I'm new

[Espoir]

Hello,

I'm new and grateful that I have found this forum.

I have a very small immediate family and have never married nor have I any children. I was surprised to find that many lonely people are often married and have children which proves that for some, loneliness is a state of mind. In my case not only is it a state of mind but also a physical reality. I lost much of my hearing several years ago due to a disabling disease which has since been in remission. My hearing however, never returned and made social gatherings almost unbearably painful. This in turn caused me to go into a self-imposed exile which in turn caused depression which in turn caused me to eat a lot more... and it just goes round and round. I went from a very attractive 30-something, professional woman to a 46 year old, obese, (and as of 4 weeks ago) unemployed lonely, bitter person. I have not seen the few friends I do have left because I am so utterly embarrassed about my appearance. On top of this, the unemployment is causing increased depression and anxiety attacks...

I know you cannot fix my problems but I would sure appreciate a kind word - I am so tired of crying...

Sorry for the ramble - I guess it's obvious I'm quite desperate

 

[BosnianUmbrella]

crying is one hell of a relief, isnt it?

Anyway, ask yourself the following question: How much will i last like this if starting tomorrow morning ill bust my ass to improve my situation?

So you were hot and and with a degree... and you have a hearing disability? Ive seen girls that would trade much more than their hearing for what you got. And you will get again. It will be a step by step process. throw away those cool whip doritos to the trashcan and get a carrot. Go jugging.. look for jobs, something that will pay. The economy is in the toilet, i know.. but try very hard nevertheless. Dont go out with your friends if you dont wanna.. focus on yourself first and formost.

It may sound cliché, but the only way to go is up. Unless a tornado destroys your house or somehing in the "oh fuckyou god, you cant be serious!" department comes up. But dont worry too much about it.

 

[Espoir]

crying is one hell of a relief, isnt it?

Anyway, ask yourself the following question: How much will i last like this if starting tomorrow morning ill bust my ass to improve my situation?

So you were hot and and with a degree... and you have a hearing disability? Ive seen girls that would trade much more than their hearing for what you got. And you will get again. It will be a step by step process. throw away those cool whip doritos to the trashcan and get a carrot. Go jugging.. look for jobs, something that will pay. The economy is in the toilet, i know.. but try very hard nevertheless. Dont go out with your friends if you dont wanna.. focus on yourself first and formost.

It may sound cliché, but the only way to go is up. Unless a tornado destroys your house or somehing in the "oh fuckyou god, you cant be serious!" department comes up. But dont worry too much about it.

I agree and thank you for your response. I haven't given up hope hence the meaning of my username, Espoir. There are other things in my life that are also falling off the deep end I just didn't want to end up writing a novel on my introduction.

I have to respectfully disagree somewhat on the hearing disability comment because it is a heavy cross to bear, not the heaviest by any means, but indeed I buckle under its weight at times.

And fyi, I am writing this after throwing the cool whip Doritos in the trashcan

 

[brickinthewall]

Hello Espoir and welcome.

Just want to say that you are in the right place with the right people.From my time spent here (which isn't much) I noticed that nobody here cares about your flaws and people tend to give some very good advice with most issues.

I'm sorry to hear about your hearing disability but like you said , it may not be the heaviest cross to bear. You shouldn't be embarrassed by your appearance , after all if they are your friends they shouldn't care.Regarding this I want to say that I have never really been physically fit and while I did want to change this I also suffer from a light form of social anxiety so I couldn't really go to gyms or so. A few weeks ago I found that there are plenty of ways to work out at home and there are people who can help you out and there are quite a few people that can give you advice regarding this here (Yes Socrates I mean you!).

Sadly I'm running out of inspiration and I definitely can't write more until I have my coffee but I definitely will later.

Take care.

~Michael

 

[Sci-Fi]

Hi Espoir, sounds like you are ready to make some positive changes in your life that's great. I love your sig it reminds me of last night when I was trying to play a game. Can you read lips or know sign language? If not you could learn sign language and teach your friends that way you can communicate when you're out. My grandma lost her hearing but she learned to read lips very well so she could carry on conversations with people. She got out an about, went for walks, played bingo a lot (lol), and even went to church. Don't let it be a heavy weight cross to bear, I don't know if you've looked into any different hearing aid devices there are out there, but you can still live a fulfilling life, it's never too late.

 

[Drama]

Hey Espoir, I like your username =)

 

[Espoir]

Hey Espoir, I like your username =)

Thanks

 

[An archist]

Hi espoir! Sounds like fate has given you a shitty gig this last decade, but then again, it's been a pretty rotten one for the whole world as well. Crying isn't all bad--I sorta wish I cried more--but I guess maybe talking to people will be another way to dissipate some of that sadness your feeling. I hope you make a friend or two.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Hey, I have a hearing loss too. I wear hearing aides in both ears and attend a university for the deaf/hard-of-hearing. I don't know what kind of hearing loss you have (whether it's conductive or nerve-based). Is there any way you could get a hearing aid? Have you considered cochlear implants? There's an organization here that gives deaf people hearing aides for free. Maybe there's an organization where you live that might do this for you.

If you could find a way to do this i bet your quality of life would improve.

 

[Espoir]

Hi espoir! Sounds like fate has given you a shitty gig this last decade, but then again, it's been a pretty rotten one for the whole world as well. Crying isn't all bad--I sorta wish I cried more--but I guess maybe talking to people will be another way to dissipate some of that sadness your feeling. I hope you make a friend or two.

Thank you. I do wish I cried less though - big ol' cry babies are no fun to be around. I think joining this forum will help me get the motivation I need to turn my life around to what it was before. This morning I actually got up and exercised, not for very long because I am so heavy it's very difficult but at least I did something.

 

[SherryGee]

hey espoir

i am sorry to hear about your hard times at the moment. i got some advices for you, take my advices when you feel like it and want to.

i am also deaf, i can relate to you on social life as a deaf person. it is very frustrating. sometimes i take notepad with me to places and when i don't understand someone, i ask them to write it down.
deafness often cause loneliness in hearing world but hearing people sometimes don't understand how being deaf can effect us.
i have been deaf since foetus, i used to get angry with my deafness and hated it. last few years, i met someone who taught me to accept being deaf. now i sometimes like being deaf as i can get peaceful night, turn hearing aids off when people get on my nerves, being in my own world. only thing i would like to change is able to hear people properly.

i think you should go and see a doctor and get depression pills. i had terrible nervous breakdown few months ago at school and i couldn't step out of house. i started to take depression pills, recently, i notice that i feeling little bit more better. it will take time.

about your low self esteem, if you can, have shower in the mornings as you feel fresher and feel good.
meet up with your friends because i think you need have someone to talk to and ask them to help with your appearence.
is there anything to make you laugh like jokes, videos, photos? if you don't feel like laughing, try do fake laughing every now and again.
do little step at a time, it is going to be hard but i hope that you will better and bitterless. just don't give up and believe in yourself.
and oh, there should be deaf clubs around or deaf events, find out and go join in even for 10 minutes as you have tried.
hope i have helped