LUNA! I just want to say how much I appreciate this post. How meaningful it is to me and others. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, how you feel, and expressing it so clearly. THANK YOU.!!!
In answer to your questions, YES, I DO RELATE! You sound like a pleasant person. I believe you totally that you are experienced as funny, positive, etc. I believe you because that is the way I feel.
I am told I am attractive (some say beautiful), positive, loving, funny, interesting, charming, etc. I love animals, too. I am conscientious, love and appreciation art/beauty, etc....many of the things you mentioned and yet, I, too am, often enough, met up with people who no matter how NICE I am, they just don't like me and can't bring themselves to be kind to me. I am in my 40's by the way.
It really hurts. I really don't understand why I can't garner more affection from others, even as I give it to them. I don't understand them because even if I am not crazy about someone (like many in my social circle), I'll be nice and loving, greet them positively, etc. I would never be rude because that is not who I want to be.
But they can't seem to come halfway for me. I don't know why really. I can guess (differences in values, the way we see the world, etc) but still, I am so much more tolerant and open. I don't have to agree with someone on everything to enjoy/appreciate them but they can't do the same for me.
I also understand the pain of meeting someone who is like you yet you see them be so much more popular/loved/liked and you can't understand why.
I don't know the answer. You seem very OK to me. More than OK. YOu come across to me as intelligent and insightful. I didn't detect anything "off" when I read your post. Nothing. You sound like someone I'd like to meet. So I don't know why.
The only thing I can think of is karma. Now I am not saying this is your problem but I remember reading somewhere that often events of our lives can be explained by this. But if this is it, is not the end of the world! Karma is not fixed! You can live thru it/transcend it and begin a new. You are doing all you need to be doing just that...not hating/forgiving/being introspective/working on yourself when needed to perhaps create seeds for a better future for yourself.
You mentioned that you came to the conclusion that the people who rejected you were actually OK people. If I were you, I'd re think that. That boy who used you....I am sorry....no matter how sensitive he shows himself to the world and his gf, what he did was not nice. A nice person does not use a person like that. Also, really look at the others if they are nice as well.
In my case, a lot of the who have rejected me were, in truth, bitchy, rude, totally charmless, opinionated, cold, fake, not so intelligent, intolerant, and just not really nice. I am not just saying this to make myself feel beter (but it does actually) but because it's true. A lot of the women who have been rude/disrespectful/non valuing of me, have had these qualities, qualities I do not have, and have had glaring deficiencies.
Not to say all of them, no, of course not but many. I remember one woman who rejected me. It hurt. I would still be her friend however, I did realize she wasn't very warm, or nice, or loving at all...and that was the truth. I can say the same for many of them out there.
Not to say I go around disparaging them. I do not. I just recognize them for who they are, especially if they are not so nice than I am.
Lastly, as far as judging people when you see them. I always get a "feeling" about someone when I meet them. Always. I am betting you all do, too but don't realize it. It is true, that while I do not look for things I dislike in someone, sometimes I really do not like a person even before not talking to them. That is because we are constantly giving off a vibration of who we are and others pick it up. I do agree, though, to not be rude, to give a person a chance before final decision...but I get intuitions all the time.
I had a handyman...who later ended up stealing from me and being a con man. Many people "sensed" something about him that wasn't honest, wasn't right and they were right. Later, when I realized who he was, I did feel that negative energy he gave off. The only reason I didn't feel it before is because I wasn't used to such darkness and he covered it up with his charm. But, believe me, it's there. We are always giving off "vibes".
By the way, Luna, I didn't get any negative impressions from you at all. None.
Thank you for posting your feelings. I know you feel bad about your relationships but I am glad of your presence on this board. You have helped me feel better today. You are making a difference.
