I'm Pretty Sure I'm the only 19-year old who's never been on a single **** date.

[ExtensivexLDL]

It's true- there's no point in pushing yourself to join ANY club. If you're going to join one, it should cater to your interests- that's where you have the strongest possibility of meeting like-minded people- both friends and people you might be interested in dating. Of course, it depends on yourself as well. If you're not very social, a smaller setting with a smaller group of people isn't going to change that..You'll be sitting around, bored out of your mind and wanting to go home, while everyone else is getting to one another.. For myself, I think, if I'm going to join a club- I should commit to it..I mean I'll probably see during the first meetup whether it's something that caters to my interests..Oh and also if there are any hot girls there

That's interesting of you to say- why do you suggest I not join any clubs? Not like I'm dying to do so but still..

Of course it's not easy like that. It's life. Gotta tough it out. I wouldn't personally suggest joining clubs... I wouldn't do that, and I would never suggest to someone something that I wouldn't do myself. I do, however, think that there's some person for you, and who will enjoy being around you and doing things you like to do. It only takes one special person in your life to make you realize what a treat you have in life.

I just wouldn't suggest someone push themselves into a situation where I wouldn't want to be or would never do. I personally wouldn't join any clubs because that wouldn't make me more social or anything. I would just be sitting in an awkward spot, looking around, waiting to leave and go home. I just think that it really wouldn't help anything. I mean, it might... You might join one and make a friend or two unexpectedly. You never know. But just because you push yourself to join this club and that club doesn't mean you'll get anywhere with them.

 

[jales]

You are not. When I was 19 I had never been on a date either!

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

Yeah.. I guess I meant the only GUY..

You are not. When I was 19 I had never been on a date either!

 

[CAS]

Hey dude, this may make you feel worse or it may make you feel better, but I'm 21 and in the exact same situation as you. I'm not going to give you any advice because, quite frankly, I have none to give. All I can say to you is that you're not alone. There are many others in the exact same rut as us, only not everyone is brave enough to admit it.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

Hey dude, this may make you feel worse or it may make you feel better, but I'm 21 and in the exact same situation as you. I'm not going to give you any advice because, quite frankly, I have none to give. All I can say to you is that you're not alone. There are many others in the exact same rut as us, only not everyone is brave enough to admit it.

I feel a little better

 

[rememberthestars]

never give up hope.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

never give up hope.

As they say "hope dies last..."

 

[Skorian]

Too late, I gave up hope ages ago.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

Too late, I gave up hope ages ago.

Have you tried any online dating services?

 

[Skorian]

Too late, I gave up hope ages ago.

Have you tried any online dating services?

Ya, I can't even talk to people on those things. Feels wrong. I can't intentionally look for a date. It's complicated, but needless to say I have a very hard time letting people get close. Most people give up in 5 minutes.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

Too late, I gave up hope ages ago.

Have you tried any online dating services?

Ya, I can't even talk to people on those things. Feels wrong. I can't intentionally look for a date. It's complicated, but needless to say I have a very hard time letting people get close. Most people give up in 5 minutes.

I think the key is to find like-minded people first by just trying to start conversations. I think if people are able to tell that you're only out looking for a date, they won't get too interested since they're bombarded with that all the time anyway. Yeah.. i think it's best not to ask someone out too soon much but to just let the conversation develop- just like you would in real life. Then when it seems really opportunistic.. go for it.
But I'm no expert as I've never tried anything like it so feel free to disregard what I've said.

 

[Skorian]

Too late, I gave up hope ages ago.

Have you tried any online dating services?

Ya, I can't even talk to people on those things. Feels wrong. I can't intentionally look for a date. It's complicated, but needless to say I have a very hard time letting people get close. Most people give up in 5 minutes.

I think the key is to find like-minded people first by just trying to start conversations. I think if people are able to tell that you're only out looking for a date, they won't get too interested since they're bombarded with that all the time anyway. Yeah.. i think it's best not to ask someone out too soon much but to just let the conversation develop- just like you would in real life. Then when it seems really opportunistic.. go for it.
But I'm no expert as I've never tried anything like it so feel free to disregard what I've said.

Ya, the problem is I went through alot of crap growing up and tend to not talk at all. When I do talk it's about random crap or just what I have to say and no more. If I say something personal then it's harder then hell to ever talk to them again. It's better online, but I dunno. Even online I have a long string of people I vanished from because I said too much and couldn't deal with it. Basically I reflexively keep people away. Don't even seem to have control over it. It's complicated as hell. My health is pretty crappy at this point so I don't really get out much anymore. Such is life.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

Too late, I gave up hope ages ago.

Have you tried any online dating services?

Ya, I can't even talk to people on those things. Feels wrong. I can't intentionally look for a date. It's complicated, but needless to say I have a very hard time letting people get close. Most people give up in 5 minutes.

I think the key is to find like-minded people first by just trying to start conversations. I think if people are able to tell that you're only out looking for a date, they won't get too interested since they're bombarded with that all the time anyway. Yeah.. i think it's best not to ask someone out too soon much but to just let the conversation develop- just like you would in real life. Then when it seems really opportunistic.. go for it.
But I'm no expert as I've never tried anything like it so feel free to disregard what I've said.

Ya, the problem is I went through alot of crap growing up and tend to not talk at all. When I do talk it's about random crap or just what I have to say and no more. If I say something personal then it's harder then hell to ever talk to them again. It's better online, but I dunno. Even online I have a long string of people I vanished from because I said too much and couldn't deal with it. Basically I reflexively keep people away. Don't even seem to have control over it. It's complicated as hell. My health is pretty crappy at this point so I don't really get out much anymore. Such is life.

Do you have someone you can talk things over with when you need to? Like a family member? If the problem is that you don't talk much because you're inhibited, it's best to start by just getting out more and talking to more people, subsequently putting yourself more in front of friends and romantic partners. Check out succeedsocially.com for some ideas. If you're mistrustful of people, for instance, then it's best to gradually. Now, If your health is crappy due to physical illness then.. ionno.. depends on how serious it is.. You could probably visit a physician and hear what they have to say..
But I'm pretty much just shooting out ideas at this point so if something isn't the case just let me know or w.e.

 

[Skorian]

Too late, I gave up hope ages ago.

Have you tried any online dating services?

Ya, I can't even talk to people on those things. Feels wrong. I can't intentionally look for a date. It's complicated, but needless to say I have a very hard time letting people get close. Most people give up in 5 minutes.

I think the key is to find like-minded people first by just trying to start conversations. I think if people are able to tell that you're only out looking for a date, they won't get too interested since they're bombarded with that all the time anyway. Yeah.. i think it's best not to ask someone out too soon much but to just let the conversation develop- just like you would in real life. Then when it seems really opportunistic.. go for it.
But I'm no expert as I've never tried anything like it so feel free to disregard what I've said.

Ya, the problem is I went through alot of crap growing up and tend to not talk at all. When I do talk it's about random crap or just what I have to say and no more. If I say something personal then it's harder then hell to ever talk to them again. It's better online, but I dunno. Even online I have a long string of people I vanished from because I said too much and couldn't deal with it. Basically I reflexively keep people away. Don't even seem to have control over it. It's complicated as hell. My health is pretty crappy at this point so I don't really get out much anymore. Such is life.

Do you have someone you can talk things over with when you need to? Like a family member? If the problem is that you don't talk much because you're inhibited, it's best to start by just getting out more and talking to more people, subsequently putting yourself more in front of friends and romantic partners. Check out succeedsocially.com for some ideas. If you're mistrustful of people, for instance, then it's best to gradually. Now, If your health is crappy due to physical illness then.. ionno.. depends on how serious it is.. You could probably visit a physician and hear what they have to say..
But I'm pretty much just shooting out ideas at this point so if something isn't the case just let me know or w.e.

Well family went through the same stuff. Obviously siblings were not really at fault. As far as extended family goes, there is none since no one got along. Talking about events that made you who you are is not going to change how you feel or who you are when it's a part of you. It just turns into pointless complaining. Been there, done that. I have heard plenty of complaining and excuses for people doing what they did. Basically it's how they feel and what was done to them so that made it ok to do it too. Doing it too really isn't an answer and doesn't change anything.

That's just it; I really have no desire to want to trust people or to get out more. No matter how miserable I am, every time I have tried to be around people I change my mind and decide I would rather be by myself. When people paying attention to you makes you feel ill, there really isn't much you can do. Like I said it is complicated and there isn't anything anyone can do. I highly recommend no one ever hit small children for wanting to play, for just being there, for being happy, or any other stupid reason. Not even getting into being told terrible things every day. Sometimes, depending on kid’s natural predisposition, they pay the consequences for it forever.

There is more too it, but I really don't want to say right now.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

Too late, I gave up hope ages ago.

Have you tried any online dating services?

Ya, I can't even talk to people on those things. Feels wrong. I can't intentionally look for a date. It's complicated, but needless to say I have a very hard time letting people get close. Most people give up in 5 minutes.

I think the key is to find like-minded people first by just trying to start conversations. I think if people are able to tell that you're only out looking for a date, they won't get too interested since they're bombarded with that all the time anyway. Yeah.. i think it's best not to ask someone out too soon much but to just let the conversation develop- just like you would in real life. Then when it seems really opportunistic.. go for it.
But I'm no expert as I've never tried anything like it so feel free to disregard what I've said.

Ya, the problem is I went through alot of crap growing up and tend to not talk at all. When I do talk it's about random crap or just what I have to say and no more. If I say something personal then it's harder then hell to ever talk to them again. It's better online, but I dunno. Even online I have a long string of people I vanished from because I said too much and couldn't deal with it. Basically I reflexively keep people away. Don't even seem to have control over it. It's complicated as hell. My health is pretty crappy at this point so I don't really get out much anymore. Such is life.

Do you have someone you can talk things over with when you need to? Like a family member? If the problem is that you don't talk much because you're inhibited, it's best to start by just getting out more and talking to more people, subsequently putting yourself more in front of friends and romantic partners. Check out succeedsocially.com for some ideas. If you're mistrustful of people, for instance, then it's best to gradually. Now, If your health is crappy due to physical illness then.. ionno.. depends on how serious it is.. You could probably visit a physician and hear what they have to say..
But I'm pretty much just shooting out ideas at this point so if something isn't the case just let me know or w.e.

Talking about events that made you who you are is not going to change how you feel or who you are when it's a part of you. It just turns into pointless complaining.

I agree. Some negative events, if they are insense enough and occur early, can exact a terrible burden upon a person's subsequent development. However, that doesn't mean you should just surrounder yourself to those apects which apparently defined your experience early on. You can learn to accept it for what it is- the past and all and try to move forward with your life as best you can. I know it can be hard but your situation isn't hopeless.

I have heard plenty of complaining and excuses for people doing what they did. Basically it's how they feel and what was done to them so that made it ok to do it too. Doing it too really isn't an answer and doesn't change anything.

Not really sure what you're getting at..

That's just it; I really have no desire to want to trust people or to get out more. No matter how miserable I am, every time I have tried to be around people I change my mind and decide I would rather be by myself. When people paying attention to you makes you feel ill, there really isn't much you can do. Like I said it is complicated and there isn't anything anyone can do. I highly recommend no one ever hit small children for wanting to play, for just being there, for being happy, or any other stupid reason. Not even getting into being told terrible things every day. Sometimes, depending on kid’s natural predisposition, they pay the consequences for it forever.

That sucks . Yet still, there's no point in giving up. While you're alive you can always find some sort of purpose. Spending too much time alone isn't really healthy and not even this forum can fully substitute the basic real-life social necessities that each individual requires to feel whole. There's really no point in spending a lot of time alone. There are millions of people out there just like you who felt and feel the same things you have/are- this forum is an example of such a testament for starters. Get as much outside help as you can,for instance, like counsellor or something if you have no one else.. But just try to be around people more would be my advice..You don't even have to communicate with them if you don't want to.. What precisely makes you ill when they look at for instance? Are you fearing they're instensely judging you..?..

Anyway, all I'm saying is that if you actually want to improve your life, you should starting making some changes..gradually step by step. There's no point otherwise of sitting on a forum most of the day, content to be interacting with others in similar positions- face to face interaction is the more important facet here..