travis
Member
Ok, a brief history is required:
In school I was bullied, taunted and ridiculed to the point of having to leave because I couldn't cope with it anymore - I did not go to another school for fear that the same thing would happen there - I had no real friends in school anyway and did not go out and socialize simply because I did not fit in and was seen as an outcast, pretty much
Straight after school leaving age I did not go on to Uni, College or work because of severe anxiety and remained unemployed for years, relying on family (and friends of family members) for socializing. I did not have any friends of my own. My parents did not support me much during these years, they knew that I had problems in school but did very little about it. Consequently, years of unemployment and lack of education has left me with nothing - no money, no assets, no friends or social life, no relationships (other than family), etc.
I have tried many things since then to try to improve the situation: I've tried adult college, Uni (as a mature student), various workplaces, meetings, groups - all sorts of things, but I CANNOT make friends. And none of these things has actually led to any long term employment, either. There are many beliefs that are stopping me from making friends/forming relationships and/or becoming successful in some way, such as:
1) God/A higher power is stopping me from having friends as a punishment, or because I have been 'chosen' to leave society behind and pursue a life outside of society
2) I will never have friends because I don't have any friends to begin with, so people are always going to reject me because sooner or later they will realize that I am a loner - and to most people in society - being with a loner is never preferable or desireable
3) Nothing will ever work for me because nothing has worked for the last 20 years - so why is it likely to suddenly change now?
No matter what I do to try and think differently and change these beliefs, they always return. Very strongly. I am starting to suspect that I may have some kind of personality disorder - Avoidant or Schizotypal.
I have received some help from professionals - such as counsellors, psychiatrists etc, but their help is limited and none of them have diagnosed me with anything other than anxiety/depression, and - as always happens - things improve for a while, then just come crashing down again and I ALWAYS end up in the SAME situation.
I have been having suicidal thoughts lately, because my life really is pure torture at times. I cannot see a way out - I wake up and realize every morning that I am in the same nightmare. That it isn't a dream or a joke.
In school I was bullied, taunted and ridiculed to the point of having to leave because I couldn't cope with it anymore - I did not go to another school for fear that the same thing would happen there - I had no real friends in school anyway and did not go out and socialize simply because I did not fit in and was seen as an outcast, pretty much
Straight after school leaving age I did not go on to Uni, College or work because of severe anxiety and remained unemployed for years, relying on family (and friends of family members) for socializing. I did not have any friends of my own. My parents did not support me much during these years, they knew that I had problems in school but did very little about it. Consequently, years of unemployment and lack of education has left me with nothing - no money, no assets, no friends or social life, no relationships (other than family), etc.
I have tried many things since then to try to improve the situation: I've tried adult college, Uni (as a mature student), various workplaces, meetings, groups - all sorts of things, but I CANNOT make friends. And none of these things has actually led to any long term employment, either. There are many beliefs that are stopping me from making friends/forming relationships and/or becoming successful in some way, such as:
1) God/A higher power is stopping me from having friends as a punishment, or because I have been 'chosen' to leave society behind and pursue a life outside of society
2) I will never have friends because I don't have any friends to begin with, so people are always going to reject me because sooner or later they will realize that I am a loner - and to most people in society - being with a loner is never preferable or desireable
3) Nothing will ever work for me because nothing has worked for the last 20 years - so why is it likely to suddenly change now?
No matter what I do to try and think differently and change these beliefs, they always return. Very strongly. I am starting to suspect that I may have some kind of personality disorder - Avoidant or Schizotypal.
I have received some help from professionals - such as counsellors, psychiatrists etc, but their help is limited and none of them have diagnosed me with anything other than anxiety/depression, and - as always happens - things improve for a while, then just come crashing down again and I ALWAYS end up in the SAME situation.
I have been having suicidal thoughts lately, because my life really is pure torture at times. I cannot see a way out - I wake up and realize every morning that I am in the same nightmare. That it isn't a dream or a joke.