my tactics

[Triple Bogey]

It became clear when I was quite young that women wouldn't approach me or I would meet somebody easy. Not like my brother or most of the people I grew up with. So I sort of evolved these 'tactics' over the years.

Any woman who caught my eye, who I found attractive or liked the look of, I would try the following. Talk to her, be friendly, nice, ask her questions, be interested in what she had to say, tell her about myself. Not to much though, I was always conscious of her feelings. didn't want to annoy or get on her nerves.

After a while of this, my plan was to build it up, talk more, become friends and then it would be natural to ask her out.

That was my plan. It's never worked EVER !

Most of the time I don't get to the ask out stage because I don't see any interest. After some lovely conversations, the next day the woman would either ignore me or wouldn't be that interested in talking. It was always one step forward and 2 back. Some I did ask out and I got rejected every time. Some laughed at me, some were nice.

It hurt back then, doesn't so much now. I sort of know what's going to happen anyway. This recent one, it's been 9 months, complete waste of time.

Don't know what else to do !

 

[Case]

Don't know what else to do !

When would you start to flirt with these women?

 

[Blossomforth]

Dont try to be friends. that tactic never works, and its all too easy to fall into the dreaded Friendzone. If you don't ask a girl out by the second time you talk to her, then don't bother since shes going to start to view you as a friend. Save that "friendships turn into relationships" honeysuckle for the sitcoms, cause it rarely happens in real life.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Dont try to be friends. that tactic never works, and its all too easy to fall into the dreaded Friendzone. If you don't ask a girl out by the second time you talk to her, then don't bother since shes going to start to view you as a friend. Save that "friendships turn into relationships" honeysuckle for the sitcoms, cause it rarely happens in real life.

yes, I have always thought I wait far too long.
lack of confidence and courage I suppose

 

[thelonegamer]

Read Neil Strauss or access neilstrauss.com. Trust me. Read his books and you will see your life completely transformed.
Don't believe in me? Watch on YouTube 'Neil Strauss picks on Jessica Alba'. It's on the Jimmy I-don't-know-what show. If you need help, just pm me and we can change ideas. I'm almost a PUA, just that I don't get to practice a lot in my area 'cause pretty much everyone knows everyone here.
Anyway, you will pm me when you read about it.
Later...

---

Btw, you don't talk about yourself to women. Everyone's favourite subject is themselves. That's a cardinal sin.
There are four steps... But I'll spoil it so...
Later

 

[Tiina63]

I agree that waiting too long will get you friendzoned. If a man is friendly towards me and nothing more for a long time, I would assume that he just sees me as a friend and doesn't want anything more than friendship with me.
I don't really have any useful advice for you as my own relationship experiences have been less than stellar, but I send you a hug.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I agree that waiting too long will get you friendzoned. If a man is friendly towards me and nothing more for a long time, I would assume that he just sees me as a friend and doesn't want anything more than friendship with me.
I don't really have any useful advice for you as my own relationship experiences have been less than stellar, but I send you a hug.

thanks for the hug.

a lot of the women were from either school or work so it wasn't always that easy to ask them out. Ask too many women out and you get a reputation. I'm just not liked by women. It isn't me been down on myself, it's just true. I could have asked loads of women out on dates but how many would have said 'yes' ? Probably none.

 

[jjessea]

I have a hard time even getting to the "Friend Zone", that's how bad its gotten between myself and women.

 

[ardour]

I agree that waiting too long will get you friendzoned. If a man is friendly towards me and nothing more for a long time, I would assume that he just sees me as a friend and doesn't want anything more than friendship with me.

or... OR he's trying to get to know you first, so he can make an informed decision and not just act on physical attraction.

Jesus... with the comments about men objectifying women, only interested in scoring.. to read something like this is so confusing and disheartening.

Make up your mind; do you want us to treat you like a human being worth knowing, or 'prey'?

 

[IndigoSpace]

This is just a quick reply and I respect everyone's answers on here, but just to respond to Ardour's question (bear in mind I'm now in my forties so I can't comment on the younger age group, apart from when I was that age), in my view when a man wants to go out so quickly, ie asks me out quickly, it has always scared me off and he gets a no. I have then gone home thinking why oh why can't I just get to know people first and be asked out when it feels more natural and not so 'desperate.'

So if you wait I don't think you are doing anything wrong. If the girl is interested she'll wait as well. It's also true that women hate being seen as prey. When I walk down the street you see men (not all of course, just a minority) sitting on benches, etc, hands behind their heads, owning the street, then they look at me as if I'm part of the show that's been laid on just for them....I absolutely hate people like that, how dare they think I'm an object for them to evaluate in 'their' street...lol. I'm not saying there isn't a time and a place for flirting and sexual behaviour, but the key is not to see women as prey, it turns them off (if they are worth anything that is)

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Ask too many women out and you get a reputation. I'm just not liked by women. It isn't me been down on myself, it's just true. I could have asked loads of women out on dates but how many would have said 'yes' ? Probably none.

Hi Triple Bogey, just a quick reply as I'm mean't to be going out, but I just wanted to say, the thing that needs changing is not you, and not tactics, it really is just belief. If you don't believe deep down that you are likeable and loveable and attractive, no one else is going to believe it. I'm guessing they think what a nice guy and it's all only nice thoughts they have, but there isn't a spark that draws them in. That spark is in everyone, but it just needs real confidence and a willingness to lose everything, risk your reputation, everything, to alight it. If you look at the root of what you said, it was if you ask too many people out you get a reputation. I know it's not easy to overcome these things but IMO once you no longer care what other's think and just go for it, you'll have that 'something' that creates a chemistry between you and a girl.

I'm not saying you don't already have what it takes, you do, a lot of guys are tentative, etc, and eventually they do end up going out with girls, but it's confidence that will get you there quicker. Confidence based on not caring about the consequences, that you can handle a 'reputation.' It's easier said than done, but some people 'just do it.' If you got a reputation, what's the worst thing that could happen? How would you deal with it?

 

[Triple Bogey]

This is just a quick reply and I respect everyone's answers on here, but just to respond to Ardour's question (bear in mind I'm now in my forties so I can't comment on the younger age group, apart from when I was that age), in my view when a man wants to go out so quickly, ie asks me out quickly, it has always scared me off and he gets a no. I have then gone home thinking why oh why can't I just get to know people first and be asked out when it feels more natural and not so 'desperate.'

So if you wait I don't think you are doing anything wrong. If the girl is interested she'll wait as well. It's also true that women hate being seen as prey. When I walk down the street you see men (not all of course, just a minority) sitting on benches, etc, hands behind their heads, owning the street, then they look at me as if I'm part of the show that's been laid on just for them....I absolutely hate people like that, how dare they think I'm an object for them to evaluate in 'their' street...lol. I'm not saying there isn't a time and a place for flirting and sexual behaviour, but the key is not to see women as prey, it turns them off (if they are worth anything that is)

I always like to wait a bit, basically just to see if I like the woman. I want to get to know a bit about her, a few details.