I've never had much of anything in my life. Most of my life has been suffering and waiting. Waiting for life to get good, but it never does. Waiting for my life to start. Waiting to stop suffering. It's terrible. You can think of anything you think is bad for you and chances are, that aspect of my life is worse than yours. I've always searched for an answer to this: Why is my life so terrible? Why is everyone else allowed to be happy and not me? I've waited for the answer and continue to do so. I've asked many people for the answer, but most people don't understand that question. Nobody understands me. I've spent thousands of hours waiting for this answer, and I still haven't found it yet. I hate waiting. All of my life has been for nothing. It makes me angry that all of this waiting is for nothing.
After looking back at all the time spent waiting for the answer, I've realized what humans are. Humans don't care about each other. People only care about themselves. They don't care a lot about themselves though. They are literally animals after all. What can you expect? One of the reasons why they don't care about each other is that they don't understand each other. People can't understand each other. Most people don't even understand themselves. The worst thing is when they think they're nice/caring/understanding, but they're not. It's disgusting. I was and am one of the nicest people I've ever known, yet my life was destroyed by other people. Most people are nto nice. People who often think they're nice. People who regret what they've done to me and think an apology is enough. After years of torment, I've learned to dislike people. I hate when they apologize for how they've ruined my life.
People are greedy at everything. They mask their greed and evil with polite words like "thank you" and "please", but they are still monsters in the inside.
There is no justice in this world. All my suffering is for nothing. I hate the idea of religion too. I hate it because it's not true. I wish it was real. I wish there was a heaven and a hell. Then, my suffering wouldn't be for nothing. But that's only a fairy tail. The reality is bad people AKA normal people will all be happy for causing my suffering while people like me will suffer for no reason. I was born with little chance of happiness. I've always been below average at everything. I've been at the bottom of everything. Most people don't understand or believe when I say that. I've never had anything. I've only had sadness, longing, and pain. That's all I've had-nothing. I hate it.
It's not people's fault they've ruined me though. There's no free will. This is a fact. I was simply not born to be happy. The world is against me. My existence is against myself. I understand there's not much I can do about my suffering. It will continue to destroy my life. Everything results in a consequence for me. I don't know why. That's simply my life. The world has been designed to make me suffer. I will have to continue this suffering called life.
I've been rejected by almost everybody, but that is only one of my problems. I've learned to live with it. My main problems are much more basic. Everything you take for granted is what I struggle with. Food, place to live, money, and health. This is where all of my problems stem from. My problem is money. If you have enough money in this world, you'll be happy. Not all of us were born middle class or even lower class though.
Most people were able to live a normal childhood and adulthood. They went to bed with a full stomach, had friends, watched tv, read books, lived in a house/apartment, etc... I never had any of this. Every time I tried to get a normal life I was only put down. There wasn't enough money for food, a home, or entertainment in my childhood and still. I'd get bullied by kids at school if I tried to make friends so eventually I stopped trying and sat alone. There was nothing I could've done about the money problem. My life is much worse than this. I've made it sound too simple. I was never smart either.
Edit: I'm not making this thread for people to pity me. I guess I want an answer, but there is none.
After looking back at all the time spent waiting for the answer, I've realized what humans are. Humans don't care about each other. People only care about themselves. They don't care a lot about themselves though. They are literally animals after all. What can you expect? One of the reasons why they don't care about each other is that they don't understand each other. People can't understand each other. Most people don't even understand themselves. The worst thing is when they think they're nice/caring/understanding, but they're not. It's disgusting. I was and am one of the nicest people I've ever known, yet my life was destroyed by other people. Most people are nto nice. People who often think they're nice. People who regret what they've done to me and think an apology is enough. After years of torment, I've learned to dislike people. I hate when they apologize for how they've ruined my life.
People are greedy at everything. They mask their greed and evil with polite words like "thank you" and "please", but they are still monsters in the inside.
There is no justice in this world. All my suffering is for nothing. I hate the idea of religion too. I hate it because it's not true. I wish it was real. I wish there was a heaven and a hell. Then, my suffering wouldn't be for nothing. But that's only a fairy tail. The reality is bad people AKA normal people will all be happy for causing my suffering while people like me will suffer for no reason. I was born with little chance of happiness. I've always been below average at everything. I've been at the bottom of everything. Most people don't understand or believe when I say that. I've never had anything. I've only had sadness, longing, and pain. That's all I've had-nothing. I hate it.
It's not people's fault they've ruined me though. There's no free will. This is a fact. I was simply not born to be happy. The world is against me. My existence is against myself. I understand there's not much I can do about my suffering. It will continue to destroy my life. Everything results in a consequence for me. I don't know why. That's simply my life. The world has been designed to make me suffer. I will have to continue this suffering called life.
I've been rejected by almost everybody, but that is only one of my problems. I've learned to live with it. My main problems are much more basic. Everything you take for granted is what I struggle with. Food, place to live, money, and health. This is where all of my problems stem from. My problem is money. If you have enough money in this world, you'll be happy. Not all of us were born middle class or even lower class though.
Most people were able to live a normal childhood and adulthood. They went to bed with a full stomach, had friends, watched tv, read books, lived in a house/apartment, etc... I never had any of this. Every time I tried to get a normal life I was only put down. There wasn't enough money for food, a home, or entertainment in my childhood and still. I'd get bullied by kids at school if I tried to make friends so eventually I stopped trying and sat alone. There was nothing I could've done about the money problem. My life is much worse than this. I've made it sound too simple. I was never smart either.
Edit: I'm not making this thread for people to pity me. I guess I want an answer, but there is none.
