just got a message

[duff]

Being closer to the situation than I am, I'm sure you're more aware of her motivations than anyone else here. But I can offer you a woman's perspective.
I never really had a lot of friends, but the ones I did have were close to me. I enjoyed their company and conversations, and do admit that with some of my men friends, there were instances of unrequited feelings on my part. There were times when I was purposely honest about my interest - nothing wrong with throwing out a hint or two - but if my feelings were reciprocated I didn't entirely hold it against the guys who weren't interested. Could they have given me a shot? Sure - but at what end? They weren't interested, that was just the bottom line.
And because they were my friends, because I cared about them, I was happy when they found love when they did. How could I resent something that made a good friend of mine happy - no matter how much I ached to fill that role?
I've had the reverse happen as well, men interested in me but the interest was not returned. I didn't feel it was my fault - should I pretend to placate his feelings? What about my feelings?
Please don't get me wrong, I really don't know how she behaved toward you. I never deliberately flirted just to get attention though I have known women to behave that way. They get heady from a steady source of devotion and miss it when that dries up. Is that the relationship you have with her?
If she was just a friend, who didn't lead you on (and I don't know if she did or not), then why can't you be happy for her? Isn't that how friends react when something good happens to someone they care about? She may not be attracted to you romantically. I don't see how that equates to her not enjoying your company or caring about you.
When I lost a friend because I couldn't be what he wanted me to be, it hurt me. Cutting me off made me feel my feelings were inconsequential to him. I was being punished for something beyond my control - it wasn't fair. I don't think that's how true friends behave.
You shouldn't be so dismissive of her feelings if you are her friend. Just because she doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't make her a bad person or a bad friend. Unless she's deliberately stringing you along, how is her honesty an affront to your friendship?
Hope you feel better about your situation - I've been where you're at and I know the disappointment you're dealing with.
Best of luck.

the way I saw it was she's got this new fella, she's got plenty of female friends, family, loads of people in her life. We don't work together anymore. I never heard from her unless I sent the message first. So I honestly thought she wasn't that bothered about me. I didn't want to bullshit myself into thinking we were friends. I hate over estimating my importance to people. I purposely waited to see if she would get in touch first.

Trouble was I run a lottery syndicate and she's still in it so I had to get in touch when she owed some money. So I sent a message saying she owed some money. She probably thought something was wrong so she tells me to 'keep in touch'

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What's wrong with just keeping in touch with someone because you're friends? Because that's what it sounds like this is. She cares about you. She's your friend - she's kept in touch with you even after you (by your own admission) started being very short with her. I don't get why that makes her some sort of heartless, calculating, attention-seeking uber-*****.

I'm sorry it didn't work out with her romantically. But from going through this thread it seems like it's set up for her to be the bad guy no matter what she does. If she doesn't reply, she's a ***** who never cared about you even though she kept in contact with you for a decade. If she does reply, she's a ***** who's only using you for attention.

i don't think I ever called her a *****. She certainly isn't. We worked together for 10 years so we was always 'in touch' - she's a lovely woman. It's hurts a little that I was never considered good enough for her. I got loads of banter about her, jokes that I liked her but that was people just having a laugh. I never did like her that much.

No I think the thread is about:

'should you continue to keep in touch with somebody if it's always you getting in touch first' OR

'don't always think the worst in people, it's easy to get fed up and think nobody cares when they probably do'

 

[TomTam]

Sorry to bee too radical but... she gives a **** about you.
But Why?
Simple.
When u send her messages, you are feeding her popularity. You are feeding her self-steem.
And she needs to be fed, like any other human being...
Thats why she sent you a message. She wants you to feed her. But she doesnt want YOU. She just want what she can get from you. She wants to suck your soul.
Be careful with this kind of people.

That's exactly what I wanted to say, thanks Romantic_Flower

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Yes I agree. Lots of people send mixed messages. I got led on in the past and found out I didn't mean a thing to them in the end. Hope things get better in your situation.

 

[duff]

alot of people do things on the spur of the moment to make themselves feel better about things. Like writing messages to somebody she used to work with.