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perfanoff

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I've been in the "prison?" of solitude. It's not that I'm not around or socializing with people. It comes the solitude a critical mind creates. The conditioned mind that strives for fairness and objectivity. That what makes me alive and striving for what's true and real has distanced me from many, many others that are less critical in their thinking. People who can't relate to this style think I am close-minded (very, very far from that), disagreeable, cold and scary. It's really a sad situation.

One example is the Zodiac. A steaming pile of bullshit. I just can't force myself and "twist my soul" to accept that big of a kids' tale in my mind. Without taking the effort to logically prove it's BS (and of course, the people who don't want to be persuaded couldn't care less), entertaining those ideas and being able to stand people seriously talk about this stuff in my vicinity without calling them on it would help me long ways socially and romantically.

I guess at some point I have chosen to be more real, but more lonely. I've always known.. I wouldn't, I couldn't trade away my identity to get anything material or social in this world. I'm very lucky and very unlucky for who I am. As well as very strong and very weak.

Maybe this belongs in the diary section. Whatever. Carry on.
 
perfanoff said:
I've been in the "prison?" of solitude. It's not that I'm not around or socializing with people. It comes the solitude a critical mind creates. The conditioned mind that strives for fairness and objectivity. That what makes me alive and striving for what's true and real has distanced me from many, many others that are less critical in their thinking. People who can't relate to this style think I am close-minded (very, very far from that), disagreeable, cold and scary. It's really a sad situation.

One example is the Zodiac. A steaming pile of bullshit. I just can't force myself and "twist my soul" to accept that big of a kids' tale in my mind. Without taking the effort to logically prove it's BS (and of course, the people who don't want to be persuaded couldn't care less), entertaining those ideas and being able to stand people seriously talk about this stuff in my vicinity without calling them on it would help me long ways socially and romantically.

I guess at some point I have chosen to be more real, but more lonely. I've always known.. I wouldn't, I couldn't trade away my identity to get anything material or social in this world. I'm very lucky and very unlucky for who I am. As well as very strong and very weak.

Maybe this belongs in the diary section. Whatever. Carry on.

You sound like you have some Scorpio in you. Lol sorry, couldn't resist.... :p

Perf, you are indeed very lucky. You have the ability to see, I mean, really see. You're authentic and true to yourself, and this among many other qualities, makes you strong (as you are well aware). I personally never once thought you were disagreeable, cold and scary. Those who do are the close-minded ones who choose to ignore the humanity of the person with the probing personality.

My impression of you is that you're complex, with many layers, many which are made of steel and chocolate covered cherries ;) . I really admire your ability and desire to get to the bottom of things: many people are afraid to do this. I think people might find it disconcerting to be around someone who is relentless in their pursuit of authenticity. I don't know why this is, personally. Maybe it makes people feel very vulnerable? Not many people want to be reminded of their weak and fragile sides.

When I'm confronted with my vulnerability, I'm more aware of my mortality and parts of my personality I want to work on and change. But... there is also a peace that comes in accepting our weakness... This takes a lot of energy that I think most people don't want to exert, IMO.

So glad to have you here.
 
I also try to be objective and rational as I can be (or as much as my depression will allow), but sometimes you have to temper it with the knowledge that other people have different perspectives, and some people who are just fine in other areas can't be swayed toward accepting things. I used to be very blunt with people when they were wrong about something and didn't leave them any breathing room when they tried to argue against it. I also did a poor job of choosing my battles. You have to gauge people out to see what you can get away with first. :p
 
So you have a strict, logical way of thinking, backed up by your need to validate what's been said or discussed?

Hearing things that you don't believe in (Or go against your logic) is something that happens throughout life, from what you described above, I get that you feel the need to challenge their beliefs in order to further validate your own.

For some people, believing something does not require any logical explanation or proof, if you believe in something so strongly, it's true to you - no matter who says what, and just because your believes are practiced and proven on a daily basis does not matter.

I think this is a matter of perspective, just because they have different beliefs doesn't mean a relationship has to break down. Hell, I'm not a believer in this Zodiac stuff myself, but I wouldn't use it as an excuse not to speak to someone.
 
In the end for me it's maybe because of not enough physical exercise and socializing. I've been doing some exercises these days, and since I just made them, I have another channel for the aggressive energy.

Actually seeing Lusker though.. if he's exercising as much as his avatar shows, maybe not. Oh well.
 
In the short time that I've come to know you, I have never found you disagreeable or cold (and let's face it, I'm scarier than you :p). But on a more serious note, you are the exact opposite of those traits! You're a wonderful person!

I can understand how frustrating it can be to be around people who may be ignorant or even adamant about their beliefs even if it doesn't seem particularly sensible to us. I think engaging with people who are not on the same level is a struggle for many intellectual/wise people.

But that said, I do agree with Mike. Everyone has a different reality, and whatever they believe in regardless of whether it seems logical to us, is their version of the truth. I think if they believe in something thats not harmful to others, then its something we can overlook especially if they possess other wonderful traits like kindness, compassion etc.

Ultimately, perhaps its more about how we connect and how much. It might not be so difficult to hang out with the people you don't find perhaps intellectually stimulating, while say, playing sports. You might even find their comradeship in such settings likeable?

When it comes to romantic relationships, well I don't know. Sometimes we think we can't be with someone for a number of reasons, and then we spend time with them and find that we can. Or the opposite can happen too, you meet someone who seems perfect, but then yeah not so much.

But I think its a good idea that you're using up aggresive energy in other ways, and perhaps this might help you sort of brush off things about other people that's annoying :)
 
perfanoff said:
I've been in the "prison?" of solitude. It's not that I'm not around or socializing with people. It comes the solitude a critical mind creates. The conditioned mind that strives for fairness and objectivity. That what makes me alive and striving for what's true and real has distanced me from many, many others that are less critical in their thinking. People who can't relate to this style think I am close-minded (very, very far from that), disagreeable, cold and scary. It's really a sad situation.

One example is the Zodiac. A steaming pile of bullshit. I just can't force myself and "twist my soul" to accept that big of a kids' tale in my mind. Without taking the effort to logically prove it's BS (and of course, the people who don't want to be persuaded couldn't care less), entertaining those ideas and being able to stand people seriously talk about this stuff in my vicinity without calling them on it would help me long ways socially and romantically.

I guess at some point I have chosen to be more real, but more lonely. I've always known.. I wouldn't, I couldn't trade away my identity to get anything material or social in this world. I'm very lucky and very unlucky for who I am. As well as very strong and very weak.

Maybe this belongs in the diary section. Whatever. Carry on.
.................................................................................................Most of our personality problems start in our childhood. We have all been conditioned by our past experiences and the way to overcome it is to simply watch our thoughts that are usually filled with resentments and judgments of others, usually blaming them for what we feel. If we could only learn to look at ourselves.
resentments only hurt us and stop us from changing inwardly.
resentment is not our friend, it does not attain anything in our own lives, causing our own demise.
We have to be honest with ourselves. The mind is tricky so it is best to simply watch it without judgment and just let it go.
Our minds have two sources, one from above and one from below so all we can do is watch it and when resentment or self pity appear just see it and in our hearts ask for help from above.
 
Oh man... I can't believe this, I found someone who thought nearly the same as me. That's right man, I hate anything that is related to unfair. Stuffs like playing a game and applying cheats, blaming others while himself is wrong, doing things the way he likes, judging others while never look at himself, things you know, that is simply so fake and wrong.

There are many things I do not understand in this world man. The world is not fair to begin with, somebody born rich and somebody born poor, that's what many have tried to advise me. Don't look things too seriously, live your own life and look ahead, that's why they have been telling me, don't mind about it, don't waste your time do anything about it, the world is like that, do you think you can change anything by yourself alone?

If you refuse to do that, you can't cope with the others, you are an immature man. And look at other person who is very mature, they just don't care and they live a good life. Okay then I am immature here and the others are mature.

But what I see and what I listen is totally two different thing. The question is, if the society does really works this way, that everybody is really thinking the same thing, then why are there evolution happening everywhere on earth? Government been overruled, party been changed, protest on the streets, violence happens all over the world. For what? Because of unfairness man.

Corruptions, mistreat on the genders, iron fist rulling, all these are unfairness. If the world is like that, and you can live with that, then why are you overulling your government? Why so many citizens of many countries have so many unsatisfaction that they want to have their voices heard? Why do you want to protest?

When I am trying to talk about unfairness, many will tell me "why are you keep talking things like this?" "you're so immature, naive, childish, grow up man" It makes me look like I am an alien and I am terribly wrong about what I am saying.

Eventually, from the way I can see it, every "rebellions" of a country always started by an "immature" man. You press a person, a group of persons too hard, they rise, and everyone follows, and there goes bye your votes in your coming election.

I meant, if you are so "matured", then why you can be influenced, and you can be led by a group of "immature" man? Why do you agree and support their views? That's the total different things you are trying to say every time. Unfairness is a common thing in this world isn't it, why are you fighting under this concept now?

And now weird thing is, those who never like to talk about unfairness and think they are too "serious" now, when it comes to politics, all became very serious. You should do this, you should do that. All they are talking are about fairness. Now they want to talk about fairness.

Sometimes I just find myself lost and I have no idea whose words are to be trusted or worth trusted. Eventually we are all the same man, there is no such thing as matured or not matured? We all yield for fairness, the difference is, we are honest about our feelings, we dislike unfairness and we talked about it.

You do not like the way we being too serious on the subject, that's just because you do not have the chance to express yourselves. When there is a chance, there is an opening, there is a way where you can claim the fairness into your hands, you will still join with others and make the world into a better place, make whatever country you lived at, a better place isn't it?

I mean, everyone is the same right? You and me are all alike isn't it man? You want fairness too but you do not want to admit it. How can the world change to a better place if you do not want to do anything about it? This is nothing concerned about serious or not being serious. This is nothing concerned about who is mature or not.

You just want to avoid the problem you have seen, you have already known about it, and you decide not to look at it and avoid it, that's all it mean man. What about the world is unfair? Until the fire burns right next to your ass, then here you comes, being an immature man yourself, yelling for your rights and now you expect the world to listen to your voice? Then why don't you start being a little bit "immature" and do it earlier?

What happen to everything you have said before, that the world is unfair? That's just all BS man. That's what I think. Everybody is just the same man. They do not speak what they meant, and they do not mean what they said. Many things they said are wise and sounds logic, but you look deeper into it, it has no logic, but you can't say that their words are not wise. It is.. you know lol.. so confusing man.
 
perfanoff said:
I've been in the "prison?" of solitude. It's not that I'm not around or socializing with people. It comes the solitude a critical mind creates. The conditioned mind that strives for fairness and objectivity. That what makes me alive and striving for what's true and real has distanced me from many, many others that are less critical in their thinking. People who can't relate to this style think I am close-minded (very, very far from that), disagreeable, cold and scary. It's really a sad situation.

One example is the Zodiac. A steaming pile of bullshit. I just can't force myself and "twist my soul" to accept that big of a kids' tale in my mind. Without taking the effort to logically prove it's BS (and of course, the people who don't want to be persuaded couldn't care less), entertaining those ideas and being able to stand people seriously talk about this stuff in my vicinity without calling them on it would help me long ways socially and romantically.

I guess at some point I have chosen to be more real, but more lonely. I've always known.. I wouldn't, I couldn't trade away my identity to get anything material or social in this world. I'm very lucky and very unlucky for who I am. As well as very strong and very weak.

Maybe this belongs in the diary section. Whatever. Carry on.

Most grasp at straws for their existence.
You have a gift.
 

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