TheSolitaryMan
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- Feb 25, 2011
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Hey all. Haven't posted for a while, but I always found this site helpful, so...here's a rather long story. Probably TL;DR tbh
I remember four years ago I was starting university. I was badly overweight, cripplingly shy and had surprisingly little social experience. I had few friends and had never had a girlfriend.
That first year I'd spend every lunch hour sitting completely alone because I never felt confident enough to make many friends. I didn't even order bar food because I found it hugely intimidating for some reason.
I think I must have been depressed, because I started feeling like no one other than my folks at home even cared whether I existed or not. Every day was the same pit of loneliness. I'd just sit and watch all the seemingly happy people around me and feel s***.
So I did something about it. I lost over 6 stone in weight. I worked out every day until I was a lot more muscular than I was before. I started talking to people every chance I could, and I worked hard on my degree. Casual social graces became seemingly just as natural to me as they are to most people.
Four years on, and I thought things were different. I genuinely feel like I'm a completely different human being now in many ways. The average person I talk to seems to think I'm confident and happy with my life. And I've got lots to be happy for...but at the same time, that gnawing lonely feeling just seems to be returning.
And now it's worse, because I'm "confident", I'm fit and healthy, I get on well with people - and yet I'm still just as alone as I ever was. I don't even know why.
I have maybe four close friends right now, yet they're colleagues. We go out socially every now and then, but that's it.
At the weekends I go home, and I'm alone again. I've spent the last 2 weekends sitting in pubs alone trying to meet someone, because I know no-one in my area. It feels pathetic to just want someone to say hi to me, and of course as they're strangers, no one ever does.
I've figured for ages that having a girlfriend would maybe be that next step I need to mature more and open up a bit. Four years on, and I can't get a date to save my life.
I can't work out if it's because I'm somehow unattractive, creepy or just really ****ing unlucky. I've never had a girl turn me down for a date, just literally every time something awful happens that stops us ever going out together. Stuff like serious illness, bereavement, permanent relocation etc. for about 7 different girls now...
Anyway, sorry guys, this is probably just a long late night dump-rage-post. Just kinda bottled up and tired of it.
I guess I just don't understand why I'm lonely and that eats away at me. If I had a reason it'd be okay.
I remember four years ago I was starting university. I was badly overweight, cripplingly shy and had surprisingly little social experience. I had few friends and had never had a girlfriend.
That first year I'd spend every lunch hour sitting completely alone because I never felt confident enough to make many friends. I didn't even order bar food because I found it hugely intimidating for some reason.
I think I must have been depressed, because I started feeling like no one other than my folks at home even cared whether I existed or not. Every day was the same pit of loneliness. I'd just sit and watch all the seemingly happy people around me and feel s***.
So I did something about it. I lost over 6 stone in weight. I worked out every day until I was a lot more muscular than I was before. I started talking to people every chance I could, and I worked hard on my degree. Casual social graces became seemingly just as natural to me as they are to most people.
Four years on, and I thought things were different. I genuinely feel like I'm a completely different human being now in many ways. The average person I talk to seems to think I'm confident and happy with my life. And I've got lots to be happy for...but at the same time, that gnawing lonely feeling just seems to be returning.
And now it's worse, because I'm "confident", I'm fit and healthy, I get on well with people - and yet I'm still just as alone as I ever was. I don't even know why.
I have maybe four close friends right now, yet they're colleagues. We go out socially every now and then, but that's it.
At the weekends I go home, and I'm alone again. I've spent the last 2 weekends sitting in pubs alone trying to meet someone, because I know no-one in my area. It feels pathetic to just want someone to say hi to me, and of course as they're strangers, no one ever does.
I've figured for ages that having a girlfriend would maybe be that next step I need to mature more and open up a bit. Four years on, and I can't get a date to save my life.
I can't work out if it's because I'm somehow unattractive, creepy or just really ****ing unlucky. I've never had a girl turn me down for a date, just literally every time something awful happens that stops us ever going out together. Stuff like serious illness, bereavement, permanent relocation etc. for about 7 different girls now...
Anyway, sorry guys, this is probably just a long late night dump-rage-post. Just kinda bottled up and tired of it.
I guess I just don't understand why I'm lonely and that eats away at me. If I had a reason it'd be okay.