Okay, so I'll try to keep a very long story short, but first you need some background...flashback...
About 3 years ago a good friend of mine, from high school, admitted to me that she was having trouble in her marriage and wanted out. I told her to seek help first, go to counseling or something. They have 3 kids together, this happened shortly after the 3rd was born and were living in Alberta. About 2 years ago she sends me a YIM (yahoo messenger) that she's done, she's leaving she can't take it anymore and abruptly logs off. I didn't hear a thing from her until she contacts me a few weeks later that she is back in Ontario, where he mother and grandmother live (so home for her too). She up and left with her 3 kids while her husband was away. He was seeing another woman that he met on World of Warcraft...and told my friend that he no longer loved her, which he did on her birthday earlier that year. All they did was argue and fight and it started to get physical.
I live in another town so when I would go home on the weekends to visit my mom and brother we would meet up with my friend and talk. There were feelings between us, she had a crush on me in high school
but we never pursued it, well I didn't want to. She had (or still has) a lot of hurt feelings towards her husband and wears her heart on her sleeve. She started to bring her kids over to my moms and we'd all go for a walk and play with the kids at the park. Sometimes we'd pick up her oldest son (who was turning seven at the time) and just take him around town or back to my moms to play video games. The kids really got attached to us and I got attached to them, they would jump up and want us to carry them. Her oldest did this to me one day when we were leaving Walmart, he jumps up in front of me and wraps his arms around me wanting me to carry him to the car. We even went trick or treating in my mom's neighbourhood (I went as Batman btw ).
Last year around this time her husband comes to Ontario with a court order to take the kids back to Alberta. I'll admit I was sad, really sad because after all he put my friend through this was just another stab in the heart to her. She decides to rush up after her kids a few days later, I wanted to see her wait a bit longer to get herself in order but everyone else kept telling her to just go. She's the type of person who only takes the advice of what she wants to hear, ie the wrong advice. So many times she'd tell me she wished she listened to my advice.
Anyway, before she left she went to say goodbye to everyone and her last stop was me. She wanted us to promise each other that if we ever found someone else we'd tell the other first. She really wanted a relationship with me but I kept it as friends since 1. she was still legally married and 2. she had a divorce and custody to go through, and 3. this was the situation I was trying to avoid. It wasn't easy to have her go so soon, but its what she wanted to do. After she was returned to Alberta for her kids her husband and his new girlfriend (not the WoW one a different one) started asking her about taking the kids back. Her little girl can be a handful...a big handful, and her youngest son was 2 almost 3. Not that long ago I noticed her facebook status changed to "in a relationship" with some guy...so...so much for her keeping her promise to me...but oh well gets me off the hook I guess.
After a few months he basically forced her to take the kids while she was staying at a friends living in their basement (she did get her own place a month later). She was very adamant about not liking it in Alberta. Mostly I think because of her ex, his girlfriend, and wanting to be at home. Just a few months ago she decided to come back home, so she forced her ex to take the kids back and came home.
Now this brings me to my dilemma, my mom raised my brother and I on her own, she basically put her life on the back burner for us. My mom wants me to have nothing to do with my friend anymore since she basically put herself over her kids. My brother doesn't want to talk to her anymore either, but me, she's my friend, and I've rode out the past few years with her.
I just don't know what to do, last time I chatted with my friend she asked if we'd be going for a walk when I came home on the weekend, I told her probably not and she logs off. I don't know how to tell her that my mom doesn't want her anywhere near the house. I don't approve of what my friend did either, I don't have kids but I can't imagine ever giving them up, putting myself over them. I'd be happy just to be with my kids no matter where we were. I might miss my family but so are her kids. I wish I had kids, even hers lol.
I want to tell her why, but she's VERY over emotional. I'm not the type to just give up on my friends, and oh boy do I have an interesting story to tell in that regards. But I'm also not sure if I want to put myself through another 2 years of hearing her cry and complain about her life, and her ex after what she just did. I had sympathy for her for what he put her through, even though I know my friend and I understand why he probably did what he did but still, pretty ****** bag thing to do.
I guess this wasn't that short...but any advice anyone?
About 3 years ago a good friend of mine, from high school, admitted to me that she was having trouble in her marriage and wanted out. I told her to seek help first, go to counseling or something. They have 3 kids together, this happened shortly after the 3rd was born and were living in Alberta. About 2 years ago she sends me a YIM (yahoo messenger) that she's done, she's leaving she can't take it anymore and abruptly logs off. I didn't hear a thing from her until she contacts me a few weeks later that she is back in Ontario, where he mother and grandmother live (so home for her too). She up and left with her 3 kids while her husband was away. He was seeing another woman that he met on World of Warcraft...and told my friend that he no longer loved her, which he did on her birthday earlier that year. All they did was argue and fight and it started to get physical.
I live in another town so when I would go home on the weekends to visit my mom and brother we would meet up with my friend and talk. There were feelings between us, she had a crush on me in high school
but we never pursued it, well I didn't want to. She had (or still has) a lot of hurt feelings towards her husband and wears her heart on her sleeve. She started to bring her kids over to my moms and we'd all go for a walk and play with the kids at the park. Sometimes we'd pick up her oldest son (who was turning seven at the time) and just take him around town or back to my moms to play video games. The kids really got attached to us and I got attached to them, they would jump up and want us to carry them. Her oldest did this to me one day when we were leaving Walmart, he jumps up in front of me and wraps his arms around me wanting me to carry him to the car. We even went trick or treating in my mom's neighbourhood (I went as Batman btw ). Last year around this time her husband comes to Ontario with a court order to take the kids back to Alberta. I'll admit I was sad, really sad because after all he put my friend through this was just another stab in the heart to her. She decides to rush up after her kids a few days later, I wanted to see her wait a bit longer to get herself in order but everyone else kept telling her to just go. She's the type of person who only takes the advice of what she wants to hear, ie the wrong advice. So many times she'd tell me she wished she listened to my advice.
Anyway, before she left she went to say goodbye to everyone and her last stop was me. She wanted us to promise each other that if we ever found someone else we'd tell the other first. She really wanted a relationship with me but I kept it as friends since 1. she was still legally married and 2. she had a divorce and custody to go through, and 3. this was the situation I was trying to avoid. It wasn't easy to have her go so soon, but its what she wanted to do. After she was returned to Alberta for her kids her husband and his new girlfriend (not the WoW one a different one) started asking her about taking the kids back. Her little girl can be a handful...a big handful, and her youngest son was 2 almost 3. Not that long ago I noticed her facebook status changed to "in a relationship" with some guy...so...so much for her keeping her promise to me...but oh well gets me off the hook I guess.
After a few months he basically forced her to take the kids while she was staying at a friends living in their basement (she did get her own place a month later). She was very adamant about not liking it in Alberta. Mostly I think because of her ex, his girlfriend, and wanting to be at home. Just a few months ago she decided to come back home, so she forced her ex to take the kids back and came home.
Now this brings me to my dilemma, my mom raised my brother and I on her own, she basically put her life on the back burner for us. My mom wants me to have nothing to do with my friend anymore since she basically put herself over her kids. My brother doesn't want to talk to her anymore either, but me, she's my friend, and I've rode out the past few years with her.
I just don't know what to do, last time I chatted with my friend she asked if we'd be going for a walk when I came home on the weekend, I told her probably not and she logs off. I don't know how to tell her that my mom doesn't want her anywhere near the house. I don't approve of what my friend did either, I don't have kids but I can't imagine ever giving them up, putting myself over them. I'd be happy just to be with my kids no matter where we were. I might miss my family but so are her kids. I wish I had kids, even hers lol.
I want to tell her why, but she's VERY over emotional. I'm not the type to just give up on my friends, and oh boy do I have an interesting story to tell in that regards. But I'm also not sure if I want to put myself through another 2 years of hearing her cry and complain about her life, and her ex after what she just did. I had sympathy for her for what he put her through, even though I know my friend and I understand why he probably did what he did but still, pretty ****** bag thing to do.
I guess this wasn't that short...but any advice anyone?
