Isolation and my dilemma

[ExiledWays]

I've been hesitant to post anything like this before, I think becouse I don't trust people easily, and I worry that I will be judged and whatnot. But hell, maybe it will help me to write about it.

My biggest problem is that I'm isolated, and have been since I had to drop out of school a few years ago becouse of mental health issues. It was a bad decision, but how could I have know what awaited me then?

Anyways, it's been a couple of years now, and I haven't made any real progress, my days are very much the same. At first I feared that I was just a lazy lowlife and that is why I can't get my life back in order. But it's so much more than that, no one would choose this for themselves.

I'm often depressed and even suicidal, I have a hard time coping with just... existing, sometimes. I think I could manage to have a job though, if it was something that I could deal with. Sadly, since I haven't finished my studies, there's zero chance that I could get any job whatsoever. I've tried to reach out for help, but society isn't exactly embracing in that aspect.

So, my only obvious option seem to be to pick up my studies again. I would definately like to, and it it out of the way. The problem is that it's extremely tough for me to deal with simply going outside. Sure, I can go out to visit the nearby stores and such, but that's becouse it feels pretty safe, although sometimes that too gets me down. When I have to be around alot of people I just get really depressed, I can't deal with it. A while ago I went to visit my sister, it's only a short drive, maybe 10 minutes, but it hit me really hard, I felt sick. Exposing myself to the world like that can even makes me want to kill myself, it's that difficult for me to deal with.

I definately have some mental issues (otherwise I don't think I would be in this situation at all). Most recently I discovered that I can relate very much to a disorder called avoidant personality disorder, although I don't have a diagnosis or anything. I've been in theraphy on and off since I was around 11 years old. It has never done me any good, unfournately.

In the end, I just wish I could find a way back into the world. I know that if I could get back on track somehow, things could be so much better. I might find my way someday, but I fear I might lose my mind before that.

Anyways, if you read this far, thanks for listening! And don't feel obligated to reply, even though I would appreciate any input you guys may have. It's just nice to get this off my chest.

/ExiledWays

 

[DayvanCowboy]

I think the best thing to do is to take things slow and steady. Not too slow, but try and get outside once in a while around your living area and maybe take a few steps around the block or sit down somewhere and read. Try to push yourself to do things you would not usually like to do. Things that have been holding you down and may stop you from being able to go to college or have a job.

To me the fact that you are really thinking of ways to better yourself and lifestyle is a great sign, and the best way towards improving yourself for the future. Good luck.

 

[Minus]

I don't have any answers or even suggestions. I can identify with quite a number of things that you have mentioned but still struggle with them.

It seems that i just wanted to say that i am glad that you felt comfortable enough to write about what is going on with you.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I ioslated myself for a year....that was totally wierd.
I had borderline cabin fever and almost turned into a vampire
I thought I was batman....back to the cave
Yeap..I had to psyh myself out just to make a quick trip to the store.

As Cowboy suggested...I had to take baby steps.
I made myself leave my house evreyday...it was a major hurdle for me.
The **** sunlight hurted my skin. Being around people made me cringed.
I remember forcing myself to try to take a bike ride to a park that's only
2 blocks from my house...I made it around the block and hual ass home
It took me 2 weeks just to make it to the park...I just rode my bike around
it once than hual ass home.lmao
Graually I was able to force myself to sit at the park for a couple of hours,
even though I still kept people at a distance...never the less I was making progress.

I also went into the chat room to help me interact with people.
I also have a member of this forum called me...It helped so..so so much
just to be able to talk to someone or hear a vioce again.
Serveral other members also help me and support me through my tough times.

After a month of that..I was able to return back to work.
Even though I knew the people at the office...I almost vomitted my first
day back at work...I had to do it 5 mins at a time...I couldn't sit at my
desk longer than 1/2 hour at a time. Half of the time I wanted to hual ass
home. Other times I wanted to just break down and cry.
It was totally wierd. I felt sick..but grually I was able to talk and flirt with
the girls at the office.

Then I forced myself to go shoping alone or go to the mall alone..lol
Then I ran into a friend. I called her or e-mail her all the time...that helped a lot.

Graually I was also to start attend my support group meetings again..
Holy honeysuckle man...I remember the first day...I was in a zone and shaking.
But a woman reached out to me..she told me to not give up and keep
attending the meetings..becuase she knew excatly what I was going through.
She too isolated herself for years. I can sit and talk to her and have a
normal conversation now...joke around or talk about whatever.
I have 4-5 people that's gettting closer to me or I've allowed into my life.
They call me all the time to check up on me...because they knew I isolated myself.

Then I had to go work in Mexico in a city of 2 millions people..
Holy honeysuckle man..I didn't even know Spanish..The first couple of
weeks was like shocking to me..but I had to do it.
It was a challange..but it was good for me.
Grauaully I got accustom to being around a lot people and trying to communicate
half ass in Spanish. Half of the time I thought I was going to get mugged.lol
But I didn't...common people in mexico are nice just like anywhere else.

Now I can go bike riding for 10 miles. Complete strangers will say hello to me.

I got laid off 4 months ago...I goal is still to be able to attend school again.
It's alot of progress for me compair to how I was last summer.
I still have my moments now and then but for the most part I'm pretty happy today.

 

[vanderlei]

what kind of therapy are you in? 1on1?

i did that vor years, cidnt work for me. then i tried group therapy. i dont regret it. maybe it wont work fot you, but theres a chanche

granted that prolly scares the honeysuckle out of you. i know ot did me. coildnt eat for a week before the first meeting. but i went even thovi was shaking and scared shitless.

didnt do miracles, but helped. now ive got a blue collar job, i dont have any higher education. i live alone and pay mt own bills,

youcan totally get a job without that much school, but it wont be the highest paying one.



anyway, the best of luck to you man, take it easy, take it sliw.


ps sorry for horrible writinf. on my cell

 

[samba101]

I agree with Dayvan, just take things slowly. A good thing might for you to get a journal and write down mini goals, for instance driving to your sisters you can break this down into little steps before you take on the whole journey. A good thing to write about to is your fears so you can deal with them one by one, set yourself a goal of when this needs to be accomplished by and what downfalls there are, you might find that you have to work on other issues first before even starting on your goals. Finding a website with other people who are dealing with the same issues as you can help greatly. Do you know what the underlying fear is about? I find once I know what something is then I know what direction to head in.

 

[ExiledWays]

Thanks alot for sharing your insights with me guys, it has definately given me some new things to think about.

I think that I may have, mostly subconciously, given up becouse the task at hand has felt too overwhelming and it has made me think that I better just accept my fate and learn to live with it. Obviously that hasn't been working out very well, but I think I've been too afraid to accept that fact.

I'm going to try to get out more, if just for a walk, I think it would benefit me alot (I could sure use some excercise aswell). And perhaps further down the line I could start going downtown to browse some shops or something, that might help make me feel more used to being around people, even though the thought of it makes me feel a bit sick, but one step at a time, huh?

Hmm, there's actually alot I could do to improve my situation, I just think that my fears have been clouding my mind about it. I thank you all for the inspiration.

 

[Twitchy]

Hmm, there's actually alot I could do to improve my situation, I just think that my fears have been clouding my mind about it. I thank you all for the inspiration.

I relate to many of the difficulties you described. While I don't have that many useful answers these days, if you feel like talking more you know where I am.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

A few things:

I agree with several other posters about taking it slowly: baby steps. I think that easing yourself back into society is better than plunging headfirst and then getting overwhelmed.

So, my only obvious option seem to be to pick up my studies again. I would definately like to, and it it out of the way. The problem is that it's extremely tough for me to deal with simply going outside.

Do you think that taking classes online might be an option for you? That way you can ease back into academics in a more comfortable setting. Perhaps at some point you could transition to a more traditional classroom setting.

I've been in theraphy on and off since I was around 11 years old. It has never done me any good, unfournately.

Therapy is tricky. I had a therapist for years and all she would do is sit there and let me vent. She never gave me constrictive criticism or direction. It was all talk-therapy, but it did nothing. Sure, she validated my feelings, but I got nothing out of it. Hell, I could have sat with a girlfriend and a pitcher of margaritas and gotten the same effect.

There has been such an emphasis on simply validating people's feelings, but it has come at the expense of then actually working on them.

I've been looking into a therapist who uses Cognitive behavioral therapy instead of the traditional lame "rap sessions." Perhaps that might be an option for you as well.

 

[ExiledWays]

Do you think that taking classes online might be an option for you? That way you can ease back into academics in a more comfortable setting. Perhaps at some point you could transition to a more traditional classroom setting.

That is a very good idea. I did look into it quite some time ago and my options seemed limited at that time (or maybe I just didn't look closely enough). Anyways, I looked around a bit just now and it does seem more hopeful this time around.

Thank you for the reminder, this is definately worth checking out further.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

That is a very good idea. I did look into it quite some time ago and my options seemed limited at that time (or maybe I just didn't look closely enough). Anyways, I looked around a bit just now and it does seem more hopeful this time around.

Thank you for the reminder, this is definately worth checking out further.

Yay! There is still hope, then.

I know that most of the advice I get from people is to tackle one thing at a time, which is usually pretty funny when my whole life is a shambles, but anyway. I see the sense in it. I know I'd start feeling better about myself if there was one aspect of my life where I could say truthfully that things did not suck.

The question is: where do we start? lol

 

[Divinitywolf]

Everyday being the same, nothing very interesting happening, feeling isolated from the rest of the world.
Hmm that sounds familiar.

You have my sympathy because it really does suck to feel this way.
The suggestion of online courses is a good one and could get you bit by bit on the right path.

@cheaptrickfan Where do we start? Maybe we should try to compare ourselves to other people who are worse off. That might highlight the better aspects of our life and try to go on from there? Sometimes all we can do is wait until there is a turn of events. If you think there isn't going to be a real change in the future then you need to turn all those negative thoughts into motivation to try and get out there and make things better.

Hell I'm no therapist...this is just my opinion

 

[cheaptrickfan]

@cheaptrickfan Where do we start? Maybe we should try to compare ourselves to other people who are worse off. That might highlight the better aspects of our life and try to go on from there?

Oh, trust me, I keep that in the forefront of my mind. Some days it's the only thing that keeps me going.

Sometimes all we can do is wait until there is a turn of events. If you think there isn't going to be a real change in the future then you need to turn all those negative thoughts into motivation to try and get out there and make things better.

My problem is overcoming apathy. It's 100% an attitude problem on my part and I know I can change it, but I have to want to make the change and accept that it might not be easy.

*sigh* baby steps

Hell I'm no therapist...this is just my opinion

Don't knock yourself. It's good advice.

 

[Divinitywolf]

Yeah its actually trying to change your attitude thats the hard part...
At least being aware that you want the change and accept the difficulty means you're part way there already.
I guess sometimes we have to throw ourselves off the edge, do things we don't usually do to try to change our attitude?
Take a leap (and try not to nosedive)

 

[Stagnant]

Thank you all so much for sharing,
you give me hope to try, and not just give up.
talk about isolation I live 20 mi out in the country and 200 mi from any major city

 

[coricopat]

Isolation is a huge problem for me too. And once I'm all on my own for periods of time, it just becomes harder and harder to get out once the opportunity arises again.

To the OP: Are you getting any kind of therapy/treatment for your mental health issues? Also, I find that life really IS too overwhelming, and that it's best to focus on small moments instead of looking at the big picture. Seems counter-intuitive at times, but it really does work.