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Sunday
Guest
"The only way to have a friend is to be one," said Ralph Waldo Emerson. Perhaps one should turn outward inside of inward to meet and reach people. It all begins with you. Any responses?
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Blue Sky
Well-known member
Hi SundaySunday said:
Oh yes your right, but I am quite a shy type of person and have always found it hard to meet new people and make friendships. I have tried in the past to be outgoing and make the first move to start a friendship but when I do this, I don't feel like myself and I don't feel genuine, if that makes any sense.
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NewBirth
Guest
what? Lmao i swear ive read that like 18 times & i just cant understand it
im just not getting the outward inside of inward thing at all
im just not getting the outward inside of inward thing at all
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diamond-dancer
Guest
Sunday said:
I'd agree with that to an extent. A friendship has to work both ways. Just like any relationship it has to be nurtured and maintained. If you aren't willing to put in the effort to do that, why should the other person? I find some friendships come easier to me than others, even though I might care about the people just the same.
It's true that your attitude and actions will influence how the people around you perceive you. Someone who makes you feel welcome and shows genuine interest in you is always going to be more approachable and easier to talk to, and easier to perhaps build a friendship with. People are attracted to confidence, it's a matter of fact.
So yes, one should open themselves up to the possibility of friendship and be willing to contribute a part of themselves to the process.
T
teach
Guest
Hi Sunday,
I think that, even if we are shy or not used to being the lead in for creating friendships, that this quote says if someone reaches out to us in friendship, we should embrace it, rather than turn away. Sure, we can take the lead and be the one reaching out, but so often we don't even notice someone doing that to us, especially if we are socially awkward. In addition, once you have a friend, you have to work on keeping them, by being a friend to them as well, and not a fair-weather friend.
I think that, even if we are shy or not used to being the lead in for creating friendships, that this quote says if someone reaches out to us in friendship, we should embrace it, rather than turn away. Sure, we can take the lead and be the one reaching out, but so often we don't even notice someone doing that to us, especially if we are socially awkward. In addition, once you have a friend, you have to work on keeping them, by being a friend to them as well, and not a fair-weather friend.
Sunday said:
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lonelygirl
Guest
GREAT quote there! Yes, the main problem is that so many people have such low self-esteem that they don't really feel worthy of being loved and accepted JUST AS THEY ARE. We keep thinking if we do better, look better, say the right things, then magically THEN we will be surrounded by a bunch of rich, cool, good looking friends. That is nonsense. You can have poor, ugly, dorky friends too! Humans need each other! No man is an island! Just reach out to someone that does not intimidate you and you will probably make a new friend!
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SadRabbit
Guest
Hummm, actually lonely girl, I for one don't mind ugly, dorky friends....(I am all of the 3 myself), but it is the others that mind. It is like a social stigma...you mix with a bunch of dorky guys and wham, you become uncool, so if you are uncool, people will just shun you. Fortunately for me, I am not really that uncool that I have no friends at all, but yeah, I am reaching there soon.
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Sunday
Guest
SadRabbit said:
SadRabbit, you have really done some work on yourself. You are not a lost cause. Was highschool miserable? In college no one cares. Cool or uncool really doesn't apply in the way it was for us in highschool. To be a dork for me is a compliment. I tell people that I am a closet nerd and that they better be okay with it. Really love, what's really eating at you? If you are negative and "uncool" no one will want to have anything to do with you. Rather, you will scare people away. Has life sucked the life out of you? Well, suck the life out of it and get what you came for. Everyone should! Go out there and do your best without being so needy. We can do it. I tell you, there's hope even for those of you who feel you are the worst case scenario.
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NewBirth
Guest
i sure wish i went 2 that college where no one cares. they sure cared in my college. they cared a hella lot
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SadRabbit
Guest
Hummm...haha i don't know how to explain this but over here, we follow the british educational system. We have primary school (junior-high), secondary school (high school), junior college and univerisity education. Well, though i must say that i had quite some fun time in my secondary school, I was always deemed uncool by everyone from the start. I don't really feel close to anyone and neither did they wanted to get close to me, so ya....its not just because that people during that phase or aged were generally selfish....but ya....I am always hated.
S
Sunday
Guest
Well, don't feel hated. I don't hate you, so you're not always hated. You just need to change your perspective. You've lost life somewhere. You just need to find it, but you have to want to first. I have faith that you can do it.
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Bluey
Guest
Sunday said:
That is a very wise thing to have said.
Its a bit like treat other ppl how you would like to be treated.
Problem is every time I have done ether of those things I don't ever get the same back
But on the flip sighed to that I can sleep at night with a clean conchants
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NewBirth
Guest
u know. thats xactly my same prob. u just never get not not even anywhere close 2 what u give. its like here have some gold. then u get.here have some crumbz. pfffffffftbluey said:Its a bit like treat other ppl how you would like to be treated.
Problem is every time I have done ether of those things I don't ever get the same back
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RogueTomato
Guest
Has anyone ever tried offering someone some Ice Breakers gum in order to break the ice?
This seems like a fail-proof method.
This seems like a fail-proof method.
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DeathByDrowBlades
Guest
RogueTomato said:
That was kind of lame, but yeah, i've tried it before.
I'm so lame... lol
R
RogueTomato
Guest
DeathByDrowBlades said:RogueTomato said:
That was kind of lame, but yeah, i've tried it before.
I'm so lame... lol
Really? What kind of response did you get from the other person? Honestly, if someone tried it on me I wouldn't think of it as lame. It's a bit more interesting than just saying "Hi!".
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Sunday
Guest
Perhaps to make a friend, you must be one in return. Give without expecting anything back. Do just for the sake of doing. We keep wanting and wanting, but who can really give us what we want? No one really, and this is not a bad thing. We just need to live without attaching so much emotion to everything. Just love people and be there for them. Be selfless and not selfish. You can feel the difference and people will be drawn to you. But don't search and yearn, just be. There's no harm in desiring friendship, but desperation is too painful and disasterous. To make a friend, you must be one in return, but before you can be anyone's friend, you must be a yourself's friend.
