lonely by choice

[a loner]

hi... first time posting... i'm pretty tired, and not sure if i should register... figured, why the hell not post a message

basically, i'm lonely - very lonely, to the point where it's starting to become painful and very apparent to those around me. at the same time, i never take steps to get out of this cycle, and usually push away those who approach me. part of me is so used to being lonely that being any other way is unthinkable...

i have various social and neurological problems, which prevent forming meaningful relationships with people for the most part. a few are patient enough to deal with me, but i don't really consider it so much friendship as it is tolerance, or just plain pity. i've never had anything approaching a romantic relationship, and probably never will... maybe it could happen, but i don't believe it could possibly work.

maybe, it's my lot in life to be alone. when i was young and had to suffer through school, it was all i could think about. in a way, i have exactly what i want - i don't have to contact people often, and could easily live for the rest of my life in my parents' basement. i don't care enough to change it.

at any rate, it's pretty bloody pathetic, and i don't want or need sympathy or pity. i would just like, for one moment, to be happy with someone instead of using them or being used.

 

[Bluey]

Welcome here You should register ye..


I do think that when you make friends you risk them letting you down and hurting you. But whats the other option? To stay as you are.


I don't think its anyone's lot to live alone. ppl need there space yes but I don't think any one is made to live a life alone and to be happy with that. Whether you get friends or a lover. You do need some ppl to get fro life with.

Why do you think you well never have a romantic relationship? You never know.

 

[samba101]

You sound like my mum, she's happy being by herself (ie not surrounding herself with friends) I don't know how she made it this far she's 55. I didn't have an option I just turned out this way.

 

[loketron]

when me and my GF seperated, i didnt see anyone for at least a month, stuck in my own pity. then one by one all my crew started hearing what happened and pulled me out. without them i honestly feel i might have never gotten better

 

[Leef `c]

I'm the same way. I do nothing but hermit myself in my room. I have friends, yes, but I never want to do anything with them. I'm pretty sure they're pissed at me right now because I always turn down hanging out, so now they don't even bother inviting me to places anymore. I should be happy that they stopped pestering me, but I feel even more lonely.

I sit in my room all day everyday. It feels like I'm in hell the way everyday turns out to be the exact same. I mean exactly the same. I feel like I'm disappearing from my own self with every new day. I so was happy and happy with the world as a kid. Now at 21 everything just feels dark and shitty. Everything in the world is going wrong.

By the time I'm 40 I'm thinking this world will be in complete honeysuckle & utter mess. I feel like I can't handle life anymore. I'm so scared.

 

[loketron]

oh man no way! thats what you dont do! force yourself out! even if your hanging at your buddies house being emo and everyone keeps saying "dude, snap out of it" that means they care! go! your 21 go get a drink and chat it up someone
guessing you lost someone? how long ago? give it time bro i feel you, oh and by the way, GO OUTSIDE
(hope you dont think im being an ass but really, you pullin a loketron and doing it to yourself)

 

[Leef `c]

oh man no way! thats what you dont do! force yourself out! even if your hanging at your buddies house being emo and everyone keeps saying "dude, snap out of it" that means they care! go! your 21 go get a drink and chat it up someone
guessing you lost someone? how long ago? give it time bro i feel you, oh and by the way, GO OUTSIDE
(hope you dont think im being an ass but really, you pullin a loketron and doing it to yourself)

I can't go out and chat it up. My anxiety prevents that. No, I didn't lose anyone. I've always been like this & I don't think it will ever change.

 

[a loner]

I'm the same way. I do nothing but hermit myself in my room. I have friends, yes, but I never want to do anything with them. I'm pretty sure they're pissed at me right now because I always turn down hanging out, so now they don't even bother inviting me to places anymore. I should be happy that they stopped pestering me, but I feel even more lonely.

I sit in my room all day everyday. It feels like I'm in hell the way everyday turns out to be the exact same. I mean exactly the same. I feel like I'm disappearing from my own self with every new day. I so was happy and happy with the world as a kid. Now at 21 everything just feels dark and shitty. Everything in the world is going wrong.

By the time I'm 40 I'm thinking this world will be in complete honeysuckle & utter mess. I feel like I can't handle life anymore. I'm so scared.

I'm sorry... I don't mean to encourage people to be lonely. It's not an ideal life.

It starts to really hurt when one gets older... I'm already feeling out of place, and out of time. I can't imagine what this will be like when I'm 30, or 40. It would be different, perhaps, if I were truly alone, instead of stuck in a disgraceful living position - but even if that were rectified, I still can't make up for the huge deficits I face now.

It's not exactly a choice, but between the alternatives of being alone, and being social in a world that doesn't want me, I'll pick the former. I've tried the latter, and it doesn't work - even if I'm hanging with my "friends" (family, mostly) being emo, I'm still lonely - plus, I've done nothing but burden them with my problems, which in the grand scheme of things are not important.

re: romantic relationships - I've tried to rectify this recently, but the more I think about it actually happening... the more I realize that it's not going to work. I've never loved anyone... liked someone, even to the point where I hoped it could work, but never anything serious. The thought of having children is too terrifying to even consider as a realistic possibility; plus, few women want to have children with someone like me, and for good reasons. If that is the case, then why form a sexual relationship, except for physical gratification?
It's not totally impossible - I'm not too bad looking, and if I could land a half-decent job and at least treat the woman respectfully it could work. It's not something I care enough about, and I'd be every bit as happy without it - in fact, when sex isn't involved in my life or thinking at all, I'm happier, more productive, able to think more clearly, and generally better off.

 

[AllAreLost]

one should never feel out of place, if you feel like that now then you need to change your situation, if being alone feels comfortable then thats where you belong, change for your sake, instead of being guilted into changing which pretty much happens when you post like this, it means subconsciously you want to change, and you need a slight push in the right direction

 

[Sarahlone]

You sound like my mum, she's happy being by herself (ie not surrounding herself with friends) I don't know how she made it this far she's 55. I didn't have an option I just turned out this way.

He or she doesn't sound very happy about being alone. What I find interesting is that many of the statements in that thread, I have actually thought myself.

 

[jamiee]

cheer up....
in the long run, i'm sure you don't want to be lonely... so you'll just have to put yourself through alot of pain trying to make friends. You've got to find your own footsteps before finding friends who don't feel like they "pity" you or you're "using" them...
thats jumping into the deep end of the pool.

Just take your time making your way out, especially out from your parents basement lol.

You're only 21... I know what it's like to sit in the same room every day, NEVER going out... I get stuck on the computer, and I couldn't make any friends of the people I was with at university. In the end I dropped out, things just spiraled down out of my control.
I only started feeling a little better when I got kicked out of my dormitories and had to live with a roomie it sucks when the people you know aren't really true friends, but i guess that is the most important stepping stone in your life.

hope that rambling made some sense, good luck

 

[packyourbags]

Hey loner,

what can i tell you.... what would you like to see in a person, that would make you want to be in a friendly relationship with them?
because you say that you either use or are being used, and well - of course, that's no way of forming healthy relationships with folks.

as to romantic stuff and sex - i can totally understand... i am a total cold fish in these, as well, and have no problem at all to just live without, (to the great unhappiness of my former b/f-nds and my love, lol)... some people just are, it's totally normal, and has nothing to do with the fact that you should have friends, even if not romantic relationships.

 

[the alias men]

hi... i'm the original poster. weird that i came here just when this thread was revived. (actually, i've been checking this place infrequently - usually during downers...)

nothing has changed much since then. i'm getting over the "i need a woman" phase... the thing that gets me off the right course are nights like this when i think of how little there is to do in my life.

i'm also trying out a plan to wean myself off of some of my bad habits. the first of these that has to go is masturbation. i truly feel that has brought alot of problems on myself, and led me to other destructive patterns of addiction. i'm currently on day 1... if i can keep it up for a month, i'm thinking (hoping) the natural cycle of purging will replace the damage i've been doing by wanking 2-3 times a day minimum for the past 8 years (I'm 25, fwiw...)

i've probably got the forum lol'ing at me over this statement, but... i've been thinking about this for a loooooong time, and now is a good time to go through with it.

 

[Bluey]

Firstly welcome back and am glad to see you registered

The threads a good thread that's why it keeps popping up now and again

I don't understand why you think masturbating is affecting your life. 2 or 3 times a day I would say is a bit excessive but HAY everyone is different you know. If its not stopping you from getting out and sociolizing I don't see what the harm is. Its natural to do that and specially when your single. And even when your not single. Some might have a laugh reading this but it is actually a serious subject if its something that's a concern to you.

I think you well find it pretty hard to stop all together. Pun not intended lol. But if you think you have a problem why don't you just do it once a day. Say be for bed. I think if nothing else it might relax you moor to be able to sleep better.