My Story

[Calla]

Hi everyone!

I apologise in advance, I'm a bit drunk so my spelling and grammar may be awful. But, let's be realistic, it was the only way I was going to post on this site.

Where shall I start - I'm James, I'm 22 (going on 23) and I'm from South England. I'm 5' 11" and 16 stone, so a little on the fat side (but working on it!). I work full time and I earn an above average salary, which is a good thing. Apart from that I'm relatively healthy but I also have tinnitus. If you saw me in the street I look like a pretty normal guy.

However, the reason I'm writing this is because I need your help.

I've always suffered from low self-esteem, dismally low in fact. This has led me to a life where I still live with my parents as a single man, have no hobbies / interests whatsoever and live a daily routine of travelling to and from work and brainlessly living life at home. I have a few friends who I love and adore, but I don't have the chance to see them often. To fill the gaps I have other 'friends' who belittle me constantly and to be honest I don't enjoy their company. But hey, it's still better than being alone.

Part of me wonders why I have low self esteem. I could blame it on the lack of relationship with my parents, or because I was consistently bullied throughout my school years. Part of me says that I shouldn't care though, I cannot change my past. I'd rather concentrate on the now,

To describe my low self esteem I find that this picture of Homer Simpson describes it best:

I live with an inner devil who constantly puts me down, who holds me back. This devil does not allow me to have close relationships as I'm terrified of people getting to know the real me. This devil also also holds me back from my life ambitions as I'm terrified of the failure. I find this mood status debilitating, as in I'm 'stuck in a rut'.


I want to change this.

I'm bored of living a half life, I'm sick and tired of thinking that I'll never have the life of my wonderful friends because they're so much better than me. I'm even worried that I'm holding them back and that I don't deserve their company, even though deep down I know that this is ridiculous!!!

I want to be able to take part in new things that do not fear me and I want to have the courage to open up to my two closest friends (one male, one female) about the problems that I have/ I want to have the confidence to have a relationship with somebody without being scared of what they think of me. In other words, I want to have a life and not the half life I have now!

I suppose the reason why I'm writing this is that I don't know where to start. To those who turned their lives around, where did you begin? How would you approach my self esteem issue? How have you managed to turn your lives around? I've considered seeing a professional psychologist but due to their prices I've put it off for now. I've felt like this for as long as I remember.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, I look forward to hearing from you. I'll update you all as life goes on. For now, It's 1am, I'm tired and I need to sleep.

James.

 

[AskingtheEarth]

The main thing I can say in response to this is, perhaps you could try to befriend that inner demon rather than fighting against it. I live in harmony with mine now, and I've accepted all the negative things it tells me as being a part of who I am, and I'm a lot more content.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Negative inner vioce....
Everybody has an inner vioce. So embrace
That part of yourself
You can alter the meaage it plays.
A slight shilft from I cant to I can.....

You hitted major points of low esteem builders.

1 comparing yourself to others
2 worrying what others thinks about you.
3 Negative self talk.
4 memories of negative events in your life arrises into your awearness

---

Those are all just habits....your yhought process
Habits. The way you think habits.

Anyone can break habits.
Believe that it will easu...itl be easy....

Like i say....believing changes will be hard.
This too is just another habit.

Change your thinking change your life.

---

Make having positive thoughts and feeling your
Habits.
Make positive self talk your habits.
Make droping your negative thoughts and feelings
your habit...simple drop them as they arrises.
Then refocus or pivot to creating positive thoughts
And feelings....

Makes none resistence your habits....
none resistence to changes or being transparent
To your negative thoughts and feeings....
Itll simply go through you...the less you resist.
What you resist persist.

---

Use your creative mind to work for you.
See yourself as a sexy stud with the wonan
of your dreams. In the life you desire to live...
Practice this daily...make it your habit.

---

BElIEVE IS SEEING.....

Ponder this statement.
What have you been believing in?
What are you seeing as the results of your beliefs...

---

You can scan through this entire section
Of the countkess threads and read them....

Observe and notice the partterns....
Of the negative self talk.
The competing and comparing.
The worrying of what others think.

Notice the comon link..lol

 

[AdamGoldman]

I second to Mr. Crow and the earth dude.

I tried therapy and didn't do me any good (not to
say you should rule it out all together)

For me the big change came from books, seminars,
programs, videos.

I learn ONLY from people who are successful, strong,
and know what's going on.

I suggest (and everybody actually) to do
the same.