My name is Phil. I live in Maryland, although I'm a relatively recent transplant here, I'm a male college student, and I'm 23.
I seem to have a problem in that I can't seem to connect with anyone on anything more than a superficial level. This includes platonic relationships (friendships or even potential employers) or romantic relationships. Basically, I haven't made any friends since high school (those friends literally walked up to me, I didn't have to work for them at all). I've never had a girlfriend, or even had a conversation with a girl. I'm extremely nervous around girls my own age, so much so that I really can't think or even function around them, but I am a heterosexual, so this torments me. I can't even imagine myself approaching a girl and trying to talk to her about anything. I always think that either she has a boyfriend already or she'll take one look at me and reject me. Sometimes I kind of envy girls because, with their gender role, it is really easy for them to form not only platonic relationships with other girls, but they literally can sit in a bar and wait to be approached, while all the pressure is on the guy to approach the girl and try to impress her. I'm not impressive, and I'm not going to make an impression on anyone, be it a girl at a bar, an employer, or a potential friend.
On top of this, here's all the things that are wrong with me besides my social anxiety and low self-esteem:
I'm out of shape
I have a poor complexion
I'm covered in stretch marks
I'm only 6 feet tall, so not very impressive height-wise
I slouch
I never speak unless spoken to
I can never remember names, even of people I find interesting
I sweat excessively, especially when nervous
All of these defects make me feel like I can't even try, so I avoid going to bars, dances, or other social events (especially informal ones). Basically, I go to class and I go home. That's my life.
So, clearly, this leads to me feeling isolated and alone, and I don't really like that feeling. This combined with an uncertain future that I really don't have any direction in tends to make me feel depressed and anxious. I've had some group therapy for these feelings, but I don't really feel like I can trust that group because we can see each other and therefore judge each other, pick each other out in a crowd, etc. For instance, I don't tell them that I've had some suicidal feelings because I'm ashamed of these feelings and I think that the group will think that I'm just looking for attention (don't think I'll act on them because I'm also afraid of death, so maybe they'll cancel each other out?). Anyway, on this forum, since we're all basically anonymous, maybe I can be a bit more open and exorcise some of these nasty feelings that are literally rotting me from within. Sorry to be a downer, I hope nobody reads this and gets more depressed than they already are.
I seem to have a problem in that I can't seem to connect with anyone on anything more than a superficial level. This includes platonic relationships (friendships or even potential employers) or romantic relationships. Basically, I haven't made any friends since high school (those friends literally walked up to me, I didn't have to work for them at all). I've never had a girlfriend, or even had a conversation with a girl. I'm extremely nervous around girls my own age, so much so that I really can't think or even function around them, but I am a heterosexual, so this torments me. I can't even imagine myself approaching a girl and trying to talk to her about anything. I always think that either she has a boyfriend already or she'll take one look at me and reject me. Sometimes I kind of envy girls because, with their gender role, it is really easy for them to form not only platonic relationships with other girls, but they literally can sit in a bar and wait to be approached, while all the pressure is on the guy to approach the girl and try to impress her. I'm not impressive, and I'm not going to make an impression on anyone, be it a girl at a bar, an employer, or a potential friend.
On top of this, here's all the things that are wrong with me besides my social anxiety and low self-esteem:
I'm out of shape
I have a poor complexion
I'm covered in stretch marks
I'm only 6 feet tall, so not very impressive height-wise
I slouch
I never speak unless spoken to
I can never remember names, even of people I find interesting
I sweat excessively, especially when nervous
All of these defects make me feel like I can't even try, so I avoid going to bars, dances, or other social events (especially informal ones). Basically, I go to class and I go home. That's my life.
So, clearly, this leads to me feeling isolated and alone, and I don't really like that feeling. This combined with an uncertain future that I really don't have any direction in tends to make me feel depressed and anxious. I've had some group therapy for these feelings, but I don't really feel like I can trust that group because we can see each other and therefore judge each other, pick each other out in a crowd, etc. For instance, I don't tell them that I've had some suicidal feelings because I'm ashamed of these feelings and I think that the group will think that I'm just looking for attention (don't think I'll act on them because I'm also afraid of death, so maybe they'll cancel each other out?). Anyway, on this forum, since we're all basically anonymous, maybe I can be a bit more open and exorcise some of these nasty feelings that are literally rotting me from within. Sorry to be a downer, I hope nobody reads this and gets more depressed than they already are.
Welcome to the forum. You're completely free to vent, talk, and advise anyone on here. You should check out our chatroom sometime! I think this might be a good place for you to chill and maybe work on some social skills...and gain the confidence that you truly need to become master of your surroundings. ^_^
