Middle School Memory on my Mind

[Shloves89]

I’m not sure why this particular memory keeps popping up in my head as of recently. But I thought I would share it on an anonymous platform, and maybe receive some positivity from sharing.

I am 26 now— this particular event occurred when I was 12 years old in the 7th grade. Picture day, to be exact. I wore my hair down and straight, wearing my best star-print shirt with a matching star necklace. I felt cute and ready to take my best yearbook picture yet— this feeling of confidence was a rarity for me as a pre-teen, because even as a child, I was deeply insecure with how I looked.

Standing in line with a group of friends, I looked into the small mirror, and I remember looking back with a gentle smile. When it was my turn, the photographer— a middle-aged woman with shorter blonde hair, immediately began to try to fix my hair and position I was sitting in. She did not greet me like she did my friends, and the other kids. All of a sudden, she started fixing me in sort of a frustrated, borderline-aggressive manner. This was followed by her huffing, and saying in this same manner, “you’re supposed to look PRETTY on picture day”— implying that I did not look nice enough to get my picture taken.

After the pictures were taken, I felt confused, albeit a bit sad. I rushed to the bathroom, asking myself questions. Did I have something in my hair? Food in my teeth? A few pimples? What could have possessed her to say that? I looked carefully in the bathroom mirror. Not a hair out of place. My brace-laden teeth were free of food. I’ve always had good skin. My following thought was… maybe me trying my best to look good… just wasn’t good enough.

Now, at my age, I can make other conclusions as to why this photographer acted the way she did— other than “she didn’t think I looked pretty.” But, back then, as a very insecure and sensitive pre-teen, this comment from a woman old enough to be my mom cut deeply, and just added on to my lack of self-esteem. In this particular photo, because of what happened, you can tell my smile was not genuine. I’m not quite sure why this memory is so prominent in my head. But I can tell you this— I’ve come a long way since then. I’m confident, I accept compliments very easily… and my smiles are 100% genuine. Thank you for reading.

 

[Minus]

That reminds me of a picture day in grade school. After enough of the photographers behavior, I decided 'the hell with it' and walked off refusing to have my picture taken.

I am sorry that you had to go through that.

 

[Ima Lone]

My school picture, when I was in 9th grade, middle school then, was a huge embarrassment that still haunts me several decades later! I could feel something wasn’t quite right with my smile but instead of allowing me a second to adjust it, the damage was done and my f-ed up smile made it to the yearbook and is still out there for the world to see. I didn’t get it re-taken because to do so would have meant a parent had to request it and they didn’t care all that much about me and my embarrassment. All these years later, I’m still bothered by that middle school memory. I was mortified at the time but since it didn’t kill me, maybe it made me just a little bit stronger.

 

[Unsigned]

I’m not sure why this particular memory keeps popping up in my head as of recently. But I thought I would share it on an anonymous platform, and maybe receive some positivity from sharing.

I am 26 now— this particular event occurred when I was 12 years old in the 7th grade. Picture day, to be exact. I wore my hair down and straight, wearing my best star-print shirt with a matching star necklace. I felt cute and ready to take my best yearbook picture yet— this feeling of confidence was a rarity for me as a pre-teen, because even as a child, I was deeply insecure with how I looked.

Standing in line with a group of friends, I looked into the small mirror, and I remember looking back with a gentle smile. When it was my turn, the photographer— a middle-aged woman with shorter blonde hair, immediately began to try to fix my hair and position I was sitting in. She did not greet me like she did my friends, and the other kids. All of a sudden, she started fixing me in sort of a frustrated, borderline-aggressive manner. This was followed by her huffing, and saying in this same manner, “you’re supposed to look PRETTY on picture day”— implying that I did not look nice enough to get my picture taken.

After the pictures were taken, I felt confused, albeit a bit sad. I rushed to the bathroom, asking myself questions. Did I have something in my hair? Food in my teeth? A few pimples? What could have possessed her to say that? I looked carefully in the bathroom mirror. Not a hair out of place. My brace-laden teeth were free of food. I’ve always had good skin. My following thought was… maybe me trying my best to look good… just wasn’t good enough.

Now, at my age, I can make other conclusions as to why this photographer acted the way she did— other than “she didn’t think I looked pretty.” But, back then, as a very insecure and sensitive pre-teen, this comment from a woman old enough to be my mom cut deeply, and just added on to my lack of self-esteem. In this particular photo, because of what happened, you can tell my smile was not genuine. I’m not quite sure why this memory is so prominent in my head. But I can tell you this— I’ve come a long way since then. I’m confident, I accept compliments very easily… and my smiles are 100% genuine. Thank you for reading.

Maybe you did look pretty and she was being nasty to you on purpose.
Were you perhaps a bit more well off then the other kids, wearing nicer clothes & shoes & stuff?
Perhaps she was just a bitter, lower class hag who was jealous.

I remember an incident when I was maybe 10 or so with a waitress making an off remark to me in a restaurant.
My family was having dinner at a local place (a cheaper steakhouse, they were common in the 70s) and I had the insolence to order filet mignon. She made a comment that kids should not be ordering that. And then when she brought it she said something again. At the time I was very taken aback that she said those things to me. But was pure jealousy on her part. And this was in a cheap, cut rate steak house, so not even that expensive.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I’m not sure why this particular memory keeps popping up in my head as of recently. But I thought I would share it on an anonymous platform, and maybe receive some positivity from sharing.

I am 26 now— this particular event occurred when I was 12 years old in the 7th grade. Picture day, to be exact. I wore my hair down and straight, wearing my best star-print shirt with a matching star necklace. I felt cute and ready to take my best yearbook picture yet— this feeling of confidence was a rarity for me as a pre-teen, because even as a child, I was deeply insecure with how I looked.

Standing in line with a group of friends, I looked into the small mirror, and I remember looking back with a gentle smile. When it was my turn, the photographer— a middle-aged woman with shorter blonde hair, immediately began to try to fix my hair and position I was sitting in. She did not greet me like she did my friends, and the other kids. All of a sudden, she started fixing me in sort of a frustrated, borderline-aggressive manner. This was followed by her huffing, and saying in this same manner, “you’re supposed to look PRETTY on picture day”— implying that I did not look nice enough to get my picture taken.

After the pictures were taken, I felt confused, albeit a bit sad. I rushed to the bathroom, asking myself questions. Did I have something in my hair? Food in my teeth? A few pimples? What could have possessed her to say that? I looked carefully in the bathroom mirror. Not a hair out of place. My brace-laden teeth were free of food. I’ve always had good skin. My following thought was… maybe me trying my best to look good… just wasn’t good enough.

Now, at my age, I can make other conclusions as to why this photographer acted the way she did— other than “she didn’t think I looked pretty.” But, back then, as a very insecure and sensitive pre-teen, this comment from a woman old enough to be my mom cut deeply, and just added on to my lack of self-esteem. In this particular photo, because of what happened, you can tell my smile was not genuine. I’m not quite sure why this memory is so prominent in my head. But I can tell you this— I’ve come a long way since then. I’m confident, I accept compliments very easily… and my smiles are 100% genuine. Thank you for reading.

It could just have been that there was nothing wrong with you or your style at all - she had a very narrow view of what "pretty" looked like.

Either way, it was an insensitive, unnecessary comment on her part and she shouldn't have said that. Honestly I don't know why she would care...she should have just taken the picture, and allow you to portray yourself the way you want to. It's your picture, not hers. The only person whose opinion should matter about it, is yours.

I hope it doesn't still bother you though. Her comment wasn't an objective fact, it was just one person's opinion. It's good you've come a long way since then though, congrats on that

For what it's worth I haven't thought about picture day in a long time. I guess, I never really tried that hard, put that much thought into it, because I thought I was ugly so it didn't matter what I did anyway. I was also afraid to express myself in general, out of fear of being teased and not wanting to bring more problems down on myself. I didn't have relatable interests or personality, and I didn't really know myself or what I even wanted to express anyway - I'm still working on that. And I had a hard time smiling on command - I can smile when someone says something funny, or when I'm genuinely happy about something, but it's hard for me to just smile for smiling's sake - the muscles don't set right and I feel like I look weird.

I didn't really know what I was doing in middle school at all. I was just trying to get through the day as quickly and with the least amount of stress and trouble as possible.

But, I'd like to think I've come a long way from there too, now that I've thought about these things more. It's just another thing that if I could go back, I would do it differently, because I know better today.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Maybe you did look pretty and she was being nasty to you on purpose.
Were you perhaps a bit more well off then the other kids, wearing nicer clothes & shoes & stuff?
Perhaps she was just a bitter, lower class hag who was jealous.

I remember an incident when I was maybe 10 or so with a waitress making an off remark to me in a restaurant.
My family was having dinner at a local place (a cheaper steakhouse, they were common in the 70s) and I had the insolence to order filet mignon. She made a comment that kids should not be ordering that. And then when she brought it she said something again. At the time I was very taken aback that she said those things to me. But was pure jealousy on her part. And this was in a cheap, cut rate steak house, so not even that expensive.

Ooh....dunno about that...

It could have just been a thoughtless comment on the waitress' part. Maybe she was not used to kids ordering that, or even knowing what it is, and she thought you didn't know what it was either, or wouldn't like it cause kids can be picky eaters, and would send it back or something. Or she thought it was sarcasm or something. I think people were more vocal about thinking they knew more than others back then...this kind of person shouldn't eat this and that, live in this and that place, do this and that job, drive this and that car etc.

She shouldn't have said it, and just let you order whatever, as the customer. But still...I don't think calling her a "bitter lower class hag" makes the world better, you know?

Growing up it was the opposite for me. The kids who were a bit more well off, were both the norm, and the "bad guys". I grew up in a professional/white collar suburb but was not from that background myself, so fitting in wasn't possible for me. Still though...I can't say I believe those people were superior, because they were just boring. There wasn't much individuality, it's like they were all the same person, same attitude, same likes, no real interests in anything...etc.

Then there's Elon. More and more, I'm starting to feel like he's smart in a few ways, but dumb in everything else, and has more "dumb" in total. I could go on but this thread isn't about him, so I won't.

Not trying to lecture you - I'm just saying, people like that kind of break the narrative that money alone = superior being, you know?

 

[Unsigned]

Not trying to lecture you - I'm just saying, people like that kind of break the narrative that money alone = superior being, you know?

Totally not my point.
I never said I thought that the more well off people were superior to anyone.
I do not think that being able to afford nice clothes (or steaks) makes one superior.
Just that some middle aged people in dead end jobs may be jealous of/nasty to kids from those types of families.

Elon Musk is an interesting example.
I remember reading how he was severely beaten by bullies when in school. Much worse than I ever was.
And now...he is not even limited by earth's atomosphere.
And banged Amber Heard (and didn't get his bed cr*pped on!).
I say good for Elon!
Nice to know that one of us "picked on losers" from High School made it.

 

[Rohini]

yeah, most of my memories from grade-school were horrifying... I try to actively avoid thinking too much about it.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Totally not my point.
I never said I thought that the more well off people were superior to anyone.
I do not think that being able to afford nice clothes (or steaks) makes one superior.
Just that some middle aged people in dead end jobs may be jealous of/nasty to kids from those types of families.

Elon Musk is an interesting example.
I remember reading how he was severely beaten by bullies when in school. Much worse than I ever was.
And now...he is not even limited by earth's atomosphere.
And banged Amber Heard (and didn't get his bed cr*pped on!).
I say good for Elon!
Nice to know that one of us "picked on losers" from High School made it.

No, I understood that. And I don't think the waitress should have said what she said.
I just don't think criticizing her based on her class, helps things.
I feel like there's a lot that plays a role in what jobs we find ourselves in, and some of it is hard to help.

I wasn't in the "in crowd" either, and I'm not defending them. But Elon isn't "one of us" either.
I could go on about him and how not-great he really is, and how he's not even really a "nerd" and was never a "loser", but I don't want to derail OP's thread further.

Sorry about that.