K
kystron
Guest
Earlier in the year my boyfriend at the time, shared something with me he posted on here. And now here I am, because I have no other place to turn to, no place to write or anyone to share my feelings with.
For a year I was in a long distance relationship with an amazing guy from the UK. I can't begin to explain the connection we had, as though we had known each other all our lives. Even though there was a considerable amount of distance between us (5,000 miles) we had for the most part, an amazing LDR. I don't think we ever rushed things, we were very much in love and hopeful of being together for good one day. I saw myself marrying him, I had visions of one day having a family. I wanted things with him that I never wanted with another person. If there was ever any truth to the term 'soul mate', he was mine.
We had our fair share of problems, and mine was the distance and his inability to come see me. He wanted stability, to feel secure in our relationship. Every time I tried to go visit him, he'd push back and tell me he needed time, or had concerns, wasn't ready, wanted to come see me first, etc. With every 'no don't come here', and every time things got pushed back, my confidence started to fade. The doubts I had, and people put in my mind grew bigger. He was suppose to come in June, then it got pushed back until September, then it would be before the end of 2014, then it was going to be January 2015. Just never ending. While he needed stability (because I had broken up with him numerous times out of fear), I needed him to come visit me so I knew he was serious, that I wasn't being dragged on like I had in a previous LDR that turned out to be nothing more than sick game.
Call me crazy, but I built up the courage to finally say enough. I knew I loved him and wanted to be with him. I booked a flight and a hotel this morning, I'd be in the UK by early next week. But upon sharing what should have been exciting news, I was met with resistance. He wasn't ready, he couldn't do it, wasn't ready to make it real, needed more time. Imagine my panic as I realize....I just booked it all. I asked him if he'd be at the airport, and he told me no. With tears streaming down my face and anxiety killing me, he told me he wouldn't be there, and he wouldn't spend time with me when I arrived. Luckily, I managed to cancel my flight in time so I should be getting that money back. But I am now out $1,219 for a hotel through priceline. Although he promises to pay me back next week, I'm not counting on it. I feel absolutely ill. Over losing my best friend and love of my life, who I thought was so genuine, so real, who truly loved me. And ill over the thought that I could be so easily discarded, that he didn't want me, or time with me, and that I lost SO much money! Not to mention, time off from work. A LOT of unpaid time off from work. And here I am, alone and trying my best to hold it together and figure out how to pick up the shattered pieces of my heart, and life.
For a year I was in a long distance relationship with an amazing guy from the UK. I can't begin to explain the connection we had, as though we had known each other all our lives. Even though there was a considerable amount of distance between us (5,000 miles) we had for the most part, an amazing LDR. I don't think we ever rushed things, we were very much in love and hopeful of being together for good one day. I saw myself marrying him, I had visions of one day having a family. I wanted things with him that I never wanted with another person. If there was ever any truth to the term 'soul mate', he was mine.
We had our fair share of problems, and mine was the distance and his inability to come see me. He wanted stability, to feel secure in our relationship. Every time I tried to go visit him, he'd push back and tell me he needed time, or had concerns, wasn't ready, wanted to come see me first, etc. With every 'no don't come here', and every time things got pushed back, my confidence started to fade. The doubts I had, and people put in my mind grew bigger. He was suppose to come in June, then it got pushed back until September, then it would be before the end of 2014, then it was going to be January 2015. Just never ending. While he needed stability (because I had broken up with him numerous times out of fear), I needed him to come visit me so I knew he was serious, that I wasn't being dragged on like I had in a previous LDR that turned out to be nothing more than sick game.
Call me crazy, but I built up the courage to finally say enough. I knew I loved him and wanted to be with him. I booked a flight and a hotel this morning, I'd be in the UK by early next week. But upon sharing what should have been exciting news, I was met with resistance. He wasn't ready, he couldn't do it, wasn't ready to make it real, needed more time. Imagine my panic as I realize....I just booked it all. I asked him if he'd be at the airport, and he told me no. With tears streaming down my face and anxiety killing me, he told me he wouldn't be there, and he wouldn't spend time with me when I arrived. Luckily, I managed to cancel my flight in time so I should be getting that money back. But I am now out $1,219 for a hotel through priceline. Although he promises to pay me back next week, I'm not counting on it. I feel absolutely ill. Over losing my best friend and love of my life, who I thought was so genuine, so real, who truly loved me. And ill over the thought that I could be so easily discarded, that he didn't want me, or time with me, and that I lost SO much money! Not to mention, time off from work. A LOT of unpaid time off from work. And here I am, alone and trying my best to hold it together and figure out how to pick up the shattered pieces of my heart, and life.