In his arms...

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CenotaphGirl

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I spent the day longing to be in his arms, I don't know why... maybe I just wanted to feel safe.
I never feel safe just on my own anymore, even when i'm indoors.
I know for most men, simply being in their arms without anything else well... is not an option...
However, I still longed for it. I pictured calming down, breathing in sync, smudging my make up on his shirt.
Crying a little... who am I kidding... crying a lot. I just want to be his problem...
I don't want him to be able to function if I am not okay... as thats how I feel about him.
Oh hey toxic traits! I knew you wasn't too far away... in case you wondered why I am so alone... there ya go.
I don't deserve to be cared about, but I want him to care anyway... tell me its not my fault i'm all messed up and crazy...
Make someone else responsible.... I know it's not true but it's just what I wanna hear...
I want him to play with my hair, cuddle me tight, tight enough to know he's strong, to know he wont let go.
I dont want him to let go, but he will, he ******* will. When he lets go I'll just make small talk, yeah that'll work,
Pretend I don't wanna die as my breathing starts racing, the feeling of calm is quickly replaced with embarrassment as I lift my head to see my make up on his shirt.
The safety... turned to vulnerability. Excuse me, I'm crazy.
 

Cherubino

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he must provide a reason not you ... one day he'll regret it but then you'll be immune ... I'm very good at this 🔮
 
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I spent the day longing to be in his arms, I don't know why... maybe I just wanted to feel safe.
I never feel safe just on my own anymore, even when i'm indoors.
I know for most men, simply being in their arms without anything else well... is not an option...
However, I still longed for it. I pictured calming down, breathing in sync, smudging my make up on his shirt.
Crying a little... who am I kidding... crying a lot. I just want to be his problem...
I don't want him to be able to function if I am not okay... as thats how I feel about him.
Oh hey toxic traits! I knew you wasn't too far away... in case you wondered why I am so alone... there ya go.
I don't deserve to be cared about, but I want him to care anyway... tell me its not my fault i'm all messed up and crazy...
Make someone else responsible.... I know it's not true but it's just what I wanna hear...
I want him to play with my hair, cuddle me tight, tight enough to know he's strong, to know he wont let go.
I dont want him to let go, but he will, he ******* will. When he lets go I'll just make small talk, yeah that'll work,
Pretend I don't wanna die as my breathing starts racing, the feeling of calm is quickly replaced with embarrassment as I lift my head to see my make up on his shirt.
The safety... turned to vulnerability. Excuse me, I'm crazy.
That all sounds great to me. I really like it when a woman lays on my chest and we hold each other. It's great! Better then sex.

It isn't your fault! You didn't create yourself. Others did that. But, you can take charge of yourself now that you are aware. It's your life. You can learn to control it.
 

9006

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It's like a sad poetic problem they'd have on university challenge. In all seriousness I'm just reading years of abuse & **** relationships.
 

CenotaphGirl

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It's like a sad poetic problem they'd have on university challenge. In all seriousness I'm just reading years of abuse & **** relationships.
Awh thanks I write monologues to work through my feelings ✨ but I was hoping people would read that my clinginess is less of a choice and more like a drug to someone as messed up as me🙃
 

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