My struggles

[elissa]

The hardest thing about loneliness for me is that it is such a distraction. It makes me unmotivated because it is always there, hanging over me like a black cloud, preventing me from doing all the things I should be doing and instead I find myself seeking comfort and distraction from the loneliness by surfing the internet. So much time wasted on sites like myspace and youtube just so that I can get my social fix for the day and feel less alone. I have so many big goals for myself... and no motivation to do any of it.

Another hard thing I have to deal with is that I live in a tiny studio apt in a large city, so whenever I get the urge to go for a run/walk to help clear my mind and get me out of the apt, I always fear I'm gonna burst out crying in public so I wind up staying home instead still with tons of energy to release.

I have good self esteem and know that I am a cool person.. I have many friends and aquaintances, just no community or close friends to lean my head on at the end of the day... I had a good friend who was also a boyfriend, but he was just such a jerk to me and we brought out the worst in each other and finally called it quits recently. I almost asked him for his friendship back the other day, which was stupid and set me up for rejection, but at the time I was more concerned with having SOMEONE in my life. Noone should have to be so desperate that they will significantly lower their standards just to have someone to lean on..

I know I could do so much better than this! I know what it's like to feel part of a community, and I know what it's like to have really good, close, genuine friendships that you can depend on..It sucks to know what my life could be like while living a very different one. And it sucks to see everyone around you prancing around with their best friends when you know you deserve the same.

As long as I walk around feeling this way, I don't want to be in a relationship. I just want girlfriends! All my friends are guys! Which is cool and all, but boy when your guy friends get girlfriends, they all of a sudden dissapear... and girls are better to talk to when you're going through tough times. I don't want my guy friends to see me a mess.


That's my rant! Boy that felt good to put into writing. Hopefully it entertained someone out there, and if not then I still thank A Lonely Life for giving me the opportunity to vent to the world.

 

[Corvax]

Wow, I know where you are coming from on so many levels. In fact, aside from your living conditions (moderate apartment down south in the middle of nowhere here) our situation is very much the same. My life seems like a series of distractions, because whenever I have any time to think I just dwell on probably spending my life alone. I'll be 30 in a couple years, and I do have good friends but no one I can "talk" to. Anyway, thanks for posting, it's good to know someone understands.

 

[Vector]

saturday night.........

i feel a kind of relief, and now i know i shouldnt complain anymore. i used to feel sorry that my life is just full of unlucky events,
i really thought it's only me in this world who's stuck in this bloody circle.
heartliy wish that all of u to see the lights at the end of the tunnel.

 

[Christopher]

It's too bad we all can't just get together and play scramble or what's that game where you guess what someone else is trying to act out(?)...that one too. I'm in Southern California. We all need companionship...sincere companionship...everyone desires it and I think everyone has the ability to give it.

 

[Guest]

completely understand.  The distraction leading to unmovitation is the worst part of emotional loneliness.  I'm in uni right now, doing a major I couldn't give a honeysuckle about, so it definitely doesn't help.  All that's keeping me going is my pride.  I consider myself pretty sociable too.  It's just hard to find ppl I can relate. I feel like the ppl around me are too immature, or they just couldn't give a honeysuckle as far as building meaningful relationships is concerned.  I don't see things getting better.  I just have to find another way to cope, which sucks.

 

[shinojuly]

i really thought it's only me in this world who's stuck in this bloody circle.

i do have the same feeling. is this our same problem?

heartliy wish that all of u to see the lights at the end of the tunnel.

thats also my truly wish .

 

[adelia]

elissa,
Your situation is a lot like mine. Thanks for sharing. I live in a small studio apartment alone, and I have a friend who has been a boyfriend and a jerk to me. We're still friends, and he's sadly probably my best friend whom I can lean on. I want a girlfriend **** it too. Just wanted to say you're not alone. It's strangely comforting to know there are others out there who are in the same pathetic situations I got myself into. Or fate. Who knows.

 

[Guest]

Christopher i agree with you..At times like this i just wish i had some company to share my thoughts and emotions..pathetic,am i? saturday night home alone,with no suggestions to go out.. I feel so left out!I am in uni too.. life in greece being a student is totally different.. i am all alone... i live alone.. i really miss my family but don't wanna get back to them cause the worst thing is that when i'm around them they make me feel so bad so i really wanna leave..
Now i live in a big town(understand u elissa!) and miss going 4 a walk to burst out crying! I have lots of girlfriends but none to talk to,none close enough to share these feelings,none of them would understand me...probably they would laugh at me if in the middle of the night called them and told them "i feel so lonely"...
Hope all u guys find someone to share your life,your deepest emotions...someone who's worth your attention....