You take baby steps..that's what I did. I isolated my self for over a year and had all kinds of anxieties
being around people. I just made myself leave my house everyday...to break my routine.
Gradaully, I felt more comfortiable around people...Sometimes I'll even strike a conversations with complete
strangers. Sometimes complete strangers make conversations with me first...
I'm not always in a good mood or have a smile on my face..but when I catch myself.
I try to smile. Let go of whatever that's bother me and have a consious decision to be in the moment
and just be happy.
It's kind of reverse for me now. I'm around people all the time. My friends always wants me to go hang out.
I work with the public. I deal with poeple all day long. Most of the customers likes me. They always greet me.
wave at me and smile to me. They know me by my first name and talk about whatever. I don't wear a name tag.
Anyways...I need some alone time..to read ,write , play music or whatever it is I do that I enjoy.
Trying to find or keep a healthy balance. I bascailly feel like I need to regroup again...
There's been changes in my life. I'm actaully very bussied.
I need to really sit down and read my jornal, go over the goals and plans I've set for myself.
I know I've made progress...but I still need to refocus from time to time.
Heck i even had an on-line GF for a while. I tried that...Even though she broke up with me, it was good for me.
hahahaa..She used to call me or chat with me as if we were married...She knew my work schedule. I knew her's.
We talk about whatever. It was good for me...really. Even though I had to process our break up. It was alot better
than where I was at. i was willing to make connections with people again. No turama or dramma...a clean break up actaully.
It was like another part of the journey for me. I appricate the time and love she shared with me.
I have a FB account...i don't get all the compliants. I don't have a problem with it.
Actaully a lot of my freinds are happy to hear from me. They're happy to know that I'm live.
I chat and talk to them from time to time..catch up and what have ya. Reconnecting with people in my life.
I use it mostly to keep in contact with my daughter. I don't spy on her or any of that.
Beside..she calls me all the time and tells me everything that's going on with her..
As far as relationship is consern..there's two women in real life at the moment that show interest in me.
I'm kind of single at the moment...I re-estabish a relationship with someone i love very much..long term, long distance.
There's love in my life again and a lot of healing that came with this relationship. It's my choice. I'm choosing to do this.
It's all good. I really need to be finacially more stable. I'm saving my money and building up my reserve again.
The last relationship and combinations of the economy collasping bascailly went through all of my savings and left me broke.
I used to make $60,000 p/year excluding my bonus. Not rich by a long shot...but I wasn't straving.
I had my own house , 4 cars at one time, big screens...etc. Lost all of that.
Being broke sucks..but i got used it and comfortiable with that too....
I had a Z28 that I wasn't even driving...there wasn't anything wrong with it...I just drove it to my parents house oneday and just gave up.
Hence..i started isolating myself. My parents have a nice big house with a pool and all the goodies..I got comfortiable and lazy real fast.
I nevered wanted to get back in that car again...it brought back too many memories of a toxic relationships i was in...
My father was a little angery at me...thought there was something major wrong with my car..(just bad gas from not driving it)...
Errr...It was more like..there was something broken with the driver..
Anyway...I drive a truck. It's not new but it'll work. It's paid for. It looks new,drives new and there's a kick ass sound system I intalled in it.
Plus it's 4x4...I don't care if I run over curves, speed bumps around town
...I like it. It's all good.
yeah...kind of like an attitude I have at the moment...it's all just little speed bumps..lol
I'm still taking baby stepsor putting one foot in front of the other....the same as when I made a consious decision to get well.
Making progress...little by little.Just like how Rome was built...brick by brick. Patience.....
I still go out and hang out with my friends...spend money and stuff like that but it's not the same if I was to start dating
or get into a relationship with someone. I don't feel like I need to rush into a relationship at the moment but I actaully have one.
Chelle told me I need to have a little patience...It's all good. I remember holding her in my arms laying in bed with her listening to the song when we were married.
