Hello
I found this forum by googling “is it normal to have no friends” which is pretty daft really, considering I don’t actually agree with “normal/not normal” but the phrase suited my query. I have no friends. Zero, not a one. Most of the time it doesn't bother me – I think – other times I am inwardly freaking out that this is not right.
I’m not sure where to start really, or what order to put things. So here goes, and well done if you stick with the entire post!
I am almost 40, married with a teenage son and live in England. I moved around as a child, first aged 9 from the north to the south of England, so my accent was “weird” and I lost all my friends as back then we didn't have emails etc. Then again at almost 16, back to the north ( a different part). Again – weird accent, no friends because this was before the internet (I know, who can even remember?!) If we wanted to keep in touch we had to write letters since phone calls were so expensive and of course no one really kept it up beyond a few months.
I got married and had my son quite young (22) and left work to raise him. I now have mobility issues from a long term condition, and I suppose if I’m honest, clinical depression has been a part of my life since early adolescence.
I’ve had friendships, on and off. I’ve been badly hurt and let down, and baffled by human behaviour. I genuinely believe I am a “nice” person – I am fiercely loyal, highly empathetic, I go out of my way to stay in touch and ask about others (I’d rather talk about them than me) but no one sticks with me. I’ve chosen poorly in the past, people who took advantage of my good nature. I have thought people cared more than they did, and it also seems I place a much higher emphasis on people I used to know because I was the one who moved away, and people who stay where they were born are much, much more laid back. Where I live now, and have done for over 20 years, I barely know anyone. If I ever go back to where I have lived previously – which I avoid as it is too painful – I’d freak out if I see a familiar face.
Anyway this is heading nowhere really. I am lonely, quite often. Having said that I have always been a loner and happy with my own company. it’s just these days I have no other option! I miss talking things over with someone, but anyone I’ve ever had that with has let me down, hurt me quite badly, and left the picture. At almost 40 I don’t know if I can make friends. I don’t know how, and then I don’t even know if I want to. I can’t see what I’d offer, as I have quite a lot to complain about, but while it would be nice if I had someone to say “oh dear that sounds like it sucks” I’m not exactly inclined to discuss it for hours on end as it wouldn’t help. So I don’t think I’m selfish. Who knows. Maybe I’m just not meant to have anyone in my life other than relatives, but it seems a shame to me.
By joining this forum I am reaching out to fellow humans. I’ve had a read of a few threads and people seem very friendly. I hope so, I’ve had a bad BAD experience of forums a few years back and I am really scared of being judged/attacked again but I suppose – clearly – I am risking it.
*hides*
I found this forum by googling “is it normal to have no friends” which is pretty daft really, considering I don’t actually agree with “normal/not normal” but the phrase suited my query. I have no friends. Zero, not a one. Most of the time it doesn't bother me – I think – other times I am inwardly freaking out that this is not right.
I’m not sure where to start really, or what order to put things. So here goes, and well done if you stick with the entire post!
I am almost 40, married with a teenage son and live in England. I moved around as a child, first aged 9 from the north to the south of England, so my accent was “weird” and I lost all my friends as back then we didn't have emails etc. Then again at almost 16, back to the north ( a different part). Again – weird accent, no friends because this was before the internet (I know, who can even remember?!) If we wanted to keep in touch we had to write letters since phone calls were so expensive and of course no one really kept it up beyond a few months.
I got married and had my son quite young (22) and left work to raise him. I now have mobility issues from a long term condition, and I suppose if I’m honest, clinical depression has been a part of my life since early adolescence.
I’ve had friendships, on and off. I’ve been badly hurt and let down, and baffled by human behaviour. I genuinely believe I am a “nice” person – I am fiercely loyal, highly empathetic, I go out of my way to stay in touch and ask about others (I’d rather talk about them than me) but no one sticks with me. I’ve chosen poorly in the past, people who took advantage of my good nature. I have thought people cared more than they did, and it also seems I place a much higher emphasis on people I used to know because I was the one who moved away, and people who stay where they were born are much, much more laid back. Where I live now, and have done for over 20 years, I barely know anyone. If I ever go back to where I have lived previously – which I avoid as it is too painful – I’d freak out if I see a familiar face.
Anyway this is heading nowhere really. I am lonely, quite often. Having said that I have always been a loner and happy with my own company. it’s just these days I have no other option! I miss talking things over with someone, but anyone I’ve ever had that with has let me down, hurt me quite badly, and left the picture. At almost 40 I don’t know if I can make friends. I don’t know how, and then I don’t even know if I want to. I can’t see what I’d offer, as I have quite a lot to complain about, but while it would be nice if I had someone to say “oh dear that sounds like it sucks” I’m not exactly inclined to discuss it for hours on end as it wouldn’t help. So I don’t think I’m selfish. Who knows. Maybe I’m just not meant to have anyone in my life other than relatives, but it seems a shame to me.
By joining this forum I am reaching out to fellow humans. I’ve had a read of a few threads and people seem very friendly. I hope so, I’ve had a bad BAD experience of forums a few years back and I am really scared of being judged/attacked again but I suppose – clearly – I am risking it.
*hides*