My Only 2 Friends

[Cookie337]

I only have 2 real friends and I consider them my friends because they've been in my life for a long time. But....I'm starting to think I need to get them out of my life because......

I've known my guy best friend for about 8 years now. These last couple of years, our friendship has been falling apart because of his stupidity. He is a compulsive liar and has been acting really strange and childish. He lies about having a job and where he works, lies about having a girlfriend, the money he has, he lies about everything. Recently, we got into an argument because he decided to start insulting me and my girl best friend so he could make himself feel better, I guess. We retaliated and he couldn't handle it so he hung up on me. Ever since then he's been calling my cell everyday but I'm always too busy to answer. When I do get a chance to call back he never answers. So today, I finally answered the phone thinking we were going to have a normal conversation and the first thing he says is "No disrespect but what the fresia do you want?" I said "You called me!" and he started acting crazy saying he wasn't calling me. I told him I have proof on my phone that he's been calling me and he hung up in my face. So, I put his number on the call reject list because I am tired of him. Should I leave it there or what?

My girl best friend is an opportunist, alcoholic, druggie, and sex maniac. I've known her 11 years. I love her to death but her behavior is tearing our friendship apart. She's been teased throughout Jr. High school by ignorant people so much that she quit school in the 8th grade. She has such a strong need for approval......she thinks that when she sleeps with men that means they find her attractive and love her. So she sleeps around with numerous random men. The only time she wants to hang out with me is when she wants to get messed up or have a sexual escapade with someone that usually has a friend who's looking for the same thing. So she started hanging around women who are up for anything. Her friends call me stuck up and talk behind my back because I'm not like her. I guess the fact that I don't whore myself out makes me stuck up. I refuse to go around these people because they are ignorant alcoholics and drug addicts. She won't speak to me for months at a time so she could hang out with whoever will buy her alcohol or drugs. The other day we were hanging out for the first time in a long time. It was getting late and I was drunk so I called a cab to bring us home (she lives around the corner from me). She refused to go home with me and would rather stay with some guy who was bragging about being shot. She didn't even know his name! She started running around naked and trying to get me to get in bed with them for a threesome. I left her there and told her not to expect me to go ANYWHERE with her again.

A family member told me....a friendship is like a romantic relationship. Once it's over......it's over. But I have no other friends. I don't know what to do with the two of them anymore. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[Equality7-2521]

Well in my humble opinion you would need to have a serious chat with both of them. Sounds like you'll need to draw your line in the sand. Tell them where you stand, and why. It really hard line to draw, but you'll have to do it otherwise you may be picking up after them for awhile until hopefully they grow up a bit.

Once again just my humble opinion, and I mean no disrespect.

Hope you can get the help you need.

 

[Factotum]

maybe write a letter/e-mail to them explaining your true feelings. list some good times you had with them before they started to piss you off. and that you hope things can return to normal.

on the other hand, if you just want to get back with them because you have nobody else ..... hmmm, thats some predicament.

btw, your post is hilarious .

 

[Sci-Fi]

Wow. Well, not much you can do until they own up to their behaviour. You don't want to keep dragging yourself into their problems when they seem to be so ignorant of it. Both have something they need to deal with but refuse to. In their own way they might be reaching out but doing it in a negative way. I like Factotum's idea of writing a letter/email. That way you can say what you want without interruption and they can read it when they want. Might get a negative reaction out of them, might not. It's nice to have friends but the drama just isn't worth it.

 

[Tiina63]

This is difficult, because they are both causing you pain, but if you end the friendships, you naturally fear having noone. Maybe you could put any decisons about what to do on hold for now so that you don't either get dragged into a lot more stress and pain over their behaviour and also don't have to feel you have noone, and start going out to places where you may meet people you have more in common with and see if you can make some new friends? Maybe your two friends will sort themselves out more when they see that you have a life away from them and don't need to put up with their poor treatment. Or, if they don't, you will have your own life away from them with new people.

 

[Cookie337]

Thank you guys for your replies. I can imagine this post making you laugh cause I think about the two of them and just lol. I have already talked to both of them about their behavior. My guy friend apologizes then does the same thing all over again. The girl, well I've tried talking to her and even got her mom and her now ex-boyfriend involved but she is a lost cause. She's all about having a good time and nothing else. I've even tired ignoring them for months at a time but they always eventually call me, apologize, then back to square one again. I think my guy friend needs a psychiatrist and the girl needs rehab AND a psychiatrist. There's nothing I can say or do about their behavior. I would love to get new friends but it's hard living where I live. There is hardly anywhere to go to meet new people plus I have no transportation. I wish I could just leave and start a new life. People are just not friendly around here. I try talking to people but they're just not interested in being friends with me. The guys pretend to be your friend until they can have sex with you. If you tell them you will never have sex with them you never hear from them again. And the girls are just not interested unless you have something to offer (money, a car, etc.).

 

[Tiina63]

You wrote that you wish you could leave and start a new life. Would this be a possibility, either now or at a future date? It might be worth planning for.

 

[Okiedokes]

That's a lot to tolerate and you sound like a great friend to put up with some of that crap. I wouldn't know what to do either, because having a friendship that long is usually worth keeping no matter what... BUT... this is different. Glad to hear you aren't going to lower your standards to please the one friend, and you aren't stuck up for that at all. If I were you, I would probably keep away for awhile to think things over and well, maybe search for a new friend who you can get along better with. Easier said than done, but it will be worth trying at least.

 

[nea_lin]

I think it would be a good idea for you to take a break from these "friends". I have read about so-called toxic friendships, and I think that we all have had to deal with friends who do more harm than good. There comes a point where you just have to realize that you have to back off from these people and surround yourself with more positive individuals.

You said that it's difficult to make friends where you live....well, I believe that anyone can find friends anywhere, it's just a matter of branching out. Maybe you could join a group where everyone shares the same interest in something, such as an art club or running group. You can meet many new and interesting people in such places.

It's also good to remember that friends don't need to be the same age as you. The reason I say that is because I often put unconscious limits on who I can be friends with (eg: "oh she's too old/young to be my friend). Age/sex/ethnicity/creed doesn't matter much.