Immobilized.

[Ampi]

Let me take you back to a few years ago when I noticed that girls weren't scary any more (well, at least I wasn't afraid of cooties). This was when I noticed that I was too afraid to look at a certain girl, and yet every chance I got I would stare; that might sound completely contradictory, but you see, I would end up staring before noticing that I was. I went home and pondered for a little while, and came up with the fact that I had a crush, so I accepted it and continued right on my life thinking it would wear off after a while. I was wrong. Dead wrong.

Back in the present day, let me try to explain to whoever might be reading this how much I love this remarkable specimen of biological construction. I have recently found out that I have a knack for writing poems, and figured what better inspiration would there be than her. I started writing, and writing more, then stopping. "This just doesn't work!" I would scream in my head. After going through all of the most mushy and stupidly gigantic expressions of love one could even dare to imagine, I found myself thinking that everything I wrote just didn't seem to hold even the lighting power of a candle to the sun-like explosions that I thought should start feeling after I finished writing. When I read what I write in the perspective of a bystander I'm actually very surprised I don't start crying afterward, so I've come the conclusion that my feelings are beyond the written spectrum, and to me, that's just crazy.

The only thing keeping me back is two simple yet conflicting fears building a wall of impasses to keep me just on the edge of breaking down, while keeping my courage up just enough to not give in to defeat.

The first fear is the fear of rejection, and just not living up the standards that I would set for myself if it works out in the end. These just build up so much when I'm alone that the only thing keeping my head above the water is the positive fear that pushes me closer to the one I love. This fear is the fact that sooner or later she'll get picked up my someone other than me, and that I need to act fast if I want to take the chance that was so gracefully planted my garden to blossom and look just beautiful if I watered it. These two fears always manage to balance themselves just so that I'm about to go for the gold, but I end up doing something that's just a friendly gesture; or nothing at all.

I know that if I want to get anywhere with this I'll need to swallow my fear and show some love, so why I'm writing this is that maybe, just maybe, if I can get some encouragement from you guys to help hold my tower of courage up while I climb, I can get up there and tip the scales of my fear so I can get on with my life. On a side note, I just find it amazing that I've actually gotten to this point being only fifteen and all. I always thought that feelings like these would have the courtesy to wait, and that I would just have little fleeting crushes until later in my life. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to live with it.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

lol...i get ya.

I loved someone more than words could say.
I love her more than life itself.
My body shacked, my mind trimmble when I'm around her.
My heart explodes and words just don't come out right when i talk to her.lol

Courage is not without fears, it's when we move forward inspite of fears.
Yeah..sometimes life has a mind of it's own.

 

[Brian]

Well, I think you should definitely go for it and tell her you like her. But don't lay it on as thick as you're feeling, or you're going to scare her away Trust me on that one. We've all been there.

Being 15 is kind of a tough time emotionally. I know everyone tells you that, because everyone told -me- that when -I- was 15 (I'm 21), but they say it because it is true. Especially for the shy types like us.

You like this girl, that much is obvious. But at 15 those feelings are probably being amplified 50x by hormones. I'm not saying a relationship can't develop, that's up to you and her if she turns out to like you. But I will suggest one thing: If you get something going, don't get oneitis over her. You're both going to probably change as people as you grow and the hormones balance themselves, so chances are it might not be forever. And that's OK; to pull a line from Avenue Q, 'Except for death and paying tax, everything in life is only for now'. That's an excellent, funny musical by the way.

Anyway. Relating my own experiences, it sounds like you're developing oneitis already, a sort of Love Tunnelvision. Trust me when I say this usually leads to catastrophe because I've been there. I had oneitis for a girl and it caused me pretty bad grief for 5 years, and every now and then that hurt still comes back even though I can look on it retrospectively and see that I should have seen those events coming a mile away.

But I digress. Just try and ease up a little, ditch the tunnelvision, -then- go for the girl. Do it now or you'll regret it forever. Something great might come from your advance...and you know what? If she turns you down, you've gained valuable experience that some people -myself included- never found when we were in school. You'll have at least asked her out and you'll have a start on getting used to rejection (something we all blow -way- out of proportion) if you haven't already.

And keep writing the poetry. Save it till after you guys know eachother some, though, then start easing in to it. Most girls will appreciate it in one way or another.

Let us know how it goes!