I want to love again

[SophiaGrace]

I want to love someone again....I often find myself wishing I could. But so far I seem to be unable to do so, i play my cards close to my chest...i'm unwilling to risk getting hurt.

I feel weird not being in love with someone...like its not a normal state for me to be in.

If someone were to ask me why I would want to fall in love again i'd tell them because it makes me feel more secure and comfortable.

I guess I dont have a very strong personality and wish I could find someone I could "follow". I tend to idolize the people I fall in love with and put them on a pedestle.

Me, as a person, i feel weak and unable to face the world ....but if I had someone's shadow to step into I'd feel better.

This probably all sounds odd.

 

[Remedy]

Its not odd at all, its just something all human beings need. I think of it as a need not a want because never have been or been out of love for awhile turns into like a real pain that becomes unbearable. I too strongly want to be in love but I think my personality gets in the way because im just so shy and quiet. I have never been in love so i don't know how it feels but I just want to experience it in my lifetime or else my life just feels so worthless. Love just seems so strong when it is in its true form.Just the way people describe it makes it seem so awesome and to have someone feel the same way about me would just be so incredible.

 

[Badjedidude]

I understand the feeling, but I'm not so sure that it's the right idea. One has to be very careful about such things. Don't start thinking that everything in your life will magically be fixed once you find someone to be with...because it just won't. That's a dangerous way to think of it. At best, you will only have someone to share your feelings with--just don't expect that your love will solve your problems for you or that your problems will simply go away.

With that said, I'm sure love is around the corner for both of you--and me, as well! After all, it's a brand-spanking-new year, full of new promise and adventure! Resolve to get out there and get a special someone! That's one of my New Year's Resolutions!

----Steve

 

[coricopat]

Love yourself. That way you know you're loving someone who's worth it. And it makes you stronger, which makes you love yourself all the more.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Love yourself.

I'm not sure what it means to love myself. It all seems like this vague concept that people throw my way "love yourself" and the concept of having good self esteem.

I dont think I really know what good self esteem FEELS like, nor what the feeling of loving myself is.

I think I know what self-respect is. And I respect myself enough not to throw myself into a toxic relationship. I'm not desperate in other words...and I refuse to get into a relationship with someone that the feelings arent mutual? (ok that was awkwardly worded) or a relationship in which the guy tears me down or has substance issues.

I've been in a few of those. And I would rather be alone than be with a person who will tear down what little self esteem I do have.

Maybe being alone isnt such a bad thing. Maybe...I'll grow from it somehow. Maybe I'll learn who I really am by not being in someone's shadow. Before I thought the shadow would help me to grow by being around someone that has more intelligence/has attributes I wish i had, maybe it doesnt help me after all...

It's hard trying to find your own identity.

 

[coricopat]

Love yourself.

I'm not sure what it means to love myself. It all seems like this vague concept that people throw my way "love yourself" and the concept of having good self esteem.

I dont think I really know what good self esteem FEELS like, nor what the feeling of loving myself is.

I think I know what self-respect is. And I respect myself enough not to throw myself into a toxic relationship. I'm not desperate in other words...and I refuse to get into a relationship with someone that the feelings arent mutual? (ok that was awkwardly worded) or a relationship in which the guy tears me down or has substance issues.

I've been in a few of those. And I would rather be alone than be with a person who will tear down what little self esteem I do have.

Maybe being alone isnt such a bad thing. Maybe...I'll grow from it somehow. Maybe I'll learn who I really am by not being in someone's shadow. Before I thought the shadow would help me to grow by being around someone that has more intelligence/has attributes I wish i had, maybe it doesnt help me after all...

It's hard trying to find your own identity.

To be honest, it's a concept I'm still working on myself. I'm slowly getting there though.

I'm reading a book now that's helping me a lot. It emphasizes how the first step is accepting you separateness, realizing that regardless of whether you're in a relationship or not you are still alone, still a separate individual, and that you have to accept that fact and accept the individual that you are instead of defining yourself by those around you and hoping they will fill all the gaps in your life. A lot of the book's suggestions sounded really corny, and I skipped them the first time through, but now that I'm going back and actually giving the therapies a shot I have to admit they really do help. It feels pretty awesome to love myself for a change, instead of focusing my energy on someone else all the time. Especially since I realize I'm way more worth it.

You talk about being in someone's shadow. Why would you want to do that? You're assuming that the other person is more intelligent or capable than you, and I doubt that's really true.

 

[Dewpup]

You can love me if u want! ^_^

 

[CAS]

How on earth could you ever hope to love anyone or be loved if you consistently push guys away?

 

[shells]

How on earth could you ever hope to love anyone or be loved if you consistently push guys away?

I want to love someone again....I often find myself wishing I could. But so far I seem to be unable to do so, i play my cards close to my chest..i'm unwilling to risk getting hurt.

It helps to read a little more carefully. I can't speak on Sophia's behalf, but I will speak from my experiences.

I've often pushed people away when I feel that I will either be a threat to them, especially when I am hurting the most. I don't want people to know I am really a mess. And I especially don't want to make myself vulnerable for getting hurt worse. So I tend to cut off ties, even if for a little while, so I can take a step back from the situation.

It takes time to allow yourself to heal when you've been hurt in the past... Especially when it's a wound that cuts deep. Even when it heals, it's still always there. It takes time to learn how to cope with it.

 

[Aedammair]

Sometimes you need to take risks in the name of love. I am not saying jump into a relationship. Currently I myself am too afraid to be hurt to make that leap. If a guy comes a long tho I would say you should give him a chance. I would like to think that if I genuinely liked a girl that she would give me a chance.

Aedammair
P.S. Certain signifacant others should respect a girl's decision as to who she wishes to befriend and who she wants to love. Such should be careful not to descend to the level of obsession. You play with the ball when it when it is in your court. Once it is gone don't start throwing a tantrum. Be wary of this

 

[coricopat]

How on earth could you ever hope to love anyone or be loved if you consistently push guys away?

I want to love someone again....I often find myself wishing I could. But so far I seem to be unable to do so, i play my cards close to my chest..i'm unwilling to risk getting hurt.

It helps to read a little more carefully. I can't speak on Sophia's behalf, but I will speak from my experiences.

I've often pushed people away when I feel that I will either be a threat to them, especially when I am hurting the most. I don't want people to know I am really a mess. And I especially don't want to make myself vulnerable for getting hurt worse. So I tend to cut off ties, even if for a little while, so I can take a step back from the situation.

It takes time to allow yourself to heal when you've been hurt in the past... Especially when it's a wound that cuts deep. Even when it heals, it's still always there. It takes time to learn how to cope with it.

Agreed. Nothing wrong with conflicting emotions, especially when you're feeling rough. Wanting to love doesn't make you able to love.

 

[?uest Love]

I want to love someone again....I often find myself wishing I could. But so far I seem to be unable to do so, i play my cards close to my chest...i'm unwilling to risk getting hurt.

I feel weird not being in love with someone...like its not a normal state for me to be in.

If someone were to ask me why I would want to fall in love again i'd tell them because it makes me feel more secure and comfortable.

I guess I dont have a very strong personality and wish I could find someone I could "follow". I tend to idolize the people I fall in love with and put them on a pedestle.

Me, as a person, i feel weak and unable to face the world ....but if I had someone's shadow to step into I'd feel better.

This probably all sounds odd.

I feel like im in the same position as you. Everyday I wish there was someone there. In times of frustration i wish i had someone there to hold in my arms and make the world around me drift away. As sad as it is, there is nothing in my power that I can do to make someone special magically appear.

Well at least you're not in my position. Where the one person that can do that for me, has a boyfriend already and all our mutual friends think we would be perfect together, but I was a few years late. Its a pain in my side, adding to one of the many pains that linger from the scars of searching for love. The most difficult thing about love and relationships in my opinion is leaving someone behind is looking for that next person. It feels like that special person rarely comes along and just pops up in my life. It just doesn't happen and I feel helpless.

 

[Wyrm]

Love is not something that you get when you try for it. It's like a carrot on a stick, no matter how much you walk towards it, you'll never get it. It's just something that comes to you while you're enjoying your life and trying your best to improve yourself.

So work on yourself, love yourself, and make the best life for yourself. Then love will come, but by the time it does, it'll just be a bonus rather than something that you've been wanting all this time.

 

[?uest Love]

Love is not something that you get when you try for it. It's like a carrot on a stick, no matter how much you walk towards it, you'll never get it. It's just something that comes to you while you're enjoying your life and trying your best to improve yourself.

So work on yourself, love yourself, and make the best life for yourself. Then love will come, but by the time it does, it'll just be a bonus rather than something that you've been wanting all this time.

lol this horse chasing a carrot on a stick is how i've seen love all my life unforunately. Good example.

But still its hard to work on that. I think about finding love and what it will be like in the future. I can't help it...it just pops in my mind. Any suggestions to help me move on ? lol

 

[Maverick1989]

Well you seem to know the origin of your problem Sophia, so try to stop putting people on a pedestle. Because when you put someone on a pedestle you make them feel better than you so that might scare them away.