Indifference to my own life

[reynard_muldrake]

2015 was supposed to be the year where I managed to accomplish some personal goals. Dropping some weight, finding new friends, developing more independence by getting my license, and maybe looking into a return to education. The first few months were fine. I was studying for my driver's permit and lowering my consumption of sweets/junk food. Somewhere along the way, though, hopelessness sank in. Attempts at self-improvement slowly tapered off as the year continued on. In fact, I ended up gaining more weight. A year that had so much promise managed to just offer so much disappointment and melancholia. And forget about friends. There was one who held promise, but just drifted away.

I just see my life as a series of failed attempts to get "back on track". It's why I haven't been able to regain the drive to correct any problems. Existing like this is the last thing I need, yet I find myself physically and mentally unable to develop motivation of any kind. I would prefer to not exist at all than to just continue on as a shell of a human being. People like to toss around the quote "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take". Somehow I seem to miss 100% of the shots I *do* take.

 

[Tiina63]

Maybe you could try to accomplish one of your personal goals this year instead of trying to achieve all of them. Trying to do so much at once is demanding too much of yourself and is setting you up for almost certain failure, while working on one goal is far more manageable and is within reach.

 

[Despicable Me]

As Tiina63 suggests, Focusing on a single goal is indeed the only way to realistically gain any ground on issues when there are many.
If you find yourself becoming frustrated and unable to complete your goals, just forget all of them but the one you think will be easiest or most important to you. Work on that one until you have it accomplished and feel 'completed'. Then choose another.

Eventually you will find that those shots you take you do not miss often anymore. And when you do fail, take it as a learning experience. We all fail sometimes. We're all human, or at least we seem to be.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You don't fail until you give up completely. You stumble and make mistakes, but you don't fail. Keep trying and you can accomplish what you set out to do.

 

[9006]

Don't beat yourself up over failed resolutions, I made ONE an I still haven't done that. Lol. I think it was a lot to kinda ask for anyway, I think you'd be better if you tackled your goals in moderation rather all in a short space of time.

For most people motivation is really difficult, it's easy to loose sight of something. It's all about breaking the cycle and getting used to doing things, most of the time it only takes an slight imbalance of essential requirements to send you into a slow spiral. For example it could be poor sleep, lack of basic, healthy diet, etc... It's pretty easy to become negative about things since it's an early coping mechanism in the brain, everyone goes through this sometime so you're not alone.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Don't beat yourself up over failed resolutions, I made ONE an I still haven't done that. Lol. I think it was a lot to kinda ask for anyway, I think you'd be better if you tackled your goals in moderation rather all in a short space of time.

For most people motivation is really difficult, it's easy to loose sight of something. It's all about breaking the cycle and getting used to doing things, most of the time it only takes an slight imbalance of essential requirements to send you into a slow spiral. For example it could be poor sleep, lack of basic, healthy diet, etc... It's pretty easy to become negative about things since it's an early coping mechanism in the brain, everyone goes through this sometime so you're not alone.

Hmm. I think I don't have much time to achieve what I want. Sometimes I don't think there's ANY time for my desired accomplishments. I recently turned 30, so tackling one goal at a time doesn't seem like a luxury for me. Even though I realize it's not helpful to spread yourself thin, feeling like you're against the clock forces you to take on as much as possible. Not arguing or shunning your advice here; just explaining why I had tried to take on multiple goals this year.

 

[Butternutcapper]

I'm on the same boat as you, when it comes to losing weight and being more expressive.

 

[Despicable Me]

Hmm. I think I don't have much time to achieve what I want.

Why is that?
Don't tell me it's only because you've turned 30, because 30 is still young.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Hmm. I think I don't have much time to achieve what I want.

Why is that?
Don't tell me it's only because you've turned 30, because 30 is still young.

That's the main reason. You see so many around you settled by age 25 or 26 and you begin to suspect your moment has passed you by. I find people in their early 20's have more opportunities than people my age or older, so I take that into consideration as well. It doesn't help that I don't clamor for your typical 9-5 office job.

 

[Despicable Me]

That's the main reason. You see so many around you settled by age 25 or 26 and you begin to suspect your moment has passed you by. I find people in their early 20's have more opportunities than people my age or older, so I take that into consideration as well.

Don't give me that old stereotype. I really hate it.

First off, what 'other people do' is really quite irrelevant to you being able to achieve what you want with your own life.
The first mistake most people seem to make in life is comparing themselves to others. When you stop doing that you'll find life is probably a lot easier than you previously thought.

Second, while it's true that you 'see' many couples that age, there are still a massive number of single people out there. You don't often see them as much though because they aren't as willing to get out and do things, because that means going out and doing things by themselves. I'm betting you don't like to get out and do much yourself either.
And that's not even including all the people who get divorced in their late 20's and in their 30's and 40's. Maybe you personally don't want to be with a divorcee, that's fine, but don't overlook their entire existence just because it doesn't suit your preconceived notion of what people 'should' be doing with their lives at a certain age.

In life there is no 'right way' or 'wrong way' to do things at any particular time. You have the rest of your life left to do whatever you want with it.
There's only two circumstances where it is 'too late'.
1. When you know you don't have long left to live.
2. You have completely given up.
And the latter is only true if you make it true. So just don't.

I don't mean to undermine your thoughts and feelings by any means, but the facts are facts and it does bother me quite a bit when people undermine the truth just because they're feeling down, ESPECIALLY when that misconception of truth is what is driving them deeper down.

So please, forget what you've seen or heard. Forget what other people are doing. Forget any preconceptions you have about age, it's just a number.
You have the rest of your life to live, and who really knows how long that will be? So keep giving it what you've got and just do your best with every moment. Even if you don't succeed at everything, that's no reason to give up. Just a good reason to try again.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

"I really hate that". LOL because I love feeling like this? Uncalled for.
And why on Earth are you talking about romantic relationships? Singledom doesn't concern me in the least. When I used the word "settled", it was only in relation to careers. And yes, a lot of people do get settled professionally in their mid-20's. Sometimes younger.

 

[Despicable Me]

"I really hate that". LOL because I love feeling like this? Uncalled for.
And why on Earth are you talking about romantic relationships? Singledom doesn't concern me in the least. When I used the word "settled", it was only in relation to careers. And yes, a lot of people do get settled professionally in their mid-20's. Sometimes younger.

You didn't specify, and most of the people around here are talking about being single. What was I supposed to think? I can't read your mind.

In any case, it doesn't matter. Everything I said is still entirely applicable. Everyone does things in their own way and in their own time. There's no reason to believe you need to be exactly like everyone else, so you shouldn't compare. Just keep looking and keep trying and you'll find that special someone career.

As for your "uncalled for". It was completely called for.
Because you feel bad that means I can't hate something you do? Come on now. No need to be so defensive. I'm not calling you out, attacking you, or intending to offend you in any way. I just like people to face the facts and not dwell on their own perceptions.
And if that's what you want, to be miserable, then that's fine. Don't take my advice then, I couldn't promise it would help anyway. I just believe I understand the situation and provided a perspective that I believe should help. I can't force you to take my advice though, nor would I want to force you to do anything.
No one can help you find happiness if you refuse to find happiness, remember that. That's really all I can say at this point.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

You just continue living up to that username.

There really no need for you to be a patronizing prig. And if you weren't sure about something, then ask. My career doubts were obviously the only topic of conversation. But why ask when you can just chasten a stranger on the Internet? If you speak to people in your day-to-day life the way you address members here, expect to be a loner for the rest of your days.

And I don't want to be miserable. For someone who claims to have lengthy experience with depression and loneliness, you should know by now that no one wants to be stuck in such a mindset. Especially since you spent the majority of your own thread decrying yourself as a monster, despite shunning people who asked for reasons why you felt that way.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

If you are trying to gain muscle mass, you need to lift. However, if you are weak... you won't be able to curl 50lbs off the bat. Also, if you try to curl say maybe 20, you may end up hurting yourself.

Sometimes the the best and first goal is to find a good goal. You need to find the goldy locks goal. Make that your first goal, finding a good goal. One that isn't so difficult you are doomed to fail, and not so easy there is no visible pay off. Then once you find that goal, you'll know because you've achieved it. So you get to kill 2 birds with one stone right there. Then go from there.

Failure is always an option, but to try try again, is a choice.

You'll get there... small steps...

Also an unfortunate nature of the internet is it does little to improve our reputation within our immediate physical community. Try focusing on small self-improvement goals one at a time, little by little... Then work on getting that echo from society... in the end... you may not end up where you thought you wanted to be, but you might find you really enjoyed the trip along the way...

It's like the tale of impatient pupil...

This guy gets in a fight with a tough guy of the land and loses. In the hurt of his pride he claims he will defeat the guy in 2 years in the same place for a rematch. The man laughs and says, "you've got it, two years." So the guy who lost the fight goes to the highest master of the martial arts int he land and requests that he become his pupil. The master says, "sure, but it will take you 10 years to learn the way." The pupil says, "This will not do, I must be ready within 2 years." So the master replies," Then, it will take you 30 years."

Good luck!

 

[dd11]

All that I can say, is that others can only care about you insomuch as you care for yourself. You have to make yourself a priority and allow yourself to live life with passion. Yes, I am big on passion and enthusiasm. That is really the "joy" of life in my opinion. Set goals, work at things that make you feel better about yourself and eventually you will.

 

[Despicable Me]

You just continue living up to that username.

There really no need for you to be a patronizing prig. And if you weren't sure about something, then ask. My career doubts were obviously the only topic of conversation. But why ask when you can just chasten a stranger on the Internet? If you speak to people in your day-to-day life the way you address members here, expect to be a loner for the rest of your days.

And I don't want to be miserable. For someone who claims to have lengthy experience with depression and loneliness, you should know by now that no one wants to be stuck in such a mindset. Especially since you spent the majority of your own thread decrying yourself as a monster, despite shunning people who asked for reasons why you felt that way.

Do you really not see what you're doing?
People try to help you and how do you respond? You insult one of them and ignore everyone else. It's rather immature, in my opinion.

You thinking your little insults, attacking my username, my previous topic, and all of that would actually bother me is a bit silly. I know who and what I am, what I've done and what I've not done. So you mentioning these things, as if they were somehow insulting to me, speaks much more about yourself than it does about me.
So no offense, but I think your attitude towards other people would be a great place to start improving yourself. It would make getting jobs easier, making friends easier, and actually even just make day-to-day stuff easier, like going through the checkout at the grocery.

But it doesn't matter what I think, you decided a long time ago to take all my posts as insults rather than how they were actually intended. So be it. Your loss.