I believe your ex has already proven how trust worthy he is.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I believe your ex has already proven how trust worthy he is.

Agreed.

Also, I added you to my MSN list and never got the chance to talk to you. I'd still like to do that if you're still game.

 

[Enchanted Girl]

The thing is, people often get interested again in things that have suddenly become out of their reach. Like a kid that tosses away a toy, but when another kid comes along and finds a new way to play with it, they must have it back.

Yea, they are like that. It's so stupid. I'm more interested in a guy who can commit to me and spend time with me. That's one thing I've liked so far about my new boyfriend.

It sounds like you're committed to the new guy, you even moved in together, yes? Does new guy care about you? I would keep the door closed on the old relationship.
If I were with a guy that I cared about I wouldn't get rid of him for a guy that walked away from me. Did he expect you to just wait around until he was ready to get back together?
Who's in the driver's seat in your life? What do YOU want for yourself? Maybe ask yourself some questions before making any decisions. Good luck, whatever you decide!

Teresa

That's literally what he thought would happen. It was rather offensive, but he said he thought I would either be still crying about it or that I would have committed suicide by now.

And then when I moved on and had a new boyfriend and he was the lonely one, he was shocked. He said he wanted to ask for me back before, but wasn't in a rush to do so because he figured I'd still be waiting here for him.

If you are unsure, then your ex would certainly understand that you need time to consider being with him again. He left you, right? You are under no obligation to come running back to him again. You're in a relationship, stay there if it makes you happy, tell your ex "duly noted" and let him know that you still love him too, and time will tell if you two are supposed to be together, but that now is not the 'that' time.

This is one possible way of handling it.

Okay. I'll do that, I think.

A agree with X on the Fetish or personal perfernce...Im attracted to certain type of women..
Even @ this moment..Ive been dating someone and my exgf is re enterimng the picture...They look strikingly simular. Traits and life style.

U also have a sort of fetish...You attracct or is attracted to MEN with CONTROL ISSUES...
My ex told me " NO" a couple of decades ago. But we're getting back together...She also thank me for not contacting her throughout the years.
It s on her Terms N ttime .

The person I was dating..basically did the same crap to me...Shes having second thoughts but she was the one that wrote our relationship off.lol

My emotions are going everywhere...
But I made a coomitment to my EX or rather kind of like a new person in my life...(Now is the time for us to reconcile)

You're right, I do date guys with control issues . . . . . .

I believe your ex has already proven how trust worthy he is.

Agreed.

Also, I added you to my MSN list and never got the chance to talk to you. I'd still like to do that if you're still game.

Yea and my new boyfriend hasn't broken my trust yet at all.

 

[SophiaGrace]

he said he thought I would either be still crying about it or that I would have committed suicide by now.

And then when I moved on and had a new boyfriend and he was the lonely one, he was shocked. He said he wanted to ask for me back before, but wasn't in a rush to do so because he figured I'd still be waiting here for him.

What an ass.

He actually ******* said that he thought you would've committed suicide by now? seriously?!

I would never say that to anyone. Ever.

 

[nerdygirl]

That's literally what he thought would happen. It was rather offensive, but he said he thought I would either be still crying about it or that I would have committed suicide by now.

And then when I moved on and had a new boyfriend and he was the lonely one, he was shocked. He said he wanted to ask for me back before, but wasn't in a rush to do so because he figured I'd still be waiting here for him.

... Those words would have completely resolved any indecision I had.

 

[floffyschneeman]

a relationship isn't just about who you fancy at a certain moment, it's also about commitment. Who are you committed to?

Also, you choose to be with a person because you want to be, because you like/love that person not because you know he would stick the longest. Cos if that were so, your relationship would be based on selfish reason of you being afraid to be left alone. (not fair for your partner)

Quite honestly, there is no problem with being alone (single), you can focus better on things and yourself. If I was in your situation, I would be more bothered why I can't stand being alone than the dilemma of having to choose between 2 guys. (but then again, I have never been in your situation ^^)


anyway, no judging. Just try to be fair an all parties. Good luck

 

[NOAH_FX]

he said he thought I would either be still crying about it or that I would have committed suicide by now.

And then when I moved on and had a new boyfriend and he was the lonely one, he was shocked. He said he wanted to ask for me back before, but wasn't in a rush to do so because he figured I'd still be waiting here for him.

What an ass.

He actually ******* said that he thought you would've committed suicide by now? seriously?!

I would never say that to anyone. Ever.

He said that, yet you still posted this thinking he changed?

he didn't change, he realized you moved on and now wants you back (that which you cant have you idolize, that which you have you take foregranted)