LDR (long post, sorry)

[Xaldin]

Three painful letters that dominate my relationship.
Little history on my relationships.
First relationship, I was really little, like 11, and I got my first kiss. Then I moved 1986 miles away. I cried the entire ride... I couldn't stop.
Second relationship, I was 13. She was the "easy" girl and she was the only girl on the football team. Well, I was a key receiver and a key defensive lineman (Nose tackle, odd combo huh?). Couldn't help noticing her. She asked me out to a movie and we were together a few weeks.
I had a fling with an ex-convict girl from Texas, who stabbed a girl with a pencil.
Then I fell in love with one of my friends and we never got together.
After that, another "easy" girl, a junior (she was 17, I was 15) started eyeballing me. She told me she liked me and eventually I asked her out.
Within a month she cheated on me.... I was unbearably crushed. I still stayed with her almost three more months. She wanted to take my virginity but I didn't let her and the following is why.
Near the end of that last relationship, an old friend of mine back from Ohio, where I used to live, messaged me on facebook. We got really close, really fast. I had never even looked at her weird and never thought of her as more than a friend but one day she told me that she's been in love with me ever since she met me. This was a shock to me and after some soul searching, I discovered that I was in love with her too. She was my best friend for about a year and always there for me and I had fallen for her admittedly.
Well I had to tell my girlfriend at the time and obviously she left me. Then, about two weeks later, I asked my best friend to be mine and we started our relationship. 7 months later she's still the one that makes me happiest and I'm going to see her for a few days in a month.
Still, it's really hard and I'd like someone on the outside to talk about it with when things get rocky..

 

[Intranetusa]

Props for not doing it with the sketchy easy ones.

 

[Xaldin]

Thanks. For some reason I'm attracted to them. My current gf is the only one who's not...
I don't know why.... Heh. anyway thanks for replying.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

If it is difficult quit, that is what I say. LDR, as you call it, is just another term for crutch, in my book. It says that you and/or her are not secure enough or in love enough to be together. It is just the lamest way to say you are not single.

 

[Xaldin]

If it is difficult quit, that is what I say. LDR, as you call it, is just another term for crutch, in my book. It says that you and/or her are not secure enough or in love enough to be together. It is just the lamest way to say you are not single.

Firstly: I've considered leaving but it wouldn't make me feel any less for her...
Secondly: Crutch? We're both 16, it's not like we can move any closer to each other. And I, for one, don't get all classic-teenager "oh this is always going to last" because I know it's SUPER unrealistic but I really feel very strongly for her and she's my best friend and a sweetheart and so caring and so devoted to her motives and values and I appreciate her music taste and I like the things she's into. We have similar career interests and we're a great match. Sure, I'd like it to last but I know, odds are, it won't. So don't even pull the ignorant teen card on me, I know my stuff.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Xaldin: Eh I guess teenagers are naive enough to actually be loyal. Well that or believe that one mate is actually upholding their side of the bargain.

Very well, details were a bit lacking. I still believe it is a crutch though. It is a way to keep you from socializing with females around you. You have no reason too now that you have a girl across the country. It is no different from adults who pull this crap.

My advice to you. I would make sure you guys are in the same town after high school. Years 18 to 25 in a humans life changes them a great deal. Plus if you and/or her go to college. There will be plenty more temptation. You will start to get to know girls who are right there right now. Suddenly the binary distance will become greater. It stops being a barrier and starts to become a wall. Then it becomes all to convenient to just push her back over the friend line. Or have her do the same.

At the end of the day I still say it is a crutch. Remember, as a male you get the luxury of chasing. Females do not get that luxury. All it takes is one smart guy to wreck this fragile thing you have.

 

[Anten]

post coming soon...

 

[Astral_Punisher]

@Xaldin

I would enjoy this relationship while it lasts, as you are realistic in saying that it might not.

LDR are not easy, nor fun, nor sustainable, but if you expect her to be 'local' to you rather soon, then I say, why not stick with it. Just don't let it limit your local options too much.
While I don't quite agree with AFrozenSoul's reaction that this relationship is just 'the lamest way to say you aren't single', I do agree that you are young, and many, many changes in you and your woman will occur with age.

I agree with AFrozenSoul's assessment that this LDR keeps you from socializing in a dating way with your local females. This keeps you out of practice; not a good thing. At this point in your life, you are solidifying the social skills that will carry you throughout your entire life. You want to meet many people, and learn as much as you can.

If you current relationship does not last, you may later find that this relationship's time may have been better spent dating in your local area with woman that are able to be with you physically on a regular basis.

Enjoy it while it lasts - learn what a good woman wants from a relationship (and try to improve yourself from the experience), and keep it simple.
Focus on the present; don't talk to her about 'some-days' in the future. These are seeds that may grow into weeds that you'll just end up pulling up anyways.
If she is 'special' then a future with her will simply come, without any special 'groundwork' now.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes .