I want to figure out why...

[Groucho]

...it is that most people who are lonely repulse any compliments, praise, assistance or help, and always (or generally) assume the worst case scenario?

I'm figuring bad experience, but when I conducted a feedback test using an AI, I found AI that maintained negative feedback (EG was more negative or self-limited choice options) was less likely to succeed because it purposefully limited the number of available choices it had.

I suppose I'm asking, why can we not just accept praise, compliments, friendship, support?

 

[Triple Bogey]

...it is that most people who are lonely repulse any compliments, praise, assistance or help, and always (or generally) assume the worst case scenario?

I'm figuring bad experience, but when I conducted a feedback test using an AI, I found AI that maintained negative feedback (EG was more negative or self-limited choice options) was less likely to succeed because it purposefully limited the number of available choices it had.

I suppose I'm asking, why can we not just accept praise, compliments, friendship, support?

some people are just like that.

I hate people who always insist the worst possible outcome will happen. I am quite optimistic. Although regarding women the worst thing usually does happen.

 

[Goblin]

Who says we can't? I think that people who've been burned or who have low self-esteem expect a catch based on their past experiences or simply because they are who they are (if you believe yourself to be weak, stupid, and undeserving, why wouldn't you suspect something?).

I try to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

 

[Groucho]

Who says we can't?

Not that someone says you can't, but I have theories that suggest it's sub-optimal behaviour. I act like that but I cannot figure for me the life of why, given there have been counter-examples.

What suggests it's sub-optimal? In AI game behaviour, an AI that limits a set of options (based on a losing streak and trying to do damage control) will not recover - even when pitted against another AI of the same capacity. In limited concepts it can recover (EG losing distance is minimal) but once it gets beyond a certain point, one learning AI will hold better than another.

I know from reading posts, people comment that people with 'negative' or 'low-self-esteem' behaviours are 'repulsive'. I know in terms of survival, animals (like cats) will feign health even when injured (because showing signs of weakness tend to get exploited). Generally there are clearly benefits even in *acting* positive (because I'm figuring people get pulled in by a positive facade with the whole 'jerkass guys').


Generally speaking, in every sense of the word, negative, cynical, bitter-esque behaviour like my own are destructive (like the AI I cannot break my losing streak because I've lost too many times). I suppose I am asking why does the avoidant, negation of praise and good work, behaviour etc stick so much? Why is it so common to people? What is it that causes it to stick or be present?

I suppose I'm basically trying to figure if there's a switch that can be flipped. I don't mean 'think positive thoughts' when you deep down inside don't believe, but how you'd switch the disbelief (or belief in negativity)?

 

[ardour]

The mind in risk-aversion, pain-minimization mode. Expect the worst so it won't hurt as much when it happens. Then that kind of thinking becomes a habit and stepping out of it isn't easy when it might involve an expectation for things to improve.

Detachment sort of works - I'm going to be positive regardless of what it does or doesn't get me. But the problem here is that you must be detached in the true sense of the word, can't enjoy the outcomes positivity may bring because enjoyment establishes expectation once more.

 

[Dr. Strangelove]

We (using this word figuratively) always think of the worse case scenario because we don't like the disappointment that comes when things don't go the way we expected. Say you apply for a job and you keep thinking to yourself "I got this job, this job is mine!" and then the time comes around when you realize you didn't actually get the job. You're disappointed, you second guess yourself, your self-esteem goes down. However, if you apply to that job and you think "honeysuckle, there is no way I got that job" and the time comes around when you realize, in fact, you didn't get the job you don't feel much of anything because that's what you expected. If you do get the job, you feel positive as it's something good that happens that you were not expecting.

As for accepting compliments, we view them as untrue because we have low self-esteem. Or perhaps we question the motives of the person giving them. (In the past I had a gf who suddenly became much nicer, outgoing and affectionate who flooded me with praise and compliments the weeks leading up to valentines day. After the day past she went back to her normal, less affectionate self.) Or, perhaps again, we don't want to live up to the compliments that we receive. If somebody says "Hey, you're great with kids" and you accept that compliment you now may have a subconscious obligation to live up to it, from now on you have to be good with kids. However, if you deny it you are under no obligation to be good with kids so when little Tommy falls down and breaks his face you can say "See! I told you I was no good with kids!"

 

[SofiasMami]

I think some of what is being talked about here is related more to optimism vs pessimism, which is different than self-esteem.
What's AI, by the way?

Self-esteem is a bit of a slippery concept and thinking highly of myself is not something that I strive for.

High self-esteem is correlated with psychopathy in some individuals:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22293875

I'm not perfect by any means but if someone yelled at me "hey dumb-ass!" I wouldn't take it seriously because now that I'm older and know who I am, I know I'm not a dumb-ass.
I'm a scaredy-cat when it comes to spiders in the house but that's a trait I don't mind owning

-Teresa

 

[Groucho]

What's AI, by the way?

Artificial intelligence. In my case, it was modeled on the basis of human decision making (for example, what makes you choose between two packets of crisps if you like them both? Or two types of meal if you like them both?).

At first when one AI beat another AI I thought it was a bug. I thought the AI would be evenly matched. I traced it. Tested it. Found the program was running exactly as intended and that was actually a human trait. Resetting feedback (akin to victim amnesia or memory distortion) allowed it a chance to function 'normally' and even 'win'.

A reset individual is open to taking more courses of action. In my case, negative feedback would inhibit me from socially interacting with people. Erasing that negative feedback would remove the inhibitions and chances are I could reinteract.


It had proven to me what I suspected, that pessimism doesn't work optimally. However the discovery was unintentional, I was only looking for a learning game AI based on a simplification of human decision making.

High self-esteem is correlated with psychopathy in some individuals:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22293875

Maybe a bit hasty generalisation fallacy (unless all the happy-go-lucky people are psychopaths), but if I was to argue the inverse (not that I'm encouraging immoral behaviour), aren't they the kind of people who generally climb to the top or get the ladies or whatever task? Surely you can have the self-esteem and the morality too?

 

[1000lifetimes]

I think we don't accept positivity because we ourselves are bad people...and are foolish enough sometimes to think that other people are as bad as us and can't possibly be genuine.

If someone says "you are a great leader" or "you're really good at this" - lack of self confidence immediately tells you that it can't be the case because you aren't great. Insecurity tells you that this person is just being polite, and paranoia suggests that this person is deliberately misleading you.

Perhaps we assume the worst because we ourselves are capable of the worst. I don't know...looking at the worst all the time makes for a bleak existence. It putts people off that you are so negative...but the flip side to that is - beware calling someone a pessimist...they might in turn call you naive.

 

[Solivagant]

I'm not someone who assumes the worst, but for many reasons I am highly averse to compliments. Most of all, because they have nearly always turned out to be lies, and the people giving them usually proceeded to hurt me. I associate them with flattery, deceit and manipulation, and I have trouble trusting them.

On another note, the "can-do" attitude simply doesn't work for me. In fact, it has the opposite effect it's intended to have. It makes me feel pressured and incredibly anxious, and when I operate under pressure I make a lot more mistakes, and am a lot harder on myself. I've been this way ever since I can remember. I feel more relaxed if consider that the outcome may not be in my favor, and instead of telling myself that "I can", tell myself that it's okay if I can't. Rather than expecting the best (optimism) or expecting the worst (pessimism), I simply try not to have any expectations at all. It's more like (as Goblin said) hoping for the best, preparing for the worst... but not expecting either one. Optimists tend to take issue with the way I operate, they view it as pessimism and they're always trying to get me to think more like them. But it's just how I am and it's what works best for me.

 

[ladyforsaken]

...it is that most people who are lonely repulse any compliments, praise, assistance or help, and always (or generally) assume the worst case scenario?

I'm figuring bad experience, but when I conducted a feedback test using an AI, I found AI that maintained negative feedback (EG was more negative or self-limited choice options) was less likely to succeed because it purposefully limited the number of available choices it had.

I suppose I'm asking, why can we not just accept praise, compliments, friendship, support?

I'm not sure if you'd call me lonely, I'm more a loner at times. But for me to answer your question above, I feel like I don't deserve those things. It all boils down to self-esteem I guess. I grew up being told I was never good enough a human being... even compared to raising dogs which would be more worthy than raising me and my brother... so.. yeah. I've worked out so many issues, but this one thing just seems to never really budge. Don't know how one can over come this.

 

[Solivagant]

I grew up being told I was never good enough a human being... even compared to raising dogs which would be more worthy than raising me and my brother... so.. yeah. I've worked out so many issues, but this one thing just seems to never really budge. Don't know how one can over come this.

I'm sorry to hear that LadyF, I've been there too...

*HUG*

 

[ladyforsaken]

I grew up being told I was never good enough a human being... even compared to raising dogs which would be more worthy than raising me and my brother... so.. yeah. I've worked out so many issues, but this one thing just seems to never really budge. Don't know how one can over come this.

I'm sorry to hear that LadyF, I've been there too...

*HUG*

I'm sorry that you had to go through it too. :\
*hugs*