WanderingArtist
Member
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2010
- Messages
- 8
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Hello, I'm new and I already wrote a post for new members.
I have so much to tell... but I don't know how to write it. I can't describe how I feel. Sorry for the possible mess.
I'll simply start by saying that life has never been fair with me. In elementary school I was bullied and everyone loved to pick on me. No one ever wanted to have me in a group (sport or any other activity). I always heard groans from the people I was choosen to be with... and I also heard some say ''Why her?'', while they were rolling their eyes. A girl I thought was my best friend betrayed me. She simply tossed me away and found someone else. And she was not the first one... an another so-called best friend betrayed me in the same way. I bet you can understand how I felt... I was always left alone. Like I was sick and others were afraid to get the illness too.
At the end of the elementary, I found out that all my girl school-mates went to the cinema together... I was the only one non-invited. I found out that I was childish to them, that I was too hyperactive. I was 14... How the hell they expect me to act like an adult? I am ME. MYSELF. I won't change just because of others. I can be serious when needed. But why act false? Why be someone that you're not?
I believed that things in middle school would change. It didn't. It became worse. The girls started picking on me. The hid my things, called me names sometimes, laughed at me, also, spilled drink on my head in public.
In all this time, I met people. But you know what? They all left me. For no reason. Simply, they started not coming back to me. I said, that If something is wrong, they can tell me. But everyone of those people just '' No, you're a wonderful person and I won't leave! ''
Yes. Sure. They all did. I am no one special, but I need a friend. I need someone to share my days.
More happend in my life but I won't write all here, otherwise you're good for all night. I simply want to say... that there is that little that's keeping me alive.
Watching other people that are together, that laugh and joke while I sit alone, watching them from afar and ask myself why am I cursed like this?
I already feel so empty inside. I can't feel like a human anymore. I don't trust a singe person and I always wait when they'll turn their backs on me and hurt me. I even hate being too much around people and going to school is becoming something difficult to me. I know it's for me - the school. I should study. But... when nothing is going right... and you don't have anyone to talk with (someone that won't just shrug you off by saying: '' Everything will be alright, don't worry. '' and change the subject).
Where will you find some ''inspiration'' ti live and go on???
When someone asks me '' Where do you see yourself in the future? '' ,
I answer: '' I don't see myself anywhere. '', because all I 'see' it's blackness.
I am not suicidal... never been. I just terribly hate how life is going here.
I am always myself, always kind (to the people that are worth it)... and what I get? Sh!t in the face, by other, who are ********... to them, everything is going right. They have friends and are lucky as heck. I don't want to be like them... I just want my life to be better. I have some of those hyperactive moments (and I love them) when I feel very little of that pain... but then, BOOM, I'm back depressed again.
The funny thing is, no one ever takes me seriously. They all think about it like some little thing that wil pass. They will not understand untill they will feel what I feel. They say: '' I know I've been there... ''
No, you haven't... because then you'd understand. And wouldn't think of it as someting that will pass quickly like a cold.
Someone in school literally almost killed my by all that ''be optimistic''...
The person actually said it that way that it pratically sounded like it's MY fault for having a life like this. I swear, fist almost met it's face.
I tried to change my life, nothing helped. Believe me.
Here. I wrote it. Sorry for bothering you people too. I don't want to be a burden to anyone.
I just hope you won't shrug this off like everyone. This place is almost my last hope.
Thank you to whoever read this. Stay fine*
I have so much to tell... but I don't know how to write it. I can't describe how I feel. Sorry for the possible mess.
I'll simply start by saying that life has never been fair with me. In elementary school I was bullied and everyone loved to pick on me. No one ever wanted to have me in a group (sport or any other activity). I always heard groans from the people I was choosen to be with... and I also heard some say ''Why her?'', while they were rolling their eyes. A girl I thought was my best friend betrayed me. She simply tossed me away and found someone else. And she was not the first one... an another so-called best friend betrayed me in the same way. I bet you can understand how I felt... I was always left alone. Like I was sick and others were afraid to get the illness too.
At the end of the elementary, I found out that all my girl school-mates went to the cinema together... I was the only one non-invited. I found out that I was childish to them, that I was too hyperactive. I was 14... How the hell they expect me to act like an adult? I am ME. MYSELF. I won't change just because of others. I can be serious when needed. But why act false? Why be someone that you're not?
I believed that things in middle school would change. It didn't. It became worse. The girls started picking on me. The hid my things, called me names sometimes, laughed at me, also, spilled drink on my head in public.
In all this time, I met people. But you know what? They all left me. For no reason. Simply, they started not coming back to me. I said, that If something is wrong, they can tell me. But everyone of those people just '' No, you're a wonderful person and I won't leave! ''
Yes. Sure. They all did. I am no one special, but I need a friend. I need someone to share my days.
More happend in my life but I won't write all here, otherwise you're good for all night. I simply want to say... that there is that little that's keeping me alive.
Watching other people that are together, that laugh and joke while I sit alone, watching them from afar and ask myself why am I cursed like this?
I already feel so empty inside. I can't feel like a human anymore. I don't trust a singe person and I always wait when they'll turn their backs on me and hurt me. I even hate being too much around people and going to school is becoming something difficult to me. I know it's for me - the school. I should study. But... when nothing is going right... and you don't have anyone to talk with (someone that won't just shrug you off by saying: '' Everything will be alright, don't worry. '' and change the subject).
Where will you find some ''inspiration'' ti live and go on???
When someone asks me '' Where do you see yourself in the future? '' ,
I answer: '' I don't see myself anywhere. '', because all I 'see' it's blackness.
I am not suicidal... never been. I just terribly hate how life is going here.
I am always myself, always kind (to the people that are worth it)... and what I get? Sh!t in the face, by other, who are ********... to them, everything is going right. They have friends and are lucky as heck. I don't want to be like them... I just want my life to be better. I have some of those hyperactive moments (and I love them) when I feel very little of that pain... but then, BOOM, I'm back depressed again.
The funny thing is, no one ever takes me seriously. They all think about it like some little thing that wil pass. They will not understand untill they will feel what I feel. They say: '' I know I've been there... ''
No, you haven't... because then you'd understand. And wouldn't think of it as someting that will pass quickly like a cold.
Someone in school literally almost killed my by all that ''be optimistic''...
The person actually said it that way that it pratically sounded like it's MY fault for having a life like this. I swear, fist almost met it's face.
I tried to change my life, nothing helped. Believe me.
Here. I wrote it. Sorry for bothering you people too. I don't want to be a burden to anyone.
I just hope you won't shrug this off like everyone. This place is almost my last hope.
Thank you to whoever read this. Stay fine*
