Is 'getting used to it' good or bad?

[copperation]

I've not had much success with women in my life. I've had just enough to keep me from going mad or bad but not enough to be sustained.

I don't know how many times I've heard the hackneyed excuse that even though I'm the nicest guy they've ever known and would take me as a good friend anyday, etc, I'm still that rubbish a romantic propositition that they don't care to see me again.

Ten years ago, at 19, I never really thought about being long term lonely. And when I did I thought it would be pergatory, but I'm really starting to have it grow on me.

To my surprise the heartache's wearing off. Nowadays I see couples and don't get jealous. I can listen to love songs and not feel the desire to change the track and I no longer feel longing at the sight of every nice lady.

But the point is that is this necessarily a good thing? Are my natural defences doing me a true favour by enabling me to relax in whatever clothes and haircut I **** well please, without a worry about what anyone else thinks? And is it good that I have so much more money for hobbies, for example being able to kit out a home recording studio to the gunwhales?

I know the old fashioned spinsters got used to being alone and that enabled them to relax and take life a little easier. But does this store up trouble for later life? Would there, do you think, be a payoff for this kind of denial in the form of a massive loneliness attack when I'm an old man?

I'm alright now, but what about later?

 

[Colette]

Humans aren't meant to be alone. We thrive on on affection and forming bonds wether through friends, family or partners.

I think it's good to get "comfortable with being uncomfortable" and accepting your current situation (note I said "current") because as we know life changes all the time. You may be alone now but tomorrow can be different.

 

[frey12]

Its very good, because sounds like your just getting better at being who you want to be. So if you do run along another person you may actually be in a good enough mood and well rounded on top of that.

 

[copperation]

E.M.E. - You have no fear of commitment, just a healthy lifesaving fear of murderous psychopaths. And I say that with the greatest disrespect to your boyfriend...

 

[copperation]

"Its very good, because sounds like your just getting better at being who you want to be. So if you do run along another person you may actually be in a good enough mood and well rounded on top of that."

I've found myself not wanting to indulge in that lately. Largely through fear of rejection, then weariness of the rigmarole of it all, then the thought I'll be throwing my money down a black hole again and then the idea that I may as well not tip the emotional apple cart and just stay as I am.

I haven't given up though, despite the fact that I've lowered my expectations as far as they can go without encouraging indignity, yet still nothing.

 

[lonelyloser]

I'm not sure it's a "good" thing. It's just denial sort of. I used to tell myself that I preferred being alone because then people couldn't get in my business. But that made me more cut off and awkward. Eventually it made me feel down in the dumps.

I really hate it when people say, oh you're such a nice guy, any girl would want to date you...blah blah...these days it's better if someone says "you're such a jerk and a player" because then it means you're more desirable to women.

I wish I could go back and lower my standards. I was too picky and passed up opportunities because of that. I dated some girls who were just too into themselves and their looks.

 

[copperation]

I'm not surprised you pull away from men, what a terrible experience of us you have had.

It's not a man's strength that's so dangerous, it's his nature. Easier said than done, but the trick is go and choose a fella of a good disposition. And anyway, any man can hurt a woman if he so wished. Of course it would feel safer to find a small and weak man to be with, but who could then fight off any other nasty big fellas who may try to harm you?

A doctor can't erase your memory through hypnosis, all he can do is try to get your equilibrium back on kilter.

I don't think growing old alone is necessarily a bad thing, just as long as you're not lonely. You can 'go steady' with a man friend for years and he'll think he's the happiest man on Earth. You'll be happy because you can have a nice secure long term romance without feeling overwhelmed and he'll be happy because he'll have no worries about wedding bells and mortgages.

You can have loyal human friends who won't hurt you at all either. Here's probably the best place because all we want is some gentle comfort too. Try sending me an email if you're interested in some nice messaging.

 

[evanescencefan91]

I say it's great that your happy, and i don't think you should change it

that post actually reminds me of this great youtube video