Need someone to listen...

[lone_drow]

Hi guys. I have been here on the boards for a while but never really had the courage to share what I've been going through.

My life feels empty and meaningless. I've been struggling with depression on and off. I got married about two and a half years now and many things have changed. I feel that I'm becoming more depressed and withdrawn. It feels like I'm just too ill equipped to handle my husband's expectations of me.

My husband have grown distant. I sense that he is going through some struggles of his own but he would never talk things out and share them with me. I feel abandoned and alone in this marriage.

He's been saying very hurtful things to me lately. He has called me stupid and useless among other things. He has also mentioned that I should thankful he married me because no one else would have done so and he's doing other men a favor by "saving" them from ending up from someone as worthless as me. Those words have really cut me deeply. I don't know how to make him happy anymore as I've lost all energy. There are times I do wish that I don't have to wake up anymore.

I'll have to stop here because I find that it's too upsetting for me write anything more.

 

[Montreal Skye]

Sounds like not only has the communication between you ended, bitterness is rearing its ugly head too. He seems angry with you and usually anger is the product of fear, hurt or frustration. If he's grown distant then he's obviously picked up on how you're feeling alone in the marriage. I think the first thing you have to do (if you want the marriage to continue) is find a way for the two of you to have an honest discussion. If you can't do that, then I don't think things will get better. That's just my opinion, I think everyone deserves happiness, feeling alone in a marriage must be devastating.

 

[Tiina63]

These are pretty awful things your husband is saying to you and I agree with Skye that if you want the marriage to continue, it might be best to have an honest discussion to see what could be the reason for his nasty words. Or maybe go to marriage guidance/counselling. Did something happen just before he became distant? You said that you are not meeting his expectations. What does he expect? (Whatever it is doesn't excuse his calling you worthless, stupid and useless, though).
I really do feel for you. Feeling completely alone when alone is painful, but feeling this way in marriage must be even worse. But the situation is so bad that, if I were in it, I would either try and get to the root of his behaviour or end the marriage.
Being constantly put down would corrode anyone's self esteem and happiness.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I agree with Skye and Tiina. Maybe even couples therapy, that at least gives you an unbiased outside perspective. Those things he's said to you are uncalled for no matter what he might be going through.

 

[paulo]

leave... .(if you have somewhere to go that is)
just for a litle while.
would be better for you anyway.
if he really cared about you he`d find out what he`s be missing without you there.
and try to work things out.
if he doesnt youre better off without him.

he has no right to call you anything that isnt nice or helpfull.
making you happy should be just as important to him as making him happy is to you.

if he`s not willing to put in the effort you schould get out of there.

 

[Astral_Punisher]

I'm sorry that you're had such hurtful things said to you .

I would talk to a professional counselor or health worker about this.

Maybe ask him some hard questions like:

"Why do you say such hurtful things to me?"
"Has something changed in your life for you to treat me like this?"
"Have I done something to deserve this treatment?"
"Has something changed since we were married?"
"What do you want from me?"

His answers will give you some idea of why he is acting like this, and from these answers, you can start to decide where you want to take your marriage. It may be that a marriage professional (not a lawyer) will be best equip to assist you in your decision.

If you feel that he may become physically aggressive, I would definitely head to a friend or relatives for a while.