It seems so easy

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Murakami_1

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In theory it shouldn't be hard right? Just talk, just be yourself and make friends.

It is so frustrating seeing everyone making friends so easy. I do my best, I go outside, I socialize, I work and hang with my colleagues. Still when socialising it seems fake and forceful. I never feel like myself, but like a robot. Imitating others to be normal. It's like I can't be myself but a version of me that I think others want to see.
It's just tiresome.
It's ironic because people have complimented me for my people skills, but I hate it, it's not real, not authentic. Maybe i'm just scared to be myself. I don't know anymore, I feel like I have been playing a role for to long. Can't even tell anymore.
 
I know what you mean. Maybe it's the way that the world Is changing. No one is authentic so we don't try to be anymore.
 
I get it… honestly, I am hated almost everywhere I go, I just expect people to hate me at this point, feels strange when someone likes me 😂 I wish it was as easy as it looks but people are funny, even me just saying my experience might offend someone, as they start thinking im competing with them when I am trying to show I relate to them ✨
 
Fake is everywhere. A lot of people seem socialize in order to grow their social media. An acquaintance I recently reconnected with used the opportunity to try to sell me a camera. Bizarre....how did he think I'd reaction? There are worse things than the fake though.

Finding genuine friends is numbers games. All you can do is keep at it and hopefully stumble across people you are more comfortable around. You'll find the 'real you' in the right company.
 
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In theory it shouldn't be hard right? Just talk, just be yourself and make friends.

It is so frustrating seeing everyone making friends so easy. I do my best, I go outside, I socialize, I work and hang with my colleagues. Still when socialising it seems fake and forceful. I never feel like myself, but like a robot. Imitating others to be normal. It's like I can't be myself but a version of me that I think others want to see.
It's just tiresome.
It's ironic because people have complimented me for my people skills, but I hate it, it's not real, not authentic. Maybe i'm just scared to be myself. I don't know anymore, I feel like I have been playing a role for to long. Can't even tell anymore.
Been there. My experience keep playing the roles and keep your true self to yourself. As exhausting as pretending may be its kind of like protection. People aren't as accepting and open minded as they believe themselves to be.
 
I get it… honestly, I am hated almost everywhere I go, I just expect people to hate me at this point, feels strange when someone likes me 😂 I wish it was as easy as it looks but people are funny, even me just saying my experience might offend someone, as they start thinking im competing with them when I am trying to show I relate to them ✨
Haha I also know my fair share of people like this.
They also think I'm bragging about my experiences. It's weird though, why would I brag about it? I wouldn't wish this on anyone else.
 
Been there. My experience keep playing the roles and keep your true self to yourself. As exhausting as pretending may be its kind of like protection. People aren't as accepting and open minded as they believe themselves to be.
No they really aren't. Even I am a hypocriet sadly. It breaks my heart to see "weirdos" being belittled and laughed at and yet I don't do anything about it.
Guess that means I add to the notion that you can't be yourself.
 
No they really aren't. Even I am a hypocriet sadly. It breaks my heart to see "weirdos" being belittled and laughed at and yet I don't do anything about it.
Guess that means I add to the notion that you can't be yourself.
You can be yourself you just have to be selective when exposing yourself. Well, thats how I feel at least. Im 43 and I have never met another person that actually knows me for me.
 
In theory it shouldn't be hard right? Just talk, just be yourself and make friends.

It is so frustrating seeing everyone making friends so easy. I do my best, I go outside, I socialize, I work and hang with my colleagues. Still when socialising it seems fake and forceful. I never feel like myself, but like a robot. Imitating others to be normal. It's like I can't be myself but a version of me that I think others want to see.
It's just tiresome.
It's ironic because people have complimented me for my people skills, but I hate it, it's not real, not authentic. Maybe i'm just scared to be myself. I don't know anymore, I feel like I have been playing a role for to long. Can't even tell anymore.

I hear you. When I was growing up things seemed pretty similar - it looked like everyone else was making friends so easily, but I struggled. I didn't share a lot of the same interests with the people around me, and I didn't share personalities with them either, so I didn't have much to talk about, and I didn't think or act like them, didn't have the same kind of temperament/nature. So I withdrew into myself, for fear of getting teased and labeled - I figured I would rather be nothing than labeled a loser.
It took me a long time before I started to open up more,
before I stopped caring as much what others thought of me (figuring that those who don't like me weren't going to like me anyway so don't worry about it),
and before I started trying to figure out more, who I really was, instead of just going along with however I was by default.

It took me until 8th grade to make any lasting friends that I still have to this day, because that's how long it took me to start finding people who not only matched my interests, but matched my personality, matched how my mind worked, my temperment/nature/way of thinking and talking.

I think that's the issue - it sounds like you're talking about socializing with work colleagues, as opposed to close friends, where you've had deep conversations and shared good feelings together. It's easier to "be yourself", around people that you have deeper, more meaningful, emotional connections with, someone you relate to in an emotional way, than just the fact that you happen to go to school or work at the same place, at the same time. That alone doesn't mean there's anything deep between you bringing you together, it's just circumstance/coincidence. Work colleagues tend to be more superficial in nature - you don't really get to know someone on a deep level at work, it's mostly just surface-level chit-chat, nothing that emotional - there's this sort of professional distance maintained, a boundary between professional and personal life.

I'm sure some people can, and do, turn connections that started out as just work acquaintanceships, and grow them into meaningful, genuinely emotional friendships or even romance. But I wouldn't say it's common.


Another thing, it's hard to "be yourself" when you're not entirely sure who "yourself" even is - what you really are like. I'm trying to figure this out myself, who I even am, what I really think and feel about anything, what I care about, what's the real me, and what I just think is the real me because it was my default setting/I never questioned it/I never knew better or considered what other options might suit me better, for what I think and want out of life.

All in all, I feel like there are some general social rules to follow (which haven't come to me instinctively), but also that you have room to follow those rules, in your own way.
 
I agree with a previous post....one is prudent to be selective with whom one reveals oneself. I'm really slow and reluctant to trust people, and at 69 years old there's only one person who knows me for me.
So I'm alone a lot, more than is probably healthy for anyone.
I think it would be better for me to take a few more risks and selectively trust a few more people.......the rewards might be worth it.
 
In theory it shouldn't be hard right? Just talk, just be yourself and make friends.

It is so frustrating seeing everyone making friends so easy. I do my best, I go outside, I socialize, I work and hang with my colleagues. Still when socialising it seems fake and forceful. I never feel like myself, but like a robot. Imitating others to be normal. It's like I can't be myself but a version of me that I think others want to see.
It's just tiresome.
It's ironic because people have complimented me for my people skills, but I hate it, it's not real, not authentic. Maybe i'm just scared to be myself. I don't know anymore, I feel like I have been playing a role for to long. Can't even tell anymore.
Early on I did not fit in with other kids. So, I watched what they did and what they said. Then I mimicked them. But, it wasn't natural and it definitely did not come accross as genuine. But, I stuck with it. It served me well while working. I guess because everybody else was pretending to be someone they were not. However, I got totally burnt out trying to be someone else, which contributed to me choosing to no longer work. Now, I'm just me and stay clear of other people. It much less stressful.
 
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In theory it shouldn't be hard right? Just talk, just be yourself and make friends.

It is so frustrating seeing everyone making friends so easy. I do my best, I go outside, I socialize, I work and hang with my colleagues. Still when socialising it seems fake and forceful. I never feel like myself, but like a robot. Imitating others to be normal. It's like I can't be myself but a version of me that I think others want to see.
It's just tiresome.
It's ironic because people have complimented me for my people skills, but I hate it, it's not real, not authentic. Maybe i'm just scared to be myself. I don't know anymore, I feel like I have been playing a role for to long. Can't even tell anymore.
Has it always been as hard as it is now? What about childhood or as a teenager?
 
In theory it shouldn't be hard right? Just talk, just be yourself and make friends.

It is so frustrating seeing everyone making friends so easy. I do my best, I go outside, I socialize, I work and hang with my colleagues. Still when socialising it seems fake and forceful. I never feel like myself, but like a robot. Imitating others to be normal. It's like I can't be myself but a version of me that I think others want to see.
It's just tiresome.
It's ironic because people have complimented me for my people skills, but I hate it, it's not real, not authentic. Maybe i'm just scared to be myself. I don't know anymore, I feel like I have been playing a role for to long. Can't even tell anymore.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just don't click with certain people or groups.
As someone mentioned earlier, finding genuine friends is a numbers game and maybe in the right company, you will be more engaged and present instead of just going through the motions.
Maybe then the ‘real you’ will come out naturally.

Early on I did not fit in with other kids. So, I watched what they did and what they said. Then I mimicked them. But, it wasn't natural and it definitely did not come accross as genuine. But, I stuck with it. It served me well while working. I guess because everybody else was pretending to be someone they were not. However, I got totally burnt out trying to be someone else, which contributed to me choosing to no longer work. Now, I'm just me and stay clear of other people. It much less stressful.
It’s unfortunate that those issues interfered with your ability to work...It takes a lot of effort to try and be someone you're not, and it's understandable that you would get burnt out.
When I did not worked remotely, I really disliked doing small talk and having to deal with all the shenanigans that came with working in an open-office. It all felt like such a waste of time and energy... I just wanted to do the work and leave the socializing part with people that I can form long-lasting meaningful connections instead with ones I did not choose to surround myself with. And even in the eventuality that I enjoy the company of a colleague, I will most likely not pursue a close friendship...I like to keep work and personal life separate.
 
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In theory it shouldn't be hard right? Just talk, just be yourself and make friends.

It is so frustrating seeing everyone making friends so easy. I do my best, I go outside, I socialize, I work and hang with my colleagues. Still when socialising it seems fake and forceful. I never feel like myself, but like a robot. Imitating others to be normal. It's like I can't be myself but a version of me that I think others want to see.
It's just tiresome.
It's ironic because people have complimented me for my people skills, but I hate it, it's not real, not authentic. Maybe i'm just scared to be myself. I don't know anymore, I feel like I have been playing a role for to long. Can't even tell anymore.
it always felt like a theatre play for me. still does sometimes
 

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