My major personal problem thats destroying my social life. Please help.?

[Icy_fighter]

I can almost NEVER look at someones eyes without feeling like a goofball. Whenever someone is looking at my eyes and we make eye contact, all of a sudden I cant hold onto the eye contact because my eyes and face feel all distorted which forces me to break away and look somewhere else.

It’s the vulnerability that gets to me. I don’t really know how my face looks or if my face is really making an unconscious reaction to something/someone when I make eye contact. Some reactions I’m just not comfortable with sharing with strangers. I also don’t wish for anyone I make eye contact with me to feel that I am encroaching upon them or trying to be creepy. That, and I feel like sometimes I am inviting unwanted conversation when I make eye contact. I am not yet comfortable with striking up conversation with just anyone, due to total fear of my lack of speech abilities and insecurity of how my eyes and face looks.

Due to these above fears and insecurities, I’ve made this a habit with family and friends, too, even though I enjoy conversations with them. I want to learn to open up and enjoy eye contact. I want to convey confidence and warmth with my eyes. I know I have a really cool person in myself, but I never get the opportunity let my true self come out because of my stupid problem and it is really affecting my social life.

So what I really want to know, is what can I do about this? I want to make friends. What can I do to help myself make eye contact without looking like a freak so that the other person may feel comfortable and can get to know each other? Is there any techniques I can use to help myself ease into comfortable eye contact? Please help me.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'd have someone I trust help me practice looking eye-to-eye. Have someone sit down with you, and do some eye contact. The more you do it, the more you will hopefully become comfortable with it.

 

[QuietGuy]

Good suggestion VanillaCreme.

I also don't wish for anyone I make eye contact with me to feel that I am encroaching upon them or trying to be creepy. [...] What can I do to help myself make eye contact without looking like a freak so that the other person may feel comfortable and can get to know each other?

I don't think making normal eye contact with someone would ever be considered creepy or freakish, unless you were constantly staring at someone, which I'm sure you wouldn't do.

Due to these above fears and insecurities, I've made this a habit with family and friends, too, even though I enjoy conversations with them.

It's really great that you can have conversations with your family and friends, and enjoy them. I think they're the best people to help you overcome your fears. Are they aware of your problem?

Do you ever make eye contact with yourself in the mirror? I quite like doing that! It allows you to see what other people see when they make eye contact with you.

I once lacked confidence to maintain steady eye contact for more than one second or so when chatting with someone. But with steady practice, you will slowly gain a little bit of confidence each time. Now I can maintain eye contact with someone for a good 5 or 6 seconds at a time, which is probably about the normal length of time before briefly breaking the contact. Any longer than that, and the other person might begin to feel that you're staring at them.

It's the vulnerability that gets to me.

It's true that you do feel more vulnerable when you're in eye contact with someone. There's the old saying that eyes are the window to the soul, so I suppose eye contact is like a connection between people's souls. I still find it quite an intense experience when I maintain eye contact for several seconds, but for me it's a really amazing feeling too.

 

[iBreathe]

It's true that you do feel more vulnerable when you're in eye contact with someone. There's the old saying that eyes are the window to the soul, so I suppose eye contact is like a connection between people's souls. I still find it quite an intense experience when I maintain eye contact for several seconds, but for me it's a really amazing feeling too.

Ditto, but that's also what sort of makes people avoid direct eye contact, yes? Sometimes you can see a slight change in their facial expression, and the eyes and it says something different than what's actually coming out of their mouth. It gets confusing and sometimes hurtful if it's a negative change. If that makes any sense...?

 

[sadface]

I do this, and I have friends.

 

[ThinkPositive]

Try looking not directly in the other person's eyes, but slightly above...like the eyebrows or forehead. The other person will still think you're looking at them, and you can hopefully feel less awkward.

 

[NOAH_FX]

I've actually had people tell me it's wierd when i make eye contact with them because my eyes are strangly coloured (both a mix of green and blue, sometimes brown).. I know it's not really the same..But i'll still make eye contact with people, i just slightly look to the side after it's been made... Iono lol i geuss this wasn't helpful at all

 

[Pungent]

this has happened to me so many times.. whenever I talk to somebody I always look and get lost in their eyes! while im talking to them I start noticing the colours/spark in their eyes. I also sometimes feel very uncomfortable.. i get the feeling of "checking them out"--- and questioning myself "are they noticing what im doing it???"

but I still make contact with people because not doiing it would make the other person feel inferior to me(vice versa)

whoever you are, make sure when you are infront of anyone, you seem a composed person

 

[gelnn]

honeysuckle... that's me man... I can't really make eye contact with ladies... because I find it hard and rude... Cheers bro, you are not alone...

 

[jjam]

The only thing you can do is force yourself to do what you've not been doing for so long.

On different days, I had very inspirational talks with a man and woman who led me to the decision to work hard to change this about myself, despite having lived with intermittent strabismus since birth. I've been doing much better for the past week and I plan to keep it up. One thing that works for me is having a satisfying level of distance between myself and whoever I'm talking to. But you have to build confidence in other ways to supplement whatever psychological gimmicks you may create for yourself to help. You've gotta know that eye to eye contact is something people normally do. You have to eradicate your beliefs about what you think it means to other people to look them in the eyes. Just like I don't buy into the stuff about people who don't make eye contact being liars, I can't allow myself to think I'm somehow being rude in doing it.

 

[Rayri]

i'm that way too.
Especially with males.