Need a female perspective and help

[VanillaCreme]

It's not that people don't care how you feel, but when you tell people what you did in the original post, are we supposed to feel bad for you? I'm not trying to be a smartass, so please forgive me if I sound like such, but if the shoe were on the other foot and this was your wife talking personally and so deeply to another guy, would we not hear a different story? Surely, you wouldn't be daisy dandy about it, would you?

 

[JohnD1]

Youre right. It wasnt right. I dont know what to do with the situation now. Thats why I came here. She will be around for a while. She has closed up. I cant tell if shes ok with me still or hates me. Pretend this is a guy. Even if it was a guy I would not want to hate a person for no reason if there was no point. Sometimes it seems like things are ok, sometimes not. Did I ruin a friendship for good?

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

She's being loving to herself and protecting herself. It's not about you. Try to find someone else who can support and validate you like she did, only it really should be a guy. It makes things a whole lot less complicated for a straight married man.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Youre right. It wasnt right. I dont know what to do with the situation now. Thats why I came here. She will be around for a while. She has closed up. I cant tell if shes ok with me still or hates me. Pretend this is a guy. Even if it was a guy I would not want to hate a person for no reason if there was no point. Sometimes it seems like things are ok, sometimes not. Did I ruin a friendship for good?

Was it a friendship, or was it an affair?

You speak of your wife as not being human. What about your child? Is he/her not human, either?

If you were a man, you would have handled this differently. You are nothing but a little boy.

 

[ladyforsaken]

She's being loving to herself and protecting herself. It's not about you.

This. I totally think this. Well.. at least it's what I've experienced for myself before.

Could also be because she couldn't get those from you.. even if you may give them, but may not be received the same way as you gave them.

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If you were a man, you would have handled this differently. You are nothing but a little boy.

Hmm not very nice.. No offense.. but even big old grown ups could do the most childish things or make the stupidest mistakes in their lives. Don't mean they're little kids. Their mentality may be screwed up.. but labelling someone kinda puts you in the same boat, don't you think? Apologies if this offends you in any way, it's not meant to.. just saying.

 

[EveWasFramed]

She's being loving to herself and protecting herself. It's not about you.

This. I totally think this. Well.. at least it's what I've experienced for myself before.

Could also be because she couldn't get those from you.. even if you may give them, but may not be received the same way as you gave them.

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If you were a man, you would have handled this differently. You are nothing but a little boy.

Hmm not very nice.. No offense.. but even big old grown ups could do the most childish things or make the stupidest mistakes in their lives. Don't mean they're little kids. Their mentality may be screwed up.. but labelling someone kinda puts you in the same boat, don't you think? Apologies if this offends you in any way, it's not meant to.. just saying.

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^^ I agree with the above statements.

 

[Locke]

Youre right. It wasnt right. I dont know what to do with the situation now. Thats why I came here. She will be around for a while. She has closed up. I cant tell if shes ok with me still or hates me. Pretend this is a guy. Even if it was a guy I would not want to hate a person for no reason if there was no point. Sometimes it seems like things are ok, sometimes not. Did I ruin a friendship for good?

She probably saw that the relationship was coming too close to crossing the line from friendship to adultery, and she backed off for her own well being and yours. It doesn't mean she hates you. My suggestion is to let it go, you can find friends elswhere. Just be more careful about crossing that friendship/adultery line next time.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Youre right. It wasnt right. I dont know what to do with the situation now. Thats why I came here. She will be around for a while. She has closed up. I cant tell if shes ok with me still or hates me. Pretend this is a guy. Even if it was a guy I would not want to hate a person for no reason if there was no point. Sometimes it seems like things are ok, sometimes not. Did I ruin a friendship for good?

Are you sure it was just going to be a friendship? The way you talk about what you told her... Well, I'll just say that it didn't seem like things that would be said in a friendship. There wouldn't be any harm in opening up to another female if that delicate line of friendship-appropriate hadn't of crossed over into being inappropriate.

Really think about it for a second. Take all the things you said to her and imagine saying them to a guy friend. Could you even say those things to a guy? If the answer is no, then I would say you crossed that line to friendship-inappropriate.

Personally, I would suggest you just leave her alone. She's being that way towards you for a reason, be it she thought you meant more by the words you said to her, or she knows not to cross that line. How she's related in the picture of your life could also stop her from talking to you. But I wouldn't bother with her anymore, and I would feel like pushing to talk to her may make the situation worse.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Youre right. It wasnt right. I dont know what to do with the situation now. Thats why I came here. She will be around for a while. She has closed up. I cant tell if shes ok with me still or hates me. Pretend this is a guy. Even if it was a guy I would not want to hate a person for no reason if there was no point. Sometimes it seems like things are ok, sometimes not. Did I ruin a friendship for good?

She probably saw that the relationship was coming too close to crossing the line from friendship to adultery, and she backed off for her own well being and yours. It doesn't mean she hates you. My suggestion is to let it go, you can find friends elswhere. Just be more careful about crossing that friendship/adultery line next time.

I agree with this post. Totally. Not only that but you're married. If there's one thing that makes me sick is how men are married try to cheat on their wives. Her staying away is a good thing, I would do the same thing in her shoes. I'd stay far... far... far.. away.

I know I'm reacting strongly by this, but this just infuriates me....

 

[organicNYgirl]

Wow. Just wow. A cheating men's club? Are you sure it is your wife who is the inhuman one? Wether or not you are getting along with your wife right now, seeking solace in another woman is ridiculous. Why do you need another woman to validate your feelings? You say you think you're attractive etc. Is that all you think that matters? Your looks? I'm dumbfounded by this confession. Go home, be a real man and either try to salvage your marriage or pack your bags and leave.

 

[JohnD1]

She probably saw that the relationship was coming too close to crossing the line from friendship to adultery, and she backed off for her own well being and yours. It doesn't mean she hates you. My suggestion is to let it go, you can find friends elswhere. Just be more careful about crossing that friendship/adultery line next time.

I agree with this post. Totally. Not only that but you're married. If there's one thing that makes me sick is how men are married try to cheat on their wives. Her staying away is a good thing, I would do the same thing in her shoes. I'd stay far... far... far.. away.

I know I'm reacting strongly by this, but this just infuriates me....
[/quote]

You're assuming what my intentions were. The comments were mainly hypothetical and harmless but someone else was right. Not something I would tell a guy.
Whether you guys want to hear this or not, and whether you like it or not, there are distinct categories of men out there. Some are sheep. The woman is the dominant partner. They become dull, door mats. Maybe because theyre lazy, maybe because they have to be.
Others are dogs that can be well trained and for the most part, "shut it down" once theyre married. I try to be in this category.
Others are wolves. Highly aggressive, dominant partner. You can raise a wolf in captivity and theyll be a pretty good pet. But genetically there is a wild, aggessive streak that you cannot suppress. Ok well these guys dont deserve to be married or shouldnt right? Maybe they want to be married though and do the best they can.

I wish it was so easy to simply be yelled at and scolded into fitting the proper mold.
At least I am remorseful and want to be the right way. Im not asking for a reward. Im simply putting this out there because i think some women dont understand this. You wouldnt tell a gay person to apologize for being gay because we have decided that is socially acceptable.

 

[Locke]

You're assuming what my intentions were. The comments were mainly hypothetical and harmless but someone else was right. Not something I would tell a guy.
Whether you guys want to hear this or not, and whether you like it or not, there are distinct categories of men out there. Some are sheep. The woman is the dominant partner. They become dull, door mats. Maybe because theyre lazy, maybe because they have to be.
Others are dogs that can be well trained and for the most part, "shut it down" once theyre married. I try to be in this category.
Others are wolves. Highly aggressive, dominant partner. You can raise a wolf in captivity and theyll be a pretty good pet. But genetically there is a wild, aggessive streak that you cannot suppress. Ok well these guys dont deserve to be married or shouldnt right? Maybe they want to be married though and do the best they can.

I wish it was so easy to simply be yelled at and scolded into fitting the proper mold.
At least I am remorseful and want to be the right way. Im not asking for a reward. Im simply putting this out there because i think some women dont understand this. You wouldnt tell a gay person to apologize for being gay because we have decided that is socially acceptable.

Dude, you're not a sheep, dog or a wolf. You are a man, and you (hopefully) know the difference between right and wrong. It's hard to believe that you're remorseful when you try and justify your actions with this sheep/dog/wolf BS. Why bother to justify anyway? Just do the right thing and stop chasing women while you're still married. It doesn't matter if it'll be easy for you or not, it is still the right thing to do.

I'm a man, I have never acted the way you describe in a relationship. Great job generalising all men based on your narrow views.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Okay I think it's time to shut this down. Sorry JohnD1 but this thread doesn't seem to be going anywhere except to upset and frustrate others.