Loneliness, Isolation...WHY?

[lonelygirl]

Wierd chain of questions.

Are you lonely?

Yes.

Why?

Because I have no friends.

Why not?

Because I am a social freak and misfit.

Why?

Because I have zero self-esteem and zero socialization skills.

Why?

Because I was beaten and rejected by my father, molested by grandfather.

Why?

Because they were probably abused, too.

Why?

Because there's evil in this world.

Why?

Because God made it so.

Why?

Who knows?! Life sucks and is unfair, I guess!

Can't get past this question. Anyone else?

 

[kaviii]

care to tell us your story?...rant out...il listen=)

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Kavii,

Sure, it may be a long, and self-pitying story, BUT, it's mine!

I was born into this world by two parents from VERY dysfunctional families. My mom was rejected by cold and cruel parents and her father molested her and possibly her siblings severely.

My dad's dad was a severe alcoholic and died young of alcoholism. He was beaten regularly by his evil grandmother and he was mistreated and the black sheep.

So, these two f-ed up people met and decided to start a family. GREAT!!!

I have an older brother with schizophrenia. He went into violent rages a lot as a kid and beat me up bad, smashed my favorite toys, and did other mean stuff.

My dad beat my mother in front of us kids.

My mother would often threaten suicide and leave us kids crying in the door as she zoomed off in her car.

We were poor. we lived in a rich area but we were poor, lived in a small shabby house with no front lawn, just raw dirt and rocks and it was totally the humiliation and shame of my life.

My father beat me severely and in high school broke my nose. I had to miss a lot of school due to this.

My whole life I was rejected socially. I never learned how to socialize and notice small cues of people. I never had any boundaries.

I was tormented emotionally and occasionally physically throughout all school: elementary, junior high aka HELL and high school. Even in college people were snotty to me.

I am exremely fat and people do comment about this to my face. As if I don't know.

My whole life it feels as though things have often gone wrong for me. I've made many mistakes and people have been so cruel.

I've never ONCE been the center of the crowd's attention and I've always longed to be part of the popular crowd, but I never was.

Now I'm 31 and I still have scary dreams about high school.

 

[kaviii]

I'm gonna rant with you hope you dont mind

My whole life I was rejected socially. I never learned how to socialize and notice small cues of people. I never had any boundaries.

Same iv never ever learned how to socialize, my social skills are next to none, you see i move to another country when i was 10 and kids used to make fun of me for no reason. Girls in my class were the worse, they were rich stuck up bitches but still that was the past and we were kids..

I was tormented emotionally and occasionally physically throughout all school: elementary, junior high aka HELL and high school. Even in college people were snotty to me.

I change schools every two years, i was bullied from 10-14 and when i change schools when i was 15 i redrew from people and became quiet. People told me i have no personality, it was embaressing to see my parents watch me on the computer 24/7 i'm not normal and i think they have figured out i have no friends. How embaressing...

I am exremely fat and people do comment about this to my face. As if I don't know.

On the bright side, better fat than anerexic

My whole life it feels as though things have often gone wrong for me. I've made many mistakes and people have been so cruel.

I'm only 16 i might sound stupid if i say my life has already gone wrong, although i felt like it has and i can picture my life in the future living alone in an apartment...like i dont exist

I've never ONCE been the center of the crowd's attention and I've always longed to be part of the popular crowd, but I never was.

The only time i was in the popular crown was when i day dream about it...i live in my dreams and hide from reality...

Now I'm 31 and I still have scary dreams about high school.

Must be that bad, what happen in high school?...you dont have to answer me, i dont want you to bring back memories if you dont want to[/quote]

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Kavii,

Thanks for answering. It made me feel less lonely. My high school experience is just that of a fat girl, with NO friends, lonely.

I had a few fake friends in the first year, and even a semi-boyfriend (a nutcase like me....we only kissed a few times, nothing more).

I was rejected by SO MANY people. Tormented about my weight. Unpopular with my teachers. Suffered humilation as ALWAYS picked last in gym class! (WHY do the teachers do that cruel thing of making people pick teams? A freaking popularity contest, it's so cruel!)