My dad.

[CenotaphGirl]

I'm sorry for your loss Ceno. Death can be difficult to navigate. I lost my dad in 2014, a few days after his 70th birthday, a few days after xmas while my brother and I, with our families ,were visiting him and mum. My dad was not a good father and upset us all quite often. Even up to the day before he died he caused us upset. He was such a pain in the ass that I said under my breath as I walked away from some outrageous remark he made, "Why don't you just die already?" He died the next morning. My brother and I did CPR for an hour before the paramedics turned up and pronounced him dead. He had been suffering from cancer for the past 9 months or so. Didn't I feel like a heal at the time. I've forgiven myself since.

Oh wow, I'm so sorry thats awful. Please never judge yourself, relationships are up and down and you know you loved your father, you accept that he is a human and you are human. You are brave to share this, I am proud of you for forgiving yourself and allowing yourself to be open hearted

My dad dying was my biggest fear, I used to have nightmares about it, I used to stress out about having kids far too young because I always knew in my heart he wouldn't meet my children. My dad used to talk to me about his death to prepare me even though he wasn't sick, he used to tell me I cant cry forever and I have to get over it. But, ha! fat chance, I know I will cry about this till the day I finally see him again, and perhaps after that.

 

[okidoke]

@CenotaphGirl grief takes however long it takes. Let it come and go as it wishes. Just be kind to yourself.

 

[user 189843]

I lost my dad in April too, so awful, I am so sorry Ace, I hope you find some strength in knowing you are not alone in this, it is making me feel so awful lately.

Mine went on April second, I still see it as almost a bad and late April Fools joke. I really hope you can find some peace with it soon, though yeah I know how hard that can be to do. Just remember that you aren't alone in this either, and don't try to deal with it on your own either. If you have people you can really talk to be sure you let them be there for you. Trying to grieve on your own can just make it worse, believe me.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Mine went on April second, I still see it as almost a bad and late April Fools joke. I really hope you can find some peace with it soon, though yeah I know how hard that can be to do. Just remember that you aren't alone in this either, and don't try to deal with it on your own either. If you have people you can really talk to be sure you let them be there for you. Trying to grieve on your own can just make it worse, believe me.

Awh nooo thats bloody awful, honestly I am still in denial I keep thinking, how am I going to explain to everyone it was all a mistake when he walks back in the house. He died of covid so we wasn't allowed to see the body and he was buried in a plastic bag and a government issued box. He didn't deserve that, he deserved better. I only have me to deal with the Ace , no one else in my life understands how I feel, they dont know what its like. They didn't even respect his will, had a huge fight over his stuff, he left me something really special and my mother pulled rank and took it, so it's caused huge voids between everyone.

 

[user 189843]

Awh nooo thats bloody awful, honestly I am still in denial I keep thinking, how am I going to explain to everyone it was all a mistake when he walks back in the house. He died of covid so we wasn't allowed to see the body and he was buried in a plastic bag and a government issued box. He didn't deserve that, he deserved better. I only have me to deal with the Ace , no one else in my life understands how I feel, they dont know what its like. They didn't even respect his will, had a huge fight over his stuff, he left me something really special and my mother pulled rank and took it, so it's caused huge voids between everyone.

My dad was cremated. He wanted that, and his ashes to be dumped out over Niagara Falls. Yours definitely deserved better, that sounds really crappy that he had to be buried that like. I think it a way it might have been better that you didn't see the body. I refused to see mine once he was dead, I didn't want that to be my last memory of him, so maybe it was best that you didn't see too. I'm really sorry no one understands, I can relate because too often no one gets me either. I can't help but feel that if my dad had much to leave my family would have been the same. It's really awful when they seem to care more about fighting over his stuff than caring that he was gone.

I'd offer to lend an ear, though lately I'm probably not the best person to be talking to because as I said I'm doing awful lately as well. I really hope you can feel better, no one deserves to have to feel so badly.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

This is not getting any easier. I left early to sit with my dad for as long as I can. I decorated his grave with real and artificial flowers and played his fave songs. I need my dad so much it hurts, his death cuts so deep and today hurts worse than his birthday, I just want to stay safe but the pain from this is weighing so heavily on me.

I lost my dad 3 years ago today and I never got to say goodbye properly. No matter how many hours I spend at his grave nothing changes that… I feel so much guilt and debt, I feel like my daughter duties at her fathers time of death are completely unpaid, and I cant do anything about it.

 

[ringwood]

This is not getting any easier. I left early to sit with my dad for as long as I can. I decorated his grave with real and artificial flowers and played his fave songs. I need my dad so much it hurts, his death cuts so deep and today hurts worse than his birthday, I just want to stay safe but the pain from this is weighing so heavily on me.

I lost my dad 3 years ago today and I never got to say goodbye properly. No matter how many hours I spend at his grave nothing changes that… I feel so much guilt and debt, I feel like my daughter duties at her fathers time of death are completely unpaid, and I cant do anything about it.

We seem to be in a similar mindset today. I found myself reading over my dad's obituary this morning and crying my eyes out for a while. It's been almost 8 years since I lost him and it doesn't really get any easier - the ache is still there. I just wanted to reach out and give you a virtual hug - hang in there and try to keep smiling. . .
(and darn it - this website needs a 'hug' emoji so badly! I 'liked' your post, but only because I can relate)

 

[CenotaphGirl]

We seem to be in a similar mindset today. I found myself reading over my dad's obituary this morning and crying my eyes out for a while. It's been almost 8 years since I lost him and it doesn't really get any easier - the ache is still there. I just wanted to reach out and give you a virtual hug - hang in there and try to keep smiling. . .

Awh noo Im sorry, I feel both sadness and comfort that im not the only one who is feeling like this today.

I really appreciate the virtual hug

 

[user 190481]

This is not getting any easier. I left early to sit with my dad for as long as I can. I decorated his grave with real and artificial flowers and played his fave songs. I need my dad so much it hurts, his death cuts so deep and today hurts worse than his birthday, I just want to stay safe but the pain from this is weighing so heavily on me.

I lost my dad 3 years ago today and I never got to say goodbye properly. No matter how many hours I spend at his grave nothing changes that… I feel so much guilt and debt, I feel like my daughter duties at her fathers time of death are completely unpaid, and I cant do anything about it.

God Bless your Dad CenotaphGirl. ((hugs))

Maybe think your dad has been able to rest in peace knowing he had fulfilled all his fatherly duties that he was there to do for you his precious daughter, well before he passed away.

Of course it is very painful to lose a dad as I lost mine in 2011, devastating that was and I wasn't able to get to him before he passed away.

But I like to think he watches over me proudly knowing I am making the best of my life that he gave to me.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

God Bless your Dad CenotaphGirl. ((hugs))

Maybe think your dad has been able to rest in peace knowing he had fulfilled all his fatherly duties that he was there to do for you his precious daughter, well before he passed away.

Of course it is very painful to lose a dad as I lost mine in 2011, devastating that was and I wasn't able to get to him before he passed away.

But I like to think he watches over me proudly knowing I am making the best of my life that he gave to me.

So beautiful to read this, my condolences, I am sure he’s watching proud

 

[Cherubino]

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Thankies

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Ugh feels like ages ago I got dressed up to visit my dads grave…

Bringing Rob with me to the place I keep close is hardddd he’ll never understand that I have never ever went against my fathers wishes when he was alive, I only …. like a spineless coward go against them now he has passed.

I pray to the lord to help my father forgive me to know that I am sorry but this was inevitable… I always knew I would do this, and here I am, a living disappointment…

We have made plans to go and I just cant step foot there… not with Rob. Maybe I am ashamed my dad used to say “if you have to hide it, dont do it” but I love Rob I dont wanna hide…but I know my father would be disappointed in me… deeply.

May he rest

 

[Unsigned]

I haven't visited my father's grave since my mother died 6 years ago.
I used to go all the time.
But they're in the same mausoleum spot.
I guess I should go anyway.
It's not his fault.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I haven't visited my father's grave since my mother died 6 years ago.
I used to go all the time.
But they're in the same mausoleum spot.
I guess I should go anyway.
It's not his fault.

Go there if it helps its important

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Guys give my dad back please… im not strong enough … I’m lost without my dad truly lost

 

[TheSkaFish]

Guys give my dad back please… im not strong enough … I’m lost without my dad truly lost

I feel the same way about the people I miss, like I'm just going through the motions, and I wish I could go back in time. I wish I'd found myself earlier so that we could have all been happier together.

I often think that it's too bad we can't visit our lost loved ones, even for only 5 minutes at a time, to update them about our lives or say the things we didn't get a chance to, and make sure they knew they mattered to us.

Sorry you're feeling down, I can definitely relate.

 

[Walnut]

Losing a parent is a terrible thing. I don’t think we ever stop thinking about it. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Guys give my dad back please… im not strong enough … I’m lost without my dad truly lost

My step-mother writes prayers down and then folds the paper and sticks it somewhere in her bible. If you miss your pops, you can talk to him, I think. Write him a letter, or have a talk in private.

Your father lives on in you...

Not the same as flesh and blood, but, perhaps a relationship, none-the-less, that can be nurtured, even if it's different, and you miss him..

There's still a connection there; it will hurt sometimes... It's okay to just let it hurt... and othertimes there will be smiles and a source of strength.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I feel the same way about the people I miss, like I'm just going through the motions, and I wish I could go back in time. I wish I'd found myself earlier so that we could have all been happier together.

I often think that it's too bad we can't visit our lost loved ones, even for only 5 minutes at a time, to update them about our lives or say the things we didn't get a chance to, and make sure they knew they mattered to us.

Sorry you're feeling down, I can definitely relate.

I’d take 1 min call a year… anything but this, its making me feel sooo low I cant take it. Im sorry for your loss Ska, why is it so painful, have you ever wished you didnt connect like you never met someone you lost?

Losing a parent is a terrible thing. I don’t think we ever stop thinking about it. I hope you feel better soon.

Awh thanks I just keep thinking surely I cant cry about this forever

My step-mother writes prayers down and then folds the paper and sticks it somewhere in her bible. If you miss your pops, you can talk to him, I think. Write him a letter, or have a talk in private.

Your father lives on in you...

Not the same as flesh and blood, but, perhaps a relationship, none-the-less, that can be nurtured, even if it's different, and you miss him..

There's still a connection there; it will hurt sometimes... It's okay to just let it hurt... and othertimes there will be smiles and a source of strength.

I keep talking to him, constantly, I keep wondering if im disappointing him, maybe I onow I am and im not sure how to make him proud anymore