T
tehdreamer
Guest
This will be a book of a post, but I need to just rant right now...
Ok, so I met this guy on a forum a while back and we started talking. He expressed interest in me as "more than a friend", but I had just met him so I said I couldn't really respond properly to what he said. But I also told him I'd really like to get to know him more. So we're talking more for a while on IM's and texts and I start to think he's a pretty nice guy and why not try to make things work with him? But I guess our wires got crossed, because he thought I wasn't interested in being more than friends at all and one day started asking me how he could find other women to date or whatever. I felt crushed, told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore, and pretty much hated him from then on.
Fast forward a few months later. I contact him again because I see him on the forum and he's having problems and I want offer some advice. My hate had pretty much worn off by then and I felt sorry for him and wanted to help out. Just be his friend again. We talk for a couple of weeks and he expresses interest in me again. Again, I don't really have an answer. This time it's because I don't think we're really compatible and I don't have any feelings for him in that way. I talk some friends about it and they pretty much tell me to give it a try.
I think things over for a day, come back, and try to discuss it with him. We're both sadly lonely and desperate people and the fact that I don't feel anything towards him just made me feel like we'd just bother be settling. I wanted to know how he felt about everything. I expected to be reassured in some way that I should give it a chance, but instead all I got was a lot of self-hate speech which really put me off. I finally decided that it just wouldn't be fair to him because, apparently, he had feelings for me and I didn't have them for him. He says more self-hate pity party crap, then says he still wants me to be his friend. I agree.
But then things took a turn for the worse as he started saying I was like every other women he tried to date. This pissed me off and hurt my feelings because while we had been talking those couple of weeks, he said all the other women he knew played mind games on him. He would express interest, they would reject him, then get mad when he moved on and started looking for someone else. I'm hurt because that's not what I was doing! Hell, I was telling him to move on! So he tries to say that's what happened the first time around! I had to explain everything of what happened and how we just completely misunderstood each others feelings the first time.
Still, this wasn't enough. He still kept saying I was like everyone else. I told him to quit saying it because it was hurtful. He said he didn't understand why it was hurtful. I explained it again. No dice. So I said "It doesn't matter why it's hurtful, just quit doing it" and he says "It does matter why". So I got pissed and the arguing continued. Finally we decided to just quit talking. But he did make a point of saying he still wanted to be my friend anyway.
I thought about saying "Hell no. Go away." but, after sleeping on it, I decided that I didn't want to abandon him. I already rejected his proposal, I didn't want to kick him to the curb friendship-wise too. So, today, I contact him and say we can still be friends. But I offer the advice that maybe he shouldn't lump everyone he meets into a box and don't assume everyone is going to treat him the same as people from his past. Give people a chance and don't close up because he could shut himself off from a chance to really be happy.
He didn't like that advice and said we shouldn't be friends. The lame ass reason was that he didn't want to argue with me. So I said that we weren't arguing, I was just offering some advice. He could ignore it and not listen to it, I don't care! And if he didn't want to be my friend anymore, he didn't have to make up a reason why. So he just flatly said "I don't want to be friends" and I'm like wtf.. "why?" And the next reason is because he doesn't want to argue with me in the future either. I try to explain that friends argue, that's part of any relationship, but it's not like people stay mad at each other forever. He says "we're starting to argue now" and I say "we are?" and he says "I'm done with this" and logs offline. I'm dumbfounded.
I go out of my way to still be his friend, and he dumps me because he doesn't agree with what I'm saying. I wasn't arguing, I wasn't angry or upset. I was just talking! I won't lie.. it hurts. It hurts a lot. I didn't do anything wrong, yet I still got kicked to the curb. I'd understand if he said this after I rejected his "more than friends" offer, but no.. he kept insisting we should still be friends and go back to the way things were two days ago. "I don't want to lose your friendship" was his words. Part of me thinks he only said it so I'd agree to be his friend, so he could dump me as revenge. I hope he got a nice big ego boost out of it because he sure destroyed mine.
I need to quit caring so much about other people's feelings. I should have gotten out while the getting was good instead of coming back and trying to be there for him. All it caused was pain for me. It seems like every time I start to feel good about myself, someone comes along to tear it all apart. I had just told another friend of mine, less than 15 minutes prior to being dumped, that I finally realized that I'm a good person. I was actually in a pretty good mood today. Now it's all crushed and I feel like a bad person again.
I'll get over it eventually. But, for now, I just feel like crying.
p.s.
If you read all of that, you get a gold sticker. Two if you understand any of it.
Ok, so I met this guy on a forum a while back and we started talking. He expressed interest in me as "more than a friend", but I had just met him so I said I couldn't really respond properly to what he said. But I also told him I'd really like to get to know him more. So we're talking more for a while on IM's and texts and I start to think he's a pretty nice guy and why not try to make things work with him? But I guess our wires got crossed, because he thought I wasn't interested in being more than friends at all and one day started asking me how he could find other women to date or whatever. I felt crushed, told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore, and pretty much hated him from then on.
Fast forward a few months later. I contact him again because I see him on the forum and he's having problems and I want offer some advice. My hate had pretty much worn off by then and I felt sorry for him and wanted to help out. Just be his friend again. We talk for a couple of weeks and he expresses interest in me again. Again, I don't really have an answer. This time it's because I don't think we're really compatible and I don't have any feelings for him in that way. I talk some friends about it and they pretty much tell me to give it a try.
I think things over for a day, come back, and try to discuss it with him. We're both sadly lonely and desperate people and the fact that I don't feel anything towards him just made me feel like we'd just bother be settling. I wanted to know how he felt about everything. I expected to be reassured in some way that I should give it a chance, but instead all I got was a lot of self-hate speech which really put me off. I finally decided that it just wouldn't be fair to him because, apparently, he had feelings for me and I didn't have them for him. He says more self-hate pity party crap, then says he still wants me to be his friend. I agree.
But then things took a turn for the worse as he started saying I was like every other women he tried to date. This pissed me off and hurt my feelings because while we had been talking those couple of weeks, he said all the other women he knew played mind games on him. He would express interest, they would reject him, then get mad when he moved on and started looking for someone else. I'm hurt because that's not what I was doing! Hell, I was telling him to move on! So he tries to say that's what happened the first time around! I had to explain everything of what happened and how we just completely misunderstood each others feelings the first time.
Still, this wasn't enough. He still kept saying I was like everyone else. I told him to quit saying it because it was hurtful. He said he didn't understand why it was hurtful. I explained it again. No dice. So I said "It doesn't matter why it's hurtful, just quit doing it" and he says "It does matter why". So I got pissed and the arguing continued. Finally we decided to just quit talking. But he did make a point of saying he still wanted to be my friend anyway.
I thought about saying "Hell no. Go away." but, after sleeping on it, I decided that I didn't want to abandon him. I already rejected his proposal, I didn't want to kick him to the curb friendship-wise too. So, today, I contact him and say we can still be friends. But I offer the advice that maybe he shouldn't lump everyone he meets into a box and don't assume everyone is going to treat him the same as people from his past. Give people a chance and don't close up because he could shut himself off from a chance to really be happy.
He didn't like that advice and said we shouldn't be friends. The lame ass reason was that he didn't want to argue with me. So I said that we weren't arguing, I was just offering some advice. He could ignore it and not listen to it, I don't care! And if he didn't want to be my friend anymore, he didn't have to make up a reason why. So he just flatly said "I don't want to be friends" and I'm like wtf.. "why?" And the next reason is because he doesn't want to argue with me in the future either. I try to explain that friends argue, that's part of any relationship, but it's not like people stay mad at each other forever. He says "we're starting to argue now" and I say "we are?" and he says "I'm done with this" and logs offline. I'm dumbfounded.
I go out of my way to still be his friend, and he dumps me because he doesn't agree with what I'm saying. I wasn't arguing, I wasn't angry or upset. I was just talking! I won't lie.. it hurts. It hurts a lot. I didn't do anything wrong, yet I still got kicked to the curb. I'd understand if he said this after I rejected his "more than friends" offer, but no.. he kept insisting we should still be friends and go back to the way things were two days ago. "I don't want to lose your friendship" was his words. Part of me thinks he only said it so I'd agree to be his friend, so he could dump me as revenge. I hope he got a nice big ego boost out of it because he sure destroyed mine.
I need to quit caring so much about other people's feelings. I should have gotten out while the getting was good instead of coming back and trying to be there for him. All it caused was pain for me. It seems like every time I start to feel good about myself, someone comes along to tear it all apart. I had just told another friend of mine, less than 15 minutes prior to being dumped, that I finally realized that I'm a good person. I was actually in a pretty good mood today. Now it's all crushed and I feel like a bad person again.
I'll get over it eventually. But, for now, I just feel like crying.
p.s.
If you read all of that, you get a gold sticker. Two if you understand any of it.