is it just me or is this wrong????

[kfccruelty]

I would be interested in hearing others imput on the following situation;

I am a 39 yo. female. I joined this forum several months before Christmas in hopes to connect with other lonely individuals and perhaps even make some new friends in the process. Within the first few days of my joining a got a PM from another member. I know that I probably can not mention her username but she is a 56 yo woman who lives in Chicago. She claims to be very lonely and suffer from terrible shyness, never had any friends, was picked on in school and still relives the pain to this day, her family members are all dead and she is SOOO LONELY!!! and what a terrific friend she would be to someone if only they would give her the chance, blah, blah blah
anyway, to make a longer story a little shorter, we started writing back and forth to each other. We seemed to have decent conversations in the letters.
But I wrote to her about a week after Christmas and have not gotten a return letter since.
I did write to her to make sure that she did at least get my last email and she did write a small paragraph back to me about 2 weeks ago to apologize for not getting back to me,that she has been very busy at work with extra hours and that she said that she would try and write back over that coming weekend but needless to say it is now 2 weekends later and I still have not heard back.
I thought that i was very nice in my last email to her too. Since she told me that she was all alone for Christmas I told her that if I had known this that i would have invited her to spend it with my family and I also told her that I tried to send her an e card but was unable to do so.
I never even received so much as a quick thankyou for thinking about her.
I am just wondering if I am being too sensitive or am I right to think that this is very rude?
She was the one who initially wrote to me with the sob story of not having any friends and now I think I am beginning to see why this may be the case.
I would like to get others viewpoints on this.
Any advice here would be greatly appreciated.
Perhaps others have had a similar experience on here with the same individual or someone else. I would be interested in hearing how you dealt with it.
Thanks in advance.

 

[Papabear]

She may not be in the right to have not responded BUT you don't know whats going on that has caused her not to respond.

You are being too sensitive.

 

[Skorian]

Many people who are shy or lonely have difficaulty socializing on some level. So I would just try to be as understanding as you can be. Try to find additional ways to reach her. Instant messanger, email, phone, home address. Depending on how much information she is willing to give out.


Several of the women here have been through serious trama of some kind and they need as much understanding as someone can give them.

 

[Punisher]

Some people want something so much, but after they get it they dont want it anymore.
I dont think your being too sensitive, i think your being too nice.
You sound like a lovely caring person, and she should be thanking you, but its her loss.

 

[SilentThinker]

I know of people who I sent messages to them and they do not reply.I was somehow angry at them for not replying to my messages.

But on second thoughts,people also have reasons for not replying to messages and some of the reasons are good.One of the reason is that they do not know what to say in the message to you and they prefer not to send.

I am angry at those people who are too lazy to reply messages but for your case,I guess it may be of a good reason.

 

[Bluey]

Dose sound like things have gone of a bit from her end. I would not take it personal. I mean there could be any number of reasons why this is. Sometimes ppl just get board doing one thing. Are it could be that she decided that this sort of thing was not for her.

I had spoken to someone now for over two years on the net and on MSN. He lives like a 2 hour car drive away from me and I was going to drive up late last year to see him. But every time I say anything about meeting up he is busy. Now also he is funny in a weird kinder way on MSN as well. I think all it is is that he is happy seat on the PC day in day out. He has some things in life he's not happy with but yet still he dose nothing about it. ppl sometimes say they wont something like punisher has said here but yet when there offered it they don't take the opportunity.

Like I said I would not take it personal. There are many moor ppl in the world. You just have to fined a person that is welling to be moor then just another contact on MSN. Or Snail mail. Shame to say but it dose seem her loss Bottom line is you can't make someone move on. They well only do that when there ready.

 

[kfccruelty]

hi, I would like to thank everyone who has taken the time to respond!!
it is so interesting to get so much different input on the situation.
Punisher, thanks so much for your very sweet response!!!
I really appreciate the kind words!! I think you are so right with what you said about people wanting something so much and then suddenly not feeling like that anymore. I have run into so many people like this in life!! That is a great observation!!I have also noticed that around Christmas there have been alot of people on here suddenly claiming how lonely they and crying out for friends. Then they suddenly drop out of sight after the holidays are over. It is funny how this person too was so interested in my friendship up until the holidays were over, now she seems to have lost interest! I am begiinning to think that she will likely come back on this system next year crying out for friends again around the holidays...LOL!
Silent thinker, I can so relate to that feeling of "anger" that you refer to when people do not respond too.It is funny because I thought that I was the only one who felt that way about that way about that kind of thing..LOL
Bluey, thanks for the added scenario.
Papa bear and Skorian, thanks for the added imput as well.

I think what bothers me most about the whole thing is that I am busy with so much in my life, as we all are but yet I still somehow find the time to set aside to write a letter to her and I put quite a bit of energy into this (it is not always easy to find this kind of time), as I try to do to anybody I am friends with as I believe that this is what it takes to keep and maintain friends.
and to get NO response in return I feel is a bit hurtful in a way, especially from someone who has pleaded for my friendship to begin with!
I also wrote this as a sort of warning to anybody else who may try and write to this individual who has an add looking for penpals in the pen pal/friends section on here and may run into the same kind of cold response after a while.
I am guessing that this is the reason that this person may not have friends. As another individual pointed out, since she has never had any friends she probably does not know how to be a friend.
I will also listen to those of you who said to try not to take it personal. I have to admit, that part is not that easy though...LOL! I almost feel like confronting her in a way.
Thanks again, everyone! and I am still open to any further advice on this.

 

[Minus]

I just expect any exchange of emails to fade away over time. Peoples lives and circumstances change. It just happens and usually it is nothing personal. I can only think of three people that i have been exchanging mail with for years. The rest have faded away before then. I imagine if that didn't happen there wouldn't be enough time in a day for us to write everyone.

It was very nice of you to take the time to reach out to her and i can understand your feelings about her just disappearing after saying she was in such need. I don't see her actions as really unusual. Not the most considerate but not unusual either.

 

[Brian]

I was writing back and forth with a gal for a few exchanges, but then our mid-winter work picked up (shoveling roof tops clear of snow, since a building can only hold so much weight) and when that happens (more like happened, past tense, since I don't work there anymore), the length of our day would double to make sure we made as much money as we could since that would be our food and bills till the spring thaw. So I stopped writing for about two weeks. I did write back and appologize and she responded, then I sent another message and I haven't heard back since; according to her profile she's no longer registered. Not sure how that works.

But on the other hand there's a few people I've gotten in touch with and we talk semi regularly, play games online etc.

 

[Naleena]

There is no telling what is going on with her. Maybe christmas left her very depressed. Some people when they become very depressed they tend to shut the world out. Maybe she is afraid to get close. I would probabley write her a note and let her know you still hope she is well and when she is ready to talk, you will be here for her. Give her some space. And yes, it would have been the polite thing to have written you back- regardless of why she didn't write you. People are human and you have to forgive them from time to time. If this becomes a habit though, you may want to reconsider your friendship with her and look elsewhere.

 

[evanescencefan91]

i'm sorry antikfc,

i love this forum here, but sometimes, even here people aren't as reliable as we would hope, this has also happened to me a few times here. It isn't a nice feeling

people are unpredictable which makes life pretty hard, but i've still got a few good penpals that i've met here

i hope you can met some *hugs*

 

[Skorian]

I would simply point out again that if you give up then it simply drops the ball. Even if you have the expectation that the ball is in their court. You could be the bigger person and keep trying. It might make all the difference.

 

[kfccruelty]

Hi, thanks everyone once again for some further advice. I will keep all of this in mind.
I will give some thought to what you are saying as well, Skorian. I appreciate your sharing your viewpoints on the situation.
I just wanted to also to clear up any possible misconceptions that I may have given about myself;
I am in no way a stickler/anal ( whatever you would want to call it...LOL) about people writing back to me by a certain length of time. I, myself will sometimes fall behind in regards to writing back to people or calling people back, etc., etc. . I think that this particular situation just stood out as a bit more annoying for the fact that this woman claims to be so lonely and friendless and almost desperate in a way but yet treats me and perhaps others like this that are trying to be friendly towards her.
I also did not like the fact that I had to be the one to find out if she received the letter. If I can not write back to someone right away I always at least try and send out a quick note just to let them know that I at least got the email and will get back to them when I have more time and I also thought that she could have at least sent out a quick thankyou for the fact that I at least thought to invite her for Christmas and tried to send an ecard. Lack of manors is a real pet peeve of mine...LOL!
Like I said, I just did not want to leave the wrong impression about myself. I am actually very easy going when it comes to things like letter writing and phone calls and stuff. I know that people are busy with their lives and it is not always easy to find time to keep up with things like letter writing in the way that we would like.
I would also like to make a quick edit in regards to my saying in my last post that her not responding was a "bit hurtful", that may be a bit of an exageration. I guess the best way to desribe it is to say that it is very annoying.
Thanks again everyone for your thoughts on the subject and I am always open to hearing anything further on this.

 

[kfccruelty]

evanescencefan91, I really appreciate your relating to me.

 

[The_Matrix]

All I can really say on this one is that I agree with what punisher said.
I've had people do that to me who I've known in person, let alone just a pen pal. They just suddenly stop calling because, in my case, they found new people to hang out with.
I've found that people don't value the loyalty I demonstrate and they show little of it themselves, but that's just my experience.

 

[kfccruelty]

thanks Matrix and I agree with what both you and punisher have said. I appreciate your advice as well.
sorry that you found such ungratefulness too.
It is amazing how people will complain about not having any friends when they treat people with such disrespect!!
Hopefully we will all find people that are deserving and appreciate us!

 

[Skorian]

Well I personally think it is more important to appreciate others then it is to go around expecting praise and appreciation. Seems like it is alot to expect and a good way to set ones self up for being let down. I would try not to even think of wanting praise.

And I always find it interesting that often when people are overly nice it is because they want something. So don't really think what they say, but butter others up to get what they want. And once they get it, how quickly they aren't so nice anymore.

 

[Marius]

I just expect any exchange of emails to fade away over time. Peoples lives and circumstances change. It just happens and usually it is nothing personal. I can only think of three people that i have been exchanging mail with for years. The rest have faded away before then. I imagine if that didn't happen there wouldn't be enough time in a day for us to write everyone.

It was very nice of you to take the time to reach out to her and i can understand your feelings about her just disappearing after saying she was in such need. I don't see her actions as really unusual. Not the most considerate but not unusual either.

Agreed.

 

[kfccruelty]

thanks Minus and Marius for giving me more to think about.