19/male
Hi everybody, I've decided to write my life story as honestly as I can as well as I can remember. I'm going to omit some stuff for privacy on the off chance anyone I know might ever read this, but everything I write should be the truth as I perceive it. I'm not really sure why I want to post in on the internet, but it seems like a good idea right now.
So, I don't remember too much from my early childhood, but I'll try to piece together what I can remember. My #1 most cherished memory from that time was feeding popcorn to birds at the pool with my best friend. My other vivid memories are of playing with the other neighborhood kids outside. I think we played tag, hide and go seek, and make-believe games (e.g. cops and robbers) more than anything else.I remember resenting my parents for making me go to bed before the other kids.
I had one best friend, but there were a few other kids my age that we got along well with. There were three younger kids that we used to pick on and trick, but we played together because there were only about 8 of us total. I was quite the pimp at the time; I managed to see all the girls in the neighborhood naked before we moved into another neighborhood. I vaguely remember getting in trouble for this once and getting an awkward (anti-)sex talk from my parents. I think katie couric was on TV at the time.
I remember I liked watching TV and playing the NES quite a bit. My best friend always beat me at video games. I remember when we played pretend my best friend got to be the hero and I got to be the sidekick. I liked pretending to be a strong & sexy woman.
I still remember a dream I had before my first day at preschool. I was using a urinal for the first time and this curly haired kid came started making fun of me. It was either about my dick or the fact that I couldn't aim right. I seem to remember a brightly-colored step stool being involved. I don't remember anything else noteworthy until first grade, but I should note that I was sent to a christian school preschool through 12th grade. I remember hating going to church because I would miss the cartoons that were on. My dad didn't particularly like going to church either, so I got out of going pretty quickly.
Anyways, In first grade I remember two main things. First, I remember a boy I wanted to be friends with calling me a tag-along and everyone laughing at me. Second, I remember one time a bee landed on me. I remember deciding to be nice and not try to brush it off, but it stung me anyways. I was quite indignant and I think I cried. Also, I hated music class.
I don't remember having any close friends at school until about third grade when I befriended this kind of nerdy kid who was rather bossy. I remember he tricked me into saying 'fresia', but I didn't know what that meant. I thought he was really sophisticated and cool. We made a few other friends who I stayed with until middle school.
At some point in elementary school, my parents tried to get me into sports. It didn't work. I was either really horrible or I just wouldn't try at all.
My relationship with video games, however, stayed consistently good. I especially enjoyed leveling up to the maximum level in RPGs.
In middle school I remember becoming more concerned with making friends and being popular. I had managed to get pretty chubby in 5th grade or so, and that didn't help. I cried about that some. I also remember being worried about zits and I think I remember some girls making fun of me
in the hall.
I eventually managed to ingratiate myself with the "bad kids", and cut off my old friends. I tried to be funny, and I used to tell my friends private things about my relatives to make them laugh. I got pretty close with this one guy who was kind of dumb but sincere. I didn't ever manage to get a girlfriend. I remember I liked to watch saturday morning cartoons (although I'd never admit it) and pro-wrestling. I also drew anime/video game characters. I used to draw naked girls and worry that my parents would find the drawings. I looked at porn and got caught looking at porn a lot. The first thing I masturbated to was some fantasy art of witches and elves. Still the best orgasm ever.
In high school, I stayed with the same crowd 'till my sophomore year or so, but increasingly, I had less friends. My dumb but awesome friend left the school, and eventually there was just one guy who I was good friends with. He was in the same position. Junior year I managed to make more
friends, but I didn't do too much with them outside of school. There was one guy I liked a lot and who was usually pretty cool, but I remember him saying one time that most people wouldn't be inclined to accept me. I also made some friends playing video games - two guys from school and a lot of older guys from around the US. There was one guy in his late 20's I liked more than everybody else and we played together for at least 20 hours a week for about 2 years. We talked a lot and I would totally stalk him sometimes. Still no girlfriends. I also never used any drugs or alcohol, but I lied to some girls once and said I had.
Other high school stuff: I lost my weight from middle school by being borderline anorexic. I got down pretty low, but not low enough to be dangerous. I also lost my religion. I got really depressed and had suicidal thoughts for a while, and then went through a series of belief systems including atheism, satanism, some strange kind of misanthropic nationalism, back to atheism, agnosticism, spiritual but not religiousism, and probably a number of others. That was fun.
I'm in my second year of college now. I've put on some weight and am now in fairly good shape. Unfortunately, I lost contact with my high school and internet friends, and haven't been able to make any new ones. I've joined a number of clubs, mostly to make friends, but it hasn't really worked out. I tend to be friendly with them and I get the impression that they perceive me as tolerable, but I never get to the point where we're actually good friends, so I engage in a lot of solitary activities. I'm embarrassed of how often I'm alone.
Here's some stuff I didn't manage to get in up there (tl;dr?):
If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm probably not straight. I think I had a crush on all of the following guys: best friend, tag-along commenter, sophisticated kid, dumb kid, kind of mean kid, another classmate I didn't mention, a number of my professors.
I think I may have been in love with my internet friend. We exchanged (Innocent) pictures, and I used to come on to him pretending to be gay. I don't think either one of us realized that I really felt what I was saying to him. I rarely talk to him now. I'm jealous of his girlfriend.
I think I'm bisexual, but I could be wrong. I'm physically attracted to guys, and really emotionally attracted to them. I know I'm physically attracted to women, but this could just be from associating masturbating with them for so long. I've never told anyone this, and I've only started becoming comfortable with it over the last few months.
I think this might be why I don't like to open up to people.
I feel like my father never accepted me for the way I was as a kid, and even though I think he does now, I still resent him for it and I think it messed me up. Also, I resent my parents for fighting all the time when I was younger.
Despite all this stuff, I'm pretty happy on a day to day basis. I do get lonely, though, and that's why I'm posting here.
I'm aware this is a mess, so expect revisions. I'm planning on making an accurate record of my subjective experience of life my current project.
I'm planning on doing a long and short version.
To anyone who read this all: Thanks!
Note to mods: I didn't see any rules about swearing, but let me know if I need to clean this up at all.
Hi everybody, I've decided to write my life story as honestly as I can as well as I can remember. I'm going to omit some stuff for privacy on the off chance anyone I know might ever read this, but everything I write should be the truth as I perceive it. I'm not really sure why I want to post in on the internet, but it seems like a good idea right now.
So, I don't remember too much from my early childhood, but I'll try to piece together what I can remember. My #1 most cherished memory from that time was feeding popcorn to birds at the pool with my best friend. My other vivid memories are of playing with the other neighborhood kids outside. I think we played tag, hide and go seek, and make-believe games (e.g. cops and robbers) more than anything else.I remember resenting my parents for making me go to bed before the other kids.
I had one best friend, but there were a few other kids my age that we got along well with. There were three younger kids that we used to pick on and trick, but we played together because there were only about 8 of us total. I was quite the pimp at the time; I managed to see all the girls in the neighborhood naked before we moved into another neighborhood. I vaguely remember getting in trouble for this once and getting an awkward (anti-)sex talk from my parents. I think katie couric was on TV at the time.
I remember I liked watching TV and playing the NES quite a bit. My best friend always beat me at video games. I remember when we played pretend my best friend got to be the hero and I got to be the sidekick. I liked pretending to be a strong & sexy woman.
I still remember a dream I had before my first day at preschool. I was using a urinal for the first time and this curly haired kid came started making fun of me. It was either about my dick or the fact that I couldn't aim right. I seem to remember a brightly-colored step stool being involved. I don't remember anything else noteworthy until first grade, but I should note that I was sent to a christian school preschool through 12th grade. I remember hating going to church because I would miss the cartoons that were on. My dad didn't particularly like going to church either, so I got out of going pretty quickly.
Anyways, In first grade I remember two main things. First, I remember a boy I wanted to be friends with calling me a tag-along and everyone laughing at me. Second, I remember one time a bee landed on me. I remember deciding to be nice and not try to brush it off, but it stung me anyways. I was quite indignant and I think I cried. Also, I hated music class.
I don't remember having any close friends at school until about third grade when I befriended this kind of nerdy kid who was rather bossy. I remember he tricked me into saying 'fresia', but I didn't know what that meant. I thought he was really sophisticated and cool. We made a few other friends who I stayed with until middle school.
At some point in elementary school, my parents tried to get me into sports. It didn't work. I was either really horrible or I just wouldn't try at all.
My relationship with video games, however, stayed consistently good. I especially enjoyed leveling up to the maximum level in RPGs.
In middle school I remember becoming more concerned with making friends and being popular. I had managed to get pretty chubby in 5th grade or so, and that didn't help. I cried about that some. I also remember being worried about zits and I think I remember some girls making fun of me
in the hall.
I eventually managed to ingratiate myself with the "bad kids", and cut off my old friends. I tried to be funny, and I used to tell my friends private things about my relatives to make them laugh. I got pretty close with this one guy who was kind of dumb but sincere. I didn't ever manage to get a girlfriend. I remember I liked to watch saturday morning cartoons (although I'd never admit it) and pro-wrestling. I also drew anime/video game characters. I used to draw naked girls and worry that my parents would find the drawings. I looked at porn and got caught looking at porn a lot. The first thing I masturbated to was some fantasy art of witches and elves. Still the best orgasm ever.
In high school, I stayed with the same crowd 'till my sophomore year or so, but increasingly, I had less friends. My dumb but awesome friend left the school, and eventually there was just one guy who I was good friends with. He was in the same position. Junior year I managed to make more
friends, but I didn't do too much with them outside of school. There was one guy I liked a lot and who was usually pretty cool, but I remember him saying one time that most people wouldn't be inclined to accept me. I also made some friends playing video games - two guys from school and a lot of older guys from around the US. There was one guy in his late 20's I liked more than everybody else and we played together for at least 20 hours a week for about 2 years. We talked a lot and I would totally stalk him sometimes. Still no girlfriends. I also never used any drugs or alcohol, but I lied to some girls once and said I had.
Other high school stuff: I lost my weight from middle school by being borderline anorexic. I got down pretty low, but not low enough to be dangerous. I also lost my religion. I got really depressed and had suicidal thoughts for a while, and then went through a series of belief systems including atheism, satanism, some strange kind of misanthropic nationalism, back to atheism, agnosticism, spiritual but not religiousism, and probably a number of others. That was fun.
I'm in my second year of college now. I've put on some weight and am now in fairly good shape. Unfortunately, I lost contact with my high school and internet friends, and haven't been able to make any new ones. I've joined a number of clubs, mostly to make friends, but it hasn't really worked out. I tend to be friendly with them and I get the impression that they perceive me as tolerable, but I never get to the point where we're actually good friends, so I engage in a lot of solitary activities. I'm embarrassed of how often I'm alone.
Here's some stuff I didn't manage to get in up there (tl;dr?):
If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm probably not straight. I think I had a crush on all of the following guys: best friend, tag-along commenter, sophisticated kid, dumb kid, kind of mean kid, another classmate I didn't mention, a number of my professors.
I think I may have been in love with my internet friend. We exchanged (Innocent) pictures, and I used to come on to him pretending to be gay. I don't think either one of us realized that I really felt what I was saying to him. I rarely talk to him now. I'm jealous of his girlfriend.
I think I'm bisexual, but I could be wrong. I'm physically attracted to guys, and really emotionally attracted to them. I know I'm physically attracted to women, but this could just be from associating masturbating with them for so long. I've never told anyone this, and I've only started becoming comfortable with it over the last few months.
I think this might be why I don't like to open up to people.
I feel like my father never accepted me for the way I was as a kid, and even though I think he does now, I still resent him for it and I think it messed me up. Also, I resent my parents for fighting all the time when I was younger.
Despite all this stuff, I'm pretty happy on a day to day basis. I do get lonely, though, and that's why I'm posting here.
I'm aware this is a mess, so expect revisions. I'm planning on making an accurate record of my subjective experience of life my current project.
I'm planning on doing a long and short version.
To anyone who read this all: Thanks!
Note to mods: I didn't see any rules about swearing, but let me know if I need to clean this up at all.
Though likely not for the reasons you're thinking. lol, talk about honesty.
