L
Luna
Guest
It is Saturday afternoon.
The sky bright, with gentle snowflakes dancing in the air...
Here I am, with my legs outstretched on the living room couch - a pillow on my lap - confiding my innermost feelings, to a cold, uncaring product of technology.
A "laptop" is what they call it...for me, I call him my friend.
Another week has passed, and another weekend has come.
An opportunity for me to release the unwelcome energies which I have struggled to suppress during the weekday - just to function properly in the real world.
Often at work, I look forward to the weekend drawing nearer day by day. The weekends, when I am in all of my lonesome glory; I release the suppressed thoughts and emotions...and my mind becomes a battlefield.
Sometimes I wonder, if I take sick enjoyment in causing myself mental anguish, and indulging in my everlasting misery.
Either way, something said here must have caught your attention (I said "Sex" in my subject title! I tricked you into reading my incessant ramblings before getting to the real good honeysuckle! =D) to read the mental diarrhea of an ungrateful 20-something year old girl.
Shall we begin?
1. Sexual Fustration
Coming from conservative values, I find it hard to "fit" into such a sexually-driven culture. Contrary to popular "mainstream" belief, having conservative values does not translate to being: A) A prude, B) A religious-zealot and/or C) Freakishly unattractive.
I am trying to refrain myself from reading forums from dating sites as I will come over posts such as these:
"To me, a...virgin is an overgrown little girl who has delayed her psychological development so she could cling to girlhood notions. In other words, she missed the bus. Sex was supposed to happen a while ago. Shirkers get no acclaim by my lights."
"It sounds harsh, but I agree...It's naive to save yourself for a notion such as marriage, as it's nothing more than a cultural phenomenon. You're a social primate that places great emphasis on sexuality. You're only hindering your own maturity into adulthood by waiting."
"Right before you get married.
Take a test drive honey!
You might be stuck with the 30sec. man for the rest of your marriage otherwise."
The above-noted are compliments of Plentyoffreaks.com.
(Apparently over there, they all are sex gods/ goddesses over there, and are experts at maintaining all their relationships.)
Their forums also carry many other insightful topics such as "Would you leave your partner if they became sick and could not sexually please you?" with the general consensus being "Yes/ I would cheat/ My needs come first/ That is their problem, not mine etc."
I have been mind-messed one too many times, that I don't even know if I can call myself a virgin anymore.
Much of my mentality consists of:
"It's not that I don't want to fresia. It's that I don't want to fresia YOU when I don't even know you - who are you again?"
"fresia! You don't even know my last name and you expect me to fresia you???"
What sex means to every person, differs from one to another.
For myself, I desire a mental/ emotional/ spiritual connection with a person.
I believe that sex is a physical expression of that connection.
Ideally, I would like to have a relationship built on friendship and said connections before having sex.
However, much of my initial meetups with people have all resulted in failure.
Not to say that I regret not putting out on the first meetup in order to see if we are "sexually compatible"; but I dislike this "Put out or get out." mentality that many carry.
While I believe that sex is essential to a healthy relationship, I do not believe it is glue that holds a relationship together. It is just a PIECE.
When one piece is lost or damaged...you work together, to come to a solution. Of course, it is easier said than done, but relationships are work. You aren't exactly being handed out free candy when you go into a relationship. It is a commitment that you can choose to take, or not.
I understand that especially for those around my young age; many of them are going through sexual experimentation...however, with my wanting to avoid: 1) Unwanted pregnancies, 2) STDs (I want a STD test to be done...but many people refuse to take one), 3) Becoming a fresia-and-chuck...has left me frustrated, and feeling like an outcast.
As much as I would like to beat down any attractive man that falls into my viewpoint with one of my skis; drag him by his legs (After paralyzing them, of course) into a dark, dark, dark alley and have my way with him, I'm afraid my mind (and laws) prevents me from doing so.
I am not so much seeking advice on how to cope with sexual fustration, because the answer is... quite obvious.
(P.S. Pls no PMs offering to help me out on this "problem of mine"...hahaha...)
2. Attraction to both men and women...
Originally when I started my account on Plentyoffreaks.com, I listed my profile as searching for women. <.<
I have always felt more comfortable towards women...their softness, gentle appearance...(Okay, well...some women hahaha...). But I never have tried to attempt a romantic relationship with one.
I have never struggled with my sexual orientation growing up, as I have always associated myself with heterosexuality. At times, I wonder if had I not been raised with a conservative family - would I have been more open about my attraction towards women? I have never displayed any attraction to women to my family, or the public eye. It has always lurked in the back of mind, but yet, it doesn't bother me. I do not feel as if I am "being" less of myself or suppressing anything of the sort.
It's not a case of "I am attracted to women, but I am afraid of coming out" or "I am sexually confused..."
I know that I can love a person...male or female.
Should I ever be with a woman - I know it would just break my grandma's heart - but regardless, I still know that my family will still love me.
How common is this?
Do you feel that due to societal and cultural norms, that many of us have an attraction to both sexes, but act on one moreso?
Just a thought that had crossed my mind...
*cough*
As this post is quite long and your eyes are likely getting tired now, I shall save the rest of my rambling for another day!
=P
The sky bright, with gentle snowflakes dancing in the air...
Here I am, with my legs outstretched on the living room couch - a pillow on my lap - confiding my innermost feelings, to a cold, uncaring product of technology.
A "laptop" is what they call it...for me, I call him my friend.
Another week has passed, and another weekend has come.
An opportunity for me to release the unwelcome energies which I have struggled to suppress during the weekday - just to function properly in the real world.
Often at work, I look forward to the weekend drawing nearer day by day. The weekends, when I am in all of my lonesome glory; I release the suppressed thoughts and emotions...and my mind becomes a battlefield.
Sometimes I wonder, if I take sick enjoyment in causing myself mental anguish, and indulging in my everlasting misery.
Either way, something said here must have caught your attention (I said "Sex" in my subject title! I tricked you into reading my incessant ramblings before getting to the real good honeysuckle! =D) to read the mental diarrhea of an ungrateful 20-something year old girl.
Shall we begin?
1. Sexual Fustration
Coming from conservative values, I find it hard to "fit" into such a sexually-driven culture. Contrary to popular "mainstream" belief, having conservative values does not translate to being: A) A prude, B) A religious-zealot and/or C) Freakishly unattractive.
I am trying to refrain myself from reading forums from dating sites as I will come over posts such as these:
"To me, a...virgin is an overgrown little girl who has delayed her psychological development so she could cling to girlhood notions. In other words, she missed the bus. Sex was supposed to happen a while ago. Shirkers get no acclaim by my lights."
"It sounds harsh, but I agree...It's naive to save yourself for a notion such as marriage, as it's nothing more than a cultural phenomenon. You're a social primate that places great emphasis on sexuality. You're only hindering your own maturity into adulthood by waiting."
"Right before you get married.
Take a test drive honey!
You might be stuck with the 30sec. man for the rest of your marriage otherwise."
The above-noted are compliments of Plentyoffreaks.com.
(Apparently over there, they all are sex gods/ goddesses over there, and are experts at maintaining all their relationships.)
Their forums also carry many other insightful topics such as "Would you leave your partner if they became sick and could not sexually please you?" with the general consensus being "Yes/ I would cheat/ My needs come first/ That is their problem, not mine etc."
I have been mind-messed one too many times, that I don't even know if I can call myself a virgin anymore.
Much of my mentality consists of:
"It's not that I don't want to fresia. It's that I don't want to fresia YOU when I don't even know you - who are you again?"
"fresia! You don't even know my last name and you expect me to fresia you???"
What sex means to every person, differs from one to another.
For myself, I desire a mental/ emotional/ spiritual connection with a person.
I believe that sex is a physical expression of that connection.
Ideally, I would like to have a relationship built on friendship and said connections before having sex.
However, much of my initial meetups with people have all resulted in failure.
Not to say that I regret not putting out on the first meetup in order to see if we are "sexually compatible"; but I dislike this "Put out or get out." mentality that many carry.
While I believe that sex is essential to a healthy relationship, I do not believe it is glue that holds a relationship together. It is just a PIECE.
When one piece is lost or damaged...you work together, to come to a solution. Of course, it is easier said than done, but relationships are work. You aren't exactly being handed out free candy when you go into a relationship. It is a commitment that you can choose to take, or not.
I understand that especially for those around my young age; many of them are going through sexual experimentation...however, with my wanting to avoid: 1) Unwanted pregnancies, 2) STDs (I want a STD test to be done...but many people refuse to take one), 3) Becoming a fresia-and-chuck...has left me frustrated, and feeling like an outcast.
As much as I would like to beat down any attractive man that falls into my viewpoint with one of my skis; drag him by his legs (After paralyzing them, of course) into a dark, dark, dark alley and have my way with him, I'm afraid my mind (and laws) prevents me from doing so.
I am not so much seeking advice on how to cope with sexual fustration, because the answer is... quite obvious.
(P.S. Pls no PMs offering to help me out on this "problem of mine"...hahaha...)
2. Attraction to both men and women...
Originally when I started my account on Plentyoffreaks.com, I listed my profile as searching for women. <.<
I have always felt more comfortable towards women...their softness, gentle appearance...(Okay, well...some women hahaha...). But I never have tried to attempt a romantic relationship with one.
I have never struggled with my sexual orientation growing up, as I have always associated myself with heterosexuality. At times, I wonder if had I not been raised with a conservative family - would I have been more open about my attraction towards women? I have never displayed any attraction to women to my family, or the public eye. It has always lurked in the back of mind, but yet, it doesn't bother me. I do not feel as if I am "being" less of myself or suppressing anything of the sort.
It's not a case of "I am attracted to women, but I am afraid of coming out" or "I am sexually confused..."
I know that I can love a person...male or female.
Should I ever be with a woman - I know it would just break my grandma's heart - but regardless, I still know that my family will still love me.
How common is this?
Do you feel that due to societal and cultural norms, that many of us have an attraction to both sexes, but act on one moreso?
Just a thought that had crossed my mind...
*cough*
As this post is quite long and your eyes are likely getting tired now, I shall save the rest of my rambling for another day!
=P