Incomprehensible

[VanillaCreme]

What I'm trying to explain is so stupid (the boundary) that I'm having a hard time even putting it into words. You reject someone for the sole reason that the place you met was not meant for dating.

I gave the analogy of meeting someone at Starbucks, in an earlier response. Are you going to tell them, "Sorry, this is a coffee shop, not a dating site." ?

Am I getting through ?

It's understandable what you're saying. It's possible to meet anyone anywhere. This site has had quite a few couples, some of which have gotten married and had children together after meeting on ALL. Some have even shared their story publicly on the forum. While I think it's lovely, because meeting someone that you click with and are happy with is hard to have anywhere, we've had to make it a point to some people that this is in fact not a dating site. Some people have thought that, and expected it to be as such. When it turned out not to be the case, they were just about upset at their expectation.

So the original, initial post of:

Why if we are 22k people on here we cant find more partners?

May perhaps make some people automatically point out that this isn't a dating site, so "looking" for someone here is probably not top priority for many people who join up.

 

[SofiasMami]

SofiasMami - You're going to the other extreme of what I said to try and invalidate. No need for that. I'm not suggesting that people look for love around every corner. I'm simply suggesting that, where it seems logical to be able to find like-minded friends/partners, (i.e. a site for lonely people ... come on, do you really want a more conducive environment ?) that people keep their minds and hearts open.

BTW, I've tried many dating sites. They are MUCH LESS CONDUCIVE to dating than a site like this, which, in my opinion, is perfect for finding partners, for the simple reason that people have more flexibility in how they interact, feel less pressure, can really get to know each other before any sort of courtship occurs, and there are other options (friendships, being pen pals) ... keyword here is "options" ... as in "keep your options open" ... don't slam that door shut by saying "This is not a dating site" or "This is a violinist forum".

One last question/thought - Are you saying that it is more likely that someone who is more compatible with you will show up on a dating site rather than, let's say, a grocery store ? I'm sure you'll agree that, statistically speaking, your soul mate could show up anywhere. When he does, you'll want to keep your mind, and your heart, open

Dude, relax. Obviously you haven't noticed that our members on ALL are spread out around the four corners of the globe. Yet, you claim that this site is more conducive to dating than a dating website. Really?
Also, if you want to look for a partner here or anywhere else, that's fine but don't demand that everyone else should be in line with your own beliefs. What might seem logical to you could seem completely illogical to someone else.

 

[Meaw]

All sides, chillax. Love happens if love happens, and if love happens it's (most of the time) not right to stop it. Then again, since love happens, it should not be forced. I doubt this discussion will come to much more conclusions than the points already made by all sides. Don't be so salty everyone, you make me hungry. Mmmm... salted waffles, salted yoghurt... *becomes aware of all weird looks Eh... Hi

 

[Somnambulist]

SofiasMami - You're going to the other extreme of what I said to try and invalidate. No need for that. I'm not suggesting that people look for love around every corner. I'm simply suggesting that, where it seems logical to be able to find like-minded friends/partners, (i.e. a site for lonely people ... come on, do you really want a more conducive environment ?) that people keep their minds and hearts open.

BTW, I've tried many dating sites. They are MUCH LESS CONDUCIVE to dating than a site like this, which, in my opinion, is perfect for finding partners, for the simple reason that people have more flexibility in how they interact, feel less pressure, can really get to know each other before any sort of courtship occurs, and there are other options (friendships, being pen pals) ... keyword here is "options" ... as in "keep your options open" ... don't slam that door shut by saying "This is not a dating site" or "This is a violinist forum".

One last question/thought - Are you saying that it is more likely that someone who is more compatible with you will show up on a dating site rather than, let's say, a grocery store ? I'm sure you'll agree that, statistically speaking, your soul mate could show up anywhere. When he does, you'll want to keep your mind, and your heart, open

Dude, relax. Obviously you haven't noticed that our members on ALL are spread out around the four corners of the globe. Yet, you claim that this site is more conducive to dating than a dating website. Really?
Also, if you want to look for a partner here or anywhere else, that's fine but don't demand that everyone else should be in line with your own beliefs. What might seem logical to you could seem completely illogical to someone else.

Dudette, you relax. You neglected to read my later post where I clearly mentioned that I have no intention of finding a partner on this site. Have a nice day/night.

 

[Paraiyar]

[quote pid='815386' dateline='1477718518']

BTW, I've tried many dating sites. They are MUCH LESS CONDUCIVE to dating than a site like this, which, in my opinion, is perfect for finding partners, for the simple reason that people have more flexibility in how they interact, feel less pressure, can really get to know each other before any sort of courtship occurs, and there are other options (friendships, being pen pals) ... keyword here is "options" ... as in "keep your options open" ... don't slam that door shut by saying "This is not a dating site" or "This is a violinist forum".

[/quote]

So your anecdotal experience is enough to determine that dating websites are less conducive to dating than this forum? Aside from the fact that one person's experience isn't enough to determine this, it seems kind of unlikely to be true when you consider the fact that most people do go on dating sites with the specific goal of dating and that dating sites allow you to focus on people living in your area. I live in New Zealand so the chances of me finding a partner on here are really slim (learned the hard way never to have online based relationships) whereas any dating website I went on would allow me to focus on my city exclusively. Plus, and this is my personal opinion, I think it can actually be a more effective approach to build up sexual chemistry before getting to know a girl in-depth because the opposite approach can result in them categorizing you in a non-sexual way. Obviously that isn't the case with everyone you meet but it could hurt your chances. Again, this last part is just an observation I seem to have picked up that might only have limited validity.

 

[ardour]

Just because people are willing to talk and engage in a more natural seeming sort of way doesn't mean they're open to looking for partner.

People will be less likely to want to open up about issues that are bothering them if they feel they're being judged as desirable/undesirable, or while having to fend off unwanted attention. It kind of undermines the purpose of the forum.

 

[Paraiyar]

Edit:nevermind, posted by mistake.