Incomprehensible

[Somnambulist]

I think if you get in a group or anything like this forum with the sole purpose of meeting someone to date, you might end up a little frustrated. Better to let things happen on their own, meet people you enjoy talking to and not worry too much... one day you'll find that person, I don't think you need to really look for it.

Yeah, I know that. I'm not saying that we should all, all 22000 of us, fly to Amsterdam, book all the hotels in the city, and have one big orgy.

I'm just saying that a LOT of golden opportunities in this world are missed because of ridiculous boundaries.

 

[DarkSelene]

If you met an amazing person at Starbucks and fell in love instantly, how would you feel if he/she told you, "This is a coffee shop, not a dating site." ?

That wouldn't make any sense hahaha

Thank you ! People have all these unnecessa-*******-ry boundaries ... "I'm here for a hike.", "I'm here for yoga", like they have their ******* genitals locked up and swallowed the key.

Like I said in my very first post here, "If you ask me why I think loneliness on this Earth is so pervasive, I'll tell you that it is simply because people have their priorities in life all backwards."

People mostly suck, very hard to find a cool community of understanding people, that don't have a bunch of unnecessary ******* boundaries! Haha this place is really good for that... people of all ages, talking about anything...

 

[Somnambulist]

People mostly suck, very hard to find a cool community of understanding people, that don't have a bunch of unnecessary ******* boundaries! Haha this place is really good for that... people of all ages, talking about anything...

Amen !

Say, would you date an older guy ? We can lock ourselves in my apartment, close the curtains, and listen to Pink Floyd all night long !

Haha, I gotcha ! For a second, at least, you were completely stumped   Nah, I've sworn myself to lifelong celibacy, anyway ... (and ... I only date older women ... sssshhhh)

 

[DarkSelene]

People mostly suck, very hard to find a cool community of understanding people, that don't have a bunch of unnecessary ******* boundaries! Haha this place is really good for that... people of all ages, talking about anything...

Amen !

Say, would you date an older guy ? We can lock ourselves in my apartment, close the curtains, and listen to Pink Floyd all night long !

Haha, I gotcha ! For a second, at least, you were completely stumped   Nah, I've sworn myself to lifelong celibacy, anyway ... (and ... I only date older women ... sssshhhh)

I mostly date older guys. 

Hahaha I'm going to be the crazy cat lady that ends up alone and the kids in the neighborhood have nightmares about!

 

[Somnambulist]

Hahaha I'm going to be the crazy cat lady that ends up alone and the kids in the neighborhood have nightmares about!

Well, it's nearing Halloween ... the kids are gonna love ya ... just have on some of that goth makeup when you answer the door for candy

 

[DarkSelene]

Hahaha I'm going to be the crazy cat lady that ends up alone and the kids in the neighborhood have nightmares about!

Well, it's nearing Halloween ... the kids are gonna love ya ... just have on some of that goth makeup when you answer the door for candy

Ooh, I just made the best goth lipstick, gotta show the pic sometime. 

I'll be found a week after I'm dead with the face eating off by all the cats. Best Halloween story for a haunted house!

 

[TheRealCallie]

Why if we are 22k people on here we cant find more partners?

Because of attitudes like the one below

Cuz this isn't a dating site.  =P

No, not because of attitudes like that.  This isn't a dating site. 

But let's break this down a bit. 
First of all, while there may be 23000 registered users, only a fraction of them are active.  Probably at least a few thousand of them are banned spammers, another portion are banned members, and then you have those that register and never post or come back and then there's those that only post once and then leave.  Add to that all the older members that are still registered but left for whatever reason.  All in all, there are probably only, maybe if you're lucky and putting a positive spin on it, a few thousand people that are active.

Second, not all of those few thousand that bother to post are single, many people here are married or have a partner.  And those that don't aren't necessarily looking for someone.  And on top of that, even if some people are ready and willing to date, that doesn't mean they would want a long distance relationship, which is, more likely than not, what would happen when you meet on a forum.

And lastly, just because this is a forum for lonely people does NOT mean that people come here looking for a date or someone to love.  I would imagine that most people here simply want to be with people who understand them, find a group of people that are like them, that have the same problems as them.  That doesn't, in any way, indicate that they want to find the love of their lives. 

So yeah, when it all boils down by the numbers, you can maybe find a few people who want to meet someone or are lucky enough to start talking to someone that they mesh well with and start dating.  As I posted earlier in here, there is a thread for single people, as it's likely buried, that would indicate that it's not all that popular....at least not anymore.

 

[Lacrecia]

First of all, while there may be 23000 registered users, only a fraction of them are active.  Probably at least a few thousand of them are banned spammers, another portion are banned members, and then you have those that register and never post or come back and then there's those that only post once and then leave.  Add to that all the older members that are still registered but left for whatever reason.  All in all, there are probably only, maybe if you're lucky and putting a positive spin on it, a few thousand people that are active.

Second, not all of those few thousand that bother to post are single, many people here are married or have a partner.  And those that don't aren't necessarily looking for someone.  And on top of that, even if some people are ready and willing to date, that doesn't mean they would want a long distance relationship, which is, more likely than not, what would happen when you meet on a forum.

And lastly, just because this is a forum for lonely people does NOT mean that people come here looking for a date or someone to love.  I would imagine that most people here simply want to be with people who understand them, find a group of people that are like them, that have the same problems as them.  That doesn't, in any way, indicate that they want to find the love of their lives. 
 

Exactly this. This forum is more compatible with finding people who understand what you go through, and who are willing to form friendship. There are enough dating sites out there for those who want a partner, and if a romantic relationship is formed on ALL, it should be natural and real rather than just an attempt to feel less lonely or miserable.

 

[constant stranger]

This thread has been very instructive to me and thought provoking too.

 

[SofiasMami]

First of all, while there may be 23000 registered users, only a fraction of them are active.  Probably at least a few thousand of them are banned spammers, another portion are banned members, and then you have those that register and never post or come back and then there's those that only post once and then leave.  Add to that all the older members that are still registered but left for whatever reason.  All in all, there are probably only, maybe if you're lucky and putting a positive spin on it, a few thousand people that are active.

Second, not all of those few thousand that bother to post are single, many people here are married or have a partner.  And those that don't aren't necessarily looking for someone.  And on top of that, even if some people are ready and willing to date, that doesn't mean they would want a long distance relationship, which is, more likely than not, what would happen when you meet on a forum.

And lastly, just because this is a forum for lonely people does NOT mean that people come here looking for a date or someone to love.  I would imagine that most people here simply want to be with people who understand them, find a group of people that are like them, that have the same problems as them.  That doesn't, in any way, indicate that they want to find the love of their lives. 
 

Exactly this. This forum is more compatible with finding people who understand what you go through, and who are willing to form friendship. There are enough dating sites out there for those who want a partner, and if a romantic relationship is formed on ALL, it should be natural and real rather than just an attempt to feel less lonely or miserable.

+1
There's more to life than looking for a romantic relationship around every corner or on any forum you happen to be on.
There's a time and place for everything. When I'm on a violinist forum, I want tips on bow technique and when I'm on here these days, I'm looking to virtually socialize with friends, not necessarily to look for a boyfriend.

 

[Somnambulist]

No, not because of attitudes like that.  This isn't a dating site. 

But let's break this down a bit. 
First of all, while there may be 23000 registered users, only a fraction of them are active.  Probably at least a few thousand of them are banned spammers, another portion are banned members, and then you have those that register and never post or come back and then there's those that only post once and then leave.  Add to that all the older members that are still registered but left for whatever reason.  All in all, there are probably only, maybe if you're lucky and putting a positive spin on it, a few thousand people that are active.

Second, not all of those few thousand that bother to post are single, many people here are married or have a partner.  And those that don't aren't necessarily looking for someone.  And on top of that, even if some people are ready and willing to date, that doesn't mean they would want a long distance relationship, which is, more likely than not, what would happen when you meet on a forum.

And lastly, just because this is a forum for lonely people does NOT mean that people come here looking for a date or someone to love.  I would imagine that most people here simply want to be with people who understand them, find a group of people that are like them, that have the same problems as them.  That doesn't, in any way, indicate that they want to find the love of their lives. 

So yeah, when it all boils down by the numbers, you can maybe find a few people who want to meet someone or are lucky enough to start talking to someone that they mesh well with and start dating.  As I posted earlier in here, there is a thread for single people, as it's likely buried, that would indicate that it's not all that popular....at least not anymore.

TheRealCallie - I agree with almost everything you said ... you are a site moderator and you obviously know more about the user demographics than I do. But, that doesn't change the fact that people put up unnecessary boundaries (like what SofiasMami said), that prevent the admittedly few people who ARE looking for others, from doing so.

Exactly this. This forum is more compatible with finding people who understand what you go through, and who are willing to form friendship. There are enough dating sites out there for those who want a partner, and if a romantic relationship is formed on ALL, it should be natural and real rather than just an attempt to feel less lonely or miserable.

Lacrecia - Yes, but how can any relationship be formed, real or surreal, when a person has his/her guard up for no good reason - "This is not a dating site."

+1
There's more to life than looking for a romantic relationship around every corner or on any forum you happen to be on.
There's a time and place for everything. When I'm on a violinist forum, I want tips on bow technique and when I'm on here these days, I'm looking to virtually socialize with friends, not necessarily to look for a boyfriend.

SofiasMami - You're going to the other extreme of what I said to try and invalidate. No need for that. I'm not suggesting that people look for love around every corner. I'm simply suggesting that, where it seems logical to be able to find like-minded friends/partners, (i.e. a site for lonely people ... come on, do you really want a more conducive environment ?) that people keep their minds and hearts open.

BTW, I've tried many dating sites. They are MUCH LESS CONDUCIVE to dating than a site like this, which, in my opinion, is perfect for finding partners, for the simple reason that people have more flexibility in how they interact, feel less pressure, can really get to know each other before any sort of courtship occurs, and there are other options (friendships, being pen pals) ... keyword here is "options" ... as in "keep your options open" ... don't slam that door shut by saying "This is not a dating site" or "This is a violinist forum".

One last question/thought - Are you saying that it is more likely that someone who is more compatible with you will show up on a dating site rather than, let's say, a grocery store ? I'm sure you'll agree that, statistically speaking, your soul mate could show up anywhere. When he does, you'll want to keep your mind, and your heart, open

 

[VanillaCreme]

TheRealCallie - I agree with almost everything you said ... you are a site moderator and you obviously know more about the user demographics than I do. But, that doesn't change the fact that people put up unnecessary boundaries (like what SofiasMami said), that prevent the admittedly few people who ARE looking for others, from doing so.

She's not a forum moderator.

 

[Somnambulist]

TheRealCallie - I agree with almost everything you said ... you are a site moderator and you obviously know more about the user demographics than I do. But, that doesn't change the fact that people put up unnecessary boundaries (like what SofiasMami said), that prevent the admittedly few people who ARE looking for others, from doing so.

She's not a forum moderator.

Oh, I know why I thought she was. On one of the sticky threads ("Important threads"), someone said, "Please talk to TheRealCallie to set up XYZ" ... so I assumed that she was a moderator. Anyway, thanks for the clarification.

 

[VanillaCreme]

TheRealCallie - I agree with almost everything you said ... you are a site moderator and you obviously know more about the user demographics than I do. But, that doesn't change the fact that people put up unnecessary boundaries (like what SofiasMami said), that prevent the admittedly few people who ARE looking for others, from doing so.

She's not a forum moderator.

Oh, I know why I thought she was. On one of the sticky threads ("Important threads"), someone said, "Please talk to TheRealCallie to set up XYZ" ... so I assumed that she was a moderator. Anyway, thanks for the clarification.

That's specific towards the chat room for the forum.

 

[Lacrecia]

Exactly this. This forum is more compatible with finding people who understand what you go through, and who are willing to form friendship. There are enough dating sites out there for those who want a partner, and if a romantic relationship is formed on ALL, it should be natural and real rather than just an attempt to feel less lonely or miserable.

Lacrecia - Yes, but how can any relationship be formed, real or surreal, when a person has his/her guard up for no good reason - "This is not a dating site."

Maybe you believe that you are trustworthy, but it is something that must be shown to other people through actions. When a person has their guard up, it must be because of a good reason: because they were betrayed before or mistreated. So you need to be patient and give time for people to open up to you. you have to show that you can be trusted. It may happen or it may not happen. It is not always successful, and if you can end up having few friends at the end, you'd be lucky enough.

 

[Somnambulist]

Exactly this. This forum is more compatible with finding people who understand what you go through, and who are willing to form friendship. There are enough dating sites out there for those who want a partner, and if a romantic relationship is formed on ALL, it should be natural and real rather than just an attempt to feel less lonely or miserable.

Lacrecia - Yes, but how can any relationship be formed, real or surreal, when a person has his/her guard up for no good reason - "This is not a dating site."

Maybe you believe that you are trustworthy, but it is something that must be shown to other people through actions. When a person has their guard up, it must be because of a good reason: because they were betrayed before or mistreated. So you need to be patient and give time for people to open up to you. you have to show that you can be trusted. It may happen or it may not happen. It is not always successful, and if you can end up having few friends at the end, you'd be lucky enough.

Ok, sorry for the misunderstanding. I'm not talking about a guard when it comes to trust.

I'm talking about a brick wall that says "Dating - Other side of the wall". In other words, you are completely against the very idea and/or possibility of meeting someone for the purpose of dating. You are completely closed off. That has nothing to do with trust. I think that's a person putting up a boundary based on the thought, "I'm here to chill and hang out. And, if my soul mate comes along on this site, I will reject him because this is not a dating site. Too bad for him !"

What I'm trying to explain is so stupid (the boundary) that I'm having a hard time even putting it into words. You reject someone for the sole reason that the place you met was not meant for dating.

I gave the analogy of meeting someone at Starbucks, in an earlier response. Are you going to tell them, "Sorry, this is a coffee shop, not a dating site." ?

Am I getting through ?

 

[TheRealCallie]

TheRealCallie - I agree with almost everything you said ... you are a site moderator and you obviously know more about the user demographics than I do. But, that doesn't change the fact that people put up unnecessary boundaries (like what SofiasMami said), that prevent the admittedly few people who ARE looking for others, from doing so.

Yeah, as Nilla said, I am not a forum mod. I am admin in the chat room only. But I have been around for a while, so yeah, I know a bit about that honeysuckle.
People put up unnecessary boundaries? Really? I would have never thought anyone on a lonely forum, where quite a few of the people have insecurities or other issues would ever have boundaries up. It's not for YOU to decide what is and is not unnecessary for them as you don't know their stories about why they are here or what they are looking for.
If you want to find someone to love, go back to the first **** page and click the link I gave for the singles thread. Post in that. If someone wants to date someone here, that's a good place to start. Otherwise, it's on each individual to speak up if they want something....or NOT speak up, as is their right.

 

[Somnambulist]

TheRealCallie

TheRealCallie - I agree with almost everything you said ... you are a site moderator and you obviously know more about the user demographics than I do. But, that doesn't change the fact that people put up unnecessary boundaries (like what SofiasMami said), that prevent the admittedly few people who ARE looking for others, from doing so.

Yeah, as Nilla said, I am not a forum mod.  I am admin in the chat room only.  But I have been around for a while, so yeah, I know a bit about that honeysuckle.  
People put up unnecessary boundaries?  Really?  I would have never thought anyone on a lonely forum, where quite a few of the people have insecurities or other issues would ever have boundaries up.  It's not for YOU to decide what is and is not unnecessary for them as you don't know their stories about why they are here or what they are looking for.  
If you want to find someone to love, go back to the first **** page and click the link I gave for the singles thread.  Post in that.  If someone wants to date someone here, that's a good place to start.  Otherwise, it's on each individual to speak up if they want something....or NOT speak up, as is their right.

I am not looking for anyone, trust me. I, personally, came here to share my views and support people if I can.

That doesn't change the facts. Yes, they are unnecessary boundaries as I explained in my above post to Lacrecia.

I am simply stating my views on the subject ... it is sad that people miss out on chances, because of those boundaries. Now, I'm done talking about this. I'm not here to argue with anyone.

Feel free not to respond.

 

[sothatwasmylife]

First of all, while there may be 23000 registered users, only a fraction of them are active.  Probably at least a few thousand of them are banned spammers, another portion are banned members, and then you have those that register and never post or come back and then there's those that only post once and then leave.  Add to that all the older members that are still registered but left for whatever reason.  All in all, there are probably only, maybe if you're lucky and putting a positive spin on it, a few thousand people that are active.

Second, not all of those few thousand that bother to post are single, many people here are married or have a partner.  And those that don't aren't necessarily looking for someone.  And on top of that, even if some people are ready and willing to date, that doesn't mean they would want a long distance relationship, which is, more likely than not, what would happen when you meet on a forum.

And lastly, just because this is a forum for lonely people does NOT mean that people come here looking for a date or someone to love.  I would imagine that most people here simply want to be with people who understand them, find a group of people that are like them, that have the same problems as them.  That doesn't, in any way, indicate that they want to find the love of their lives. 
 

Exactly this. This forum is more compatible with finding people who understand what you go through, and who are willing to form friendship. There are enough dating sites out there for those who want a partner, and if a romantic relationship is formed on ALL, it should be natural and real rather than just an attempt to feel less lonely or miserable.

+1
There's more to life than looking for a romantic relationship around every corner or on any forum you happen to be on.
There's a time and place for everything. When I'm on a violinist forum, I want tips on bow technique and when I'm on here these days, I'm looking to virtually socialize with friends, not necessarily to look for a boyfriend.

That's a bit of a blow cos bow techniques is one of my favourite subjects

 

[Somnambulist]

+1
There's more to life than looking for a romantic relationship around every corner or on any forum you happen to be on.
There's a time and place for everything. When I'm on a violinist forum, I want tips on bow technique and when I'm on here these days, I'm looking to virtually socialize with friends, not necessarily to look for a boyfriend.

That's a bit of a blow cos bow techniques is one of my favourite subjects

LOL !!!