If it aint broke, dont fix it?

[MrsMystery]

Ok im confused and i dont get it. So im living in this new country far away from my family and well ill say 'friends' but im not a 'friend' kind of person as in without them id be lost. When I lived in the UK with my husband we basically had each other and sure sometimes we'd get on each other nerves but id still be excited waiting for him to come home from work, and we laughed and we talked and sure we argued.
But now here i am in this place away from everyone except him but its not the same. I see him when he's actually awake maybe an hour a day if im lucky, and we barely talk because i don't know what to say, and i want him around but when hes around i dont feel comfortable. Im sitting here its a tuesday evening and i havent seen another living soul or uttered a word to anyone since sunday afternoon. He just came back after being out all day, he stayed for 30 minutes and left and i wanted to sit here and cry that i was alone yet again, but the tears didnt come.
But we're not fighting, we're not mad at each other heck he just made me dinner before he left so whats up with me? Im lonely, im bored but its gone on so long its more than that. In an average week i leave the house for maybe 10 hours total, even then its from one house to another house to sit alone with my lap top. We dont kiss, we dont hug but we dont hate each other either. They say its when you stop fighting that something is wrong, so is something wrong?


Im making no sense even to myself so i apologise to anyone reading this i think the solitude is slowly melting my brain cells, i understand why solitary confinement is such a punishment, but at the moment i could endure because its nothing much different to how my life is right now.

 

[Naleena]

Hmmmm, first of all yes, you are making sense. Sometimes you have to go out and find your own happiness. It must be very lonely hanging out waiting for your husband. I don't have a lot of friends either where I live. I have one I see very rarely. I often go to the park or walk by myself downtown. I go out and find things that interest me. I volunteer and work. It might help if you could get out more. Find something you like to do. Experiment with different things like photography or take a class. Do something fun for you You deserve it!

Now as far as your husband goes, I bet he has a lot to do and a lot on his mind. He may be so focused on work that doesn't see what's going on with you. Time to steal your man's attention away from work. Perhaps you could surprise him with (use your imagination here) and see if the sparks start to fly Romance is something you have to work at. The scariest thing is getting too familiar with each other and too comfortable. I'm sure you have plenty of ideas but, if you need some more, I have a few I can share

Hang in there, Girlie! You'll find your center.

 

[Steel]

Ok, I understand completely where you are coming from, and I don't believe your concerns are unjustified.

It's clear to me that you are crying out for more mental stimulation than you are currently getting.. so I would suggest perhaps finding more reasons to get out of the house, perhaps some outside interests?

Perhaps also you should think of ways of making more of the time with your husband... since you currently don't spend much time with him, then making the most of the time you do have may have good results.

TC, and again, welcome to the forum.

 

[Porman]

Sounds you need to ignite that spark between you too again.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

yeah, there's lack of balance in your life.

Being away from your other family members and friends is hard.
we all need friends outside of the relationship itself.

it's almost as if you're describing borderline isolations.
it dose effect the relationships in ways.

A healthy realtionship is actaully partners sharing a part their lives.
This way you don't loose yourself into the relationship.
If you lose yourself...you lose you sence of idenity.
The closest i can decrib it is....2 people sharing thier lives.
This way...when being apart..the heart becomes founder...even if it's just daily.
The time you spend with one another becomes quality time.

My GF went through that....she needed her own life.
As much as she loved me our home became like a prison for her.
Just waiting for me to get home from work...I imagine she felt the 4 walls
were closing in on her. Me working 12 hours a day and on the weekens didn't help.

She was more happy when she was busy or working around other people.
She went into a deep depression after the girls where old enough to go to school.

Maybe join a club, take a class, get a part time job or do volunteer work.
A hobbie you can do around other people and perhapse meet new freinds.

As far as romance...sometimes us guys need a lot of tugging or even instructions
to respark the flame. It's like a sort of rut we get into. it's not that we don't love you.
We just need to stay in love with you. Please don't take it the worng way.
It has nothing to do with your looks. My GF was pertty but i still got into a rut.
It takes work.

mmmm it's not broken...but it's rusty ?

 

[MrsMystery]

I need to get out more, i agree, its just difficult this is not the kind of place i can just wander down the street. Its not a '3rd world country' exactly but its kind of borderline. Too true i like my house but it is my prison and i do want to tear my hair out.
Ok i want to reignite the spark but im finding it hard to explain that something inside me doesnt want to? I dont understand it either, maybe its gone so far over that line that it is contempt now? Maybe if i do my own thing i will change my mind, i still think we are good together and we are right for each other, but the damned monotony of every day life just takes it out of you.

Thanks for the replies, im still alone woohoo 24 hours a new record, though i have spoken about 6 words today so thats a plus!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I need to get out more, i agree, its just difficult this is not the kind of place i can just wander down the street. Its not a '3rd world country' exactly but its kind of borderline. Too true i like my house but it is my prison and i do want to tear my hair out.
Ok i want to reignite the spark but im finding it hard to explain that something inside me doesnt want to? I dont understand it either, maybe its gone so far over that line that it is contempt now? Maybe if i do my own thing i will change my mind, i still think we are good together and we are right for each other, but the damned monotony of every day life just takes it out of you.

Thanks for the replies, im still alone woohoo 24 hours a new record, though i have spoken about 6 words today so thats a plus!

Yeah...you're just totally stressed and sort of suffering from cabin fever. So you're mind is not totally clear.
yeah....human contact helps big time.