Loneliness driven decisions....

[lovehurtme]

Have you ever felt like you were letting a guy/girl take advantage of you, but you were powerless to stop it? Well, maybe not powerless, but unwilling. That is how I feel now. I am seeing a guy that never calls, and is at least 2 hours late to every planned evening we have. I want to get mad, but I am scared to lose him. I don't even know why. I could get another boyfriend, and this guy is not special, but he is the only guy that I am serious about now, and I do not want to be alone. Tonight, he was supposed to come over at 7-8 pm, and I was going to make dinner. Well, he told me he'll be here at 9 pm (about 5 minutes ago). I told him that I won't be here, and then he says with bass in his voice, "Just be there! I won't wait for you!" Then I said, "Why not? I'm always waiting on you, and you just expect me to wait." Then he says, "I don't have time for this. You better be there when I get there!" Then I said, "Whatever, bye!" I don't know what to do. Do you know his excuse this time for being late? He RAN OUT OF GAS! Seriously! I'm not a total moron! I just don't know what to do. I am scared of being alone, but tired of being treated badly. This guy doesn't even want to be in a committed relationship to me, but he wants me to wait around for him. Am I blowing this out of proportion? I know I'm allowing myself to be treated badly, but I've never been treated well, so I don't really know what I should expect from men. This whole situation makes me even more depressed!

 

[Unacceptance]

Sounds like the type of bullshit you don't have to put up with.

 

[lovehurtme]

^^^^Unacceptance, I have this fear that I can't do better, that I should expect to be treated badly because I am not a supermodel or something. I don't know. Even though I know I have other choices, I am always scared when I let someone go that no one else will come along.

 

[Unacceptance]

^^^^Unacceptance, I have this fear that I can't do better, that I should expect to be treated badly because I am not a supermodel or something. I don't know. Even though I know I have other choices, I am always scared when I let someone go that no one else will come along.

From the way you've described it before, you have your pick of the litter.

 

[lovehurtme]

^^^^No, I don't have my pick of the litter. I have choices. Other guys ask me out, but not a ton of guys. This week......3 guys asked me out. None of them ever want anything serious though.

 

[lovehurtme]

I'll show him. I'll be here when he gets here, but I won't dress sexy. I'll have rollers in my hair, have on sweats, and no make-up!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Sorry about that Lovehurtsme

No, i don't think so. That's not a good start at the very least
if a person is interested in you or care about you.

Yeah...being lonely or feeling along..you get into love stravation and don't make good chioces.

 

[Unacceptance]

3 guys asked you out this week? It really does sound like you have plenty of choices, and many of them may be better. do you make your intention for a serious relationship clear early on?

I'm no relationship expert, I'm actually quite the opposite, but I think it's obvious that you aren't short for suitors. No one else may be coming along, but options sure are nice to have.

 

[Brian]

The sort of comments you just attributed to this guy sound worrying to me. Does he seem like the type that could possibly decide to try and hit you in the future?

At any rate, I personally think you should see about these other guys! Are you positive they might not want something more serious along the road? From the sounds of it, a short stint with one of them would be much better than putting up with this current guy. I don't see how he'll ever really be worthwhile for you.

And yes, you can do better. If 3 (three!!) guys asked you out this week alone, I'm sure there's others who wanted to and didn't. I think if the right guy started getting to know you, he'd find out you're pretty cool and think "Hey, maybe I should pursue more than just a short relationship with this girl. Hmmmm."


And I'm not hitting on you because you're kinda far away, but if you lived around here I think I'd probably ask you to lunch to try and get to know you better. You seem pretty neat. So there's gotta be someone around you with the same line of thought.

 

[Porman]

Do you seriously want to spend your life with a man who talks to you like that? and thats now, wait till youve lived with him and see how ugly his true colours are.

 

[lovehurtme]

Sorry about that Lovehurtsme
No, i don't think so. That's not a good start at the very least
if a person is interested in you or care about you.
Yeah...being lonely or feeling along..you get into love stravation and don't make good chioces.

Thanks for understanding. It's like, I know I' making bad decisions, and I beat myself up about it, but don't change. Thank you for making me feel like less of a loser. Love starvation is an accurate term.

3 guys asked you out this week? It really does sound like you have plenty of choices, and many of them may be better. do you make your intention for a serious relationship clear early on?
I'm no relationship expert, I'm actually quite the opposite, but I think it's obvious that you aren't short for suitors. No one else may be coming along, but options sure are nice to have.

That is a positive way of looking at it. I guess I feel like if I let this guy go then I'll be even more lonely, and I'm pretty lonely now. I guess the situation could be worse. I could not have options. Thanks.

The sort of comments you just attributed to this guy sound worrying to me. Does he seem like the type that could possibly decide to try and hit you in the future?
At any rate, I personally think you should see about these other guys! Are you positive they might not want something more serious along the road? From the sounds of it, a short stint with one of them would be much better than putting up with this current guy. I don't see how he'll ever really be worthwhile for you.

And yes, you can do better. If 3 (three!!) guys asked you out this week alone, I'm sure there's others who wanted to and didn't. I think if the right guy started getting to know you, he'd find out you're pretty cool and think "Hey, maybe I should pursue more than just a short relationship with this girl. Hmmmm."


And I'm not hitting on you because you're kinda far away, but if you lived around here I think I'd probably ask you to lunch to try and get to know you better. You seem pretty neat. So there's gotta be someone around you with the same line of thought.

I wonder about that. He shows some signs of being controlling. He wants me to be home all day, and answer the phone where ever he calls. He came over around 9 pm, and had the nerve to be mad at me. It is weird. I don't know if he sees me as a trophy, but he acts like it sometimes. I was wearing shorts when he came over (it is winter over here, and there is snow on the ground). We were going to go to Blockbuster to rent a movie, and I was going to throw on sweat pants. He took my pants, blocked the closet, and said he wanted me to go out in the shorts. I don't know why, but he got some kick out of it. I am visiting my mom for the holidays, and 2 guys from high school sent me facebook messages asking to hang out. I think I'll take your advice and go out with one or both of them to see if there is any potential. Thank you for the compliment. I get so scared of being more lonely, that I don't want to take chances, but you were very reassuring.

Do you seriously want to spend your life with a man who talks to you like that? and thats now, wait till youve lived with him and see how ugly his true colours are.

I don't want to spend my life with someone like him, but I guess I hope that if I keep being nice to him, that he will be nice to me. I know that is stupid.

 

[Satyr]

I want to get mad, but I am scared to lose him. I don't even know why. I could get another boyfriend, and this guy is not special, but he is the only guy that I am serious about now, and I do not want to be alone.

Putting up with someone that doesn't appreciate you simply because you're afraid to be alone is a poor choice, IMO. I've strolled down that alley before and it wasn't a fun place to be.

Better to make yourself miserable than have another do it for you.

You seem bright and resourceful. If you can't slap some sense into him, I'm sure there's plenty of other guys in line willing to put forth a real effort.

 

[LonelyDragon]

Some signs of being controlling? Hon, he is the poster boy of controlling! That personality is probably the most likely to become violent. I know you want to change him. And that's not stupid. But the fact that he has such a controlling personality means that he's very unlikely to allow that.

I know being alone is scary. But I'm afraid of something else. What he may do to you.

 

[lovehurtme]

Putting up with someone that doesn't appreciate you simply because you're afraid to be alone is a poor choice, IMO. I've strolled down that alley before and it wasn't a fun place to be.

Better to make yourself miserable than have another do it for you.

You seem bright and resourceful. If you can't slap some sense into him, I'm sure there's plenty of other guys in line willing to put forth a real effort.

I actually agree. I know I have made some bad decisions. I will try to change it now though.

Some signs of being controlling? Hon, he is the poster boy of controlling! That personality is probably the most likely to become violent. I know you want to change him. And that's not stupid. But the fact that he has such a controlling personality means that he's very unlikely to allow that.

I know being alone is scary. But I'm afraid of something else. What he may do to you.

He wouldn't hurt me. He isn't violent. I'll start by telling him that I'm going to see other people, and hanging out with other guys this weekend. Thanks.

 

[evanescencefan91]

ya i know the thought of being alone is scary, but from what it sounds like, i think you would be better off alone. And don't feel bad, or feel that you're weak or something. There are many people that find themselves in similar situations. Actually it's deeply rooted in bio/pyschology. I was bored and was reading some of my pysche book. That back in olden days when survial was hard people had a greater chance of survial if they stuck together. So the need to be with someone and the fear of being alone is deeply rooted into our brains biology. Many people will feel the need to get back together with someone they broke it off with, even if they were physcially and mentally abused. But this is the 21st centuary, you don't need some guy to go out and get you food or fend for you. Lovehurtme you are a very strong woman and you don't need this guy, you don't need his company. You obviously don't want to be with this guy for the rest of your life, and he probably won't change. Or someday he might just walkout and leave you hanging. I think you should dump him, (though i should amdit i really don't have much experiance in relationships, and i know i don't know everything, but i do read a lot, so i'd like to think i know the general concept of everything XD )

and i say if all else fails get a cat, they're pretty good at being there for you, ( but you might want to get them declawed for some cats are crazy) but they are good company, dogs are pretty nice too.

Anyways i hope things get better for you

*hugs*

 

[Bluey]

Have you ever felt like you were letting a guy/girl take advantage of you, but you were powerless to stop it? Well, maybe not powerless, but unwilling. That is how I feel now. I am seeing a guy that never calls, and is at least 2 hours late to every planned evening we have. I want to get mad, but I am scared to lose him. I don't even know why. I could get another boyfriend, and this guy is not special, but he is the only guy that I am serious about now, and I do not want to be alone. Tonight, he was supposed to come over at 7-8 pm, and I was going to make dinner. Well, he told me he'll be here at 9 pm (about 5 minutes ago). I told him that I won't be here, and then he says with bass in his voice, "Just be there! I won't wait for you!" Then I said, "Why not? I'm always waiting on you, and you just expect me to wait." Then he says, "I don't have time for this. You better be there when I get there!" Then I said, "Whatever, bye!" I don't know what to do. Do you know his excuse this time for being late? He RAN OUT OF GAS! Seriously! I'm not a total moron! I just don't know what to do. I am scared of being alone, but tired of being treated badly. This guy doesn't even want to be in a committed relationship to me, but he wants me to wait around for him. Am I blowing this out of proportion? I know I'm allowing myself to be treated badly, but I've never been treated well, so I don't really know what I should expect from men. This whole situation makes me even more depressed!

I have not read any posts but this one. But based on this post this guy sounds bad news. I have had friends that treat me like that. In the end I tell them where to get off. And ye I have done that to a few fow ppl. It did make me moor lonely. But you know it feels better to seat here alone knowing where I stand then to be whiting on someone all the time getting stressed out.

Its hard when you know your being treated badly but yet you put up with it cos you have nothing else I know this all to well. Well I have messed ppl of that did that to me and its taken a few years but I feel finely that I am getting to be happier. Are you really going to tell us here that your worth that little that your prepared to put up with this? Your obviously an inelegant women and if your avi is anything to go by a very good looking women as well if I may say.

The thing that would worry me here with you is if he's constantly doing this where is he at? I mean what else is he doing? Not a thing I had to ask my self with friends but when its a partner it is a tad different you know. All my mates that do this sort of thing to there GF/wife are playing around behind there back. Sorry to tell you this but that's just the way it is. I would not trust this guy at all. Your BF should wont to be with you. Dump this loser and get someone that well wont to spend time with you. You deserve that.

 

[Silvernight]

Well, if he has no basic respect for you now, it will get only only worse, especially when he sees that you let him ride your neck. And not only that but he made you go out in shorts in winter? So that dork doesn't even care that you may catch a cold? Not worth bothering with him, especially that so many guys are asking you out all the time.

 

[lovehurtme]

^^^^Not so many guys. I'm not popular. But guys do ask me out. A few.....here and there.

 

[Papabear]

I'm kind of grumpy tonight so I don't really feel like giving heartfelt or warming advice.

But...

This guy sounds like a major piece of crap... ditch him.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'll show him. I'll be here when he gets here, but I won't dress sexy. I'll have rollers in my hair, have on sweats, and no make-up!

Shouldn't that be when you are sexiest the most? I mean, there's nothing like true beauty. Throwing on some T-shirt you've had for 5 years, and a pair of jeans or sweat pants, and simply twisting your hair up and still looking stunning... That's pure and raw sexiness.