Never had a GF at 20.

[Stupid Lonely Boy]

Hi there.
I don't really know why I am posting this and how a forum can help me, but here it is:

I'm 20. I never had a GF. I was never near having a GF.
I'm kinda shy. I have trouble in making friends and I spend a lot of time on my computer. Since finishing the high school, that's all I do. Not because I like computers so much, but because I don't have anything else to do.

I don't really have any friends and I don't go out because when people from my city see me they say something like: "I last saw you 5 years ago".. that's because I spend all the time inside my house.

What's wrong with me? Why can't I just have a normal life?
I'm starting to feel more depressed everyday and I care less about how I look every day. Some days I just stay in bed and watch stupid movies on my laptop.

I have no reason to wake up in the morning, no reason to live... no reason to anything. I feel that no one likes me and I don't have anything to talk to anyone. Last week I first talked with a girl on the phone and during the call there were 10+ awkward pauses (some of half a minute).
Don't know what to say.

Why am I so stupid? :|

 

[Rav]

First of all your not stupid. Just wanted to establish that

I have had periods of my life where all I did was sitting in front of an computer. I always had things interfere in my life and get me out of that bad habbit though. Have you thought about starting on an education? I dont know where you are form and if you would have to pay for that, but it would be an great way to get out, and getting on with your life, and maybe even meet some people. My experience is that at first I wouldnt talk with people when I started a new place, but eventually, I would get closer and closer to the people without even trying very hard.

About talking with girls.. I think it will get easier the more you do it.. When I were younger I remember those long and awkward pauses, but the more I talked with people the easier it have beem, I still find it hard, but atleast it have gotten easier.

I sincerely hope you figure out an way to get on with your life, the most important is to try and force yourself to get out and do something, start with small trips at first and see if you can make them bigger. it sounds easy but I know its very very hard.

 

[louMcntire]

None of what you've written is abnormal. I've never had a GF and I'm as old as you. If you take a look around the forum you'll find a lot of people share this in common with us. The best thing to do right now is simply not to wrap your head around the problem. Don't turn on yourself. Loneliness and depression are only feelings, they don't make you stupid. Like Rav said - Find something that will get you out of the house. Take a jog everyday maybe - I swear to god! Daily doses of sun and exercise are cocaine for the mind.

And write whatever's holding your heart down on here. There will always be someone to read your experiences. And sharing problems is always a good and easy way of feeling better. Plus, I'm sure you can find a chat partner on here to maybe help you with your shyness.

 

[LostInside]

It takes time. Learning to be social is very important and very important to developing relationships.

 

[Badjedidude]

Simple solution: GO GET A GIRLFRIEND.

Potential girlfriends are everywhere. True story, bro.

 

[allanh]

I can relate to you, mate. Except I am older than you. All I can say is that you are still very young and being 20 is still very early days in terms of getting a gf. Take your time.

 

[IgnoredOne]

You're not stupid; you might be ignorant in terms of social skills. In that case, you can learn through acquiring knowledge by a combination of experience and understanding otherwise.

 

[the-alchemist]

I've never had a GF at age 24

There's always people worse off than you

 

[beans]

Hi there.
I don't really know why I am posting this and how a forum can help me, but here it is:

I'm 20. I never had a GF. I was never near having a GF.
I'm kinda shy. I have trouble in making friends and I spend a lot of time on my computer. Since finishing the high school, that's all I do. Not because I like computers so much, but because I don't have anything else to do.

I don't really have any friends and I don't go out because when people from my city see me they say something like: "I last saw you 5 years ago".. that's because I spend all the time inside my house.

What's wrong with me? Why can't I just have a normal life?
I'm starting to feel more depressed everyday and I care less about how I look every day. Some days I just stay in bed and watch stupid movies on my laptop.

I have no reason to wake up in the morning, no reason to live... no reason to anything. I feel that no one likes me and I don't have anything to talk to anyone. Last week I first talked with a girl on the phone and during the call there were 10+ awkward pauses (some of half a minute).
Don't know what to say.

Why am I so stupid? :|

No, you're not stupid. Did anything happen to you? Why do you have problems talking to people or socializing? Is this by choice? Because, well, usually everyone has a story why they're a certain way. Thankfully, these things can be changed. Now it's different if you have only one eye or no hair, etc.

 

[Ak5]

All you have to do is try.

If you survived all this, you can survive a girl saying no. With time and practice, eventually, one will say yes.

 

[Badjedidude]

All you have to do is try.

If you survived all this, you can survive a girl saying no. With time and practice, eventually, one will say yes.

THIS.

 

[ShybutHi]

Simple solution: GO GET A GIRLFRIEND.

Potential girlfriends are everywhere. True story, bro.

*Rolls eyes*

 

[Badjedidude]

*Rolls eyes*

Something wrong with what I said?

Feel free to enlighten us.

 

[happyman]

if you are short = forget it
if you have no money = see above
if you dont have a nice body = see above
if you dont have a nice face = see above

if you have all of these features then there is something wrong. You could be gay.

if you have no features, then welcome to the club

out

 

[Calm]

I never had a girl when 20 also. Eventually I got a gf when I least expected it. That faded away rather quickly, was single for a bit and then all of a sudden I have a girlfriend again. And this happened in most bizarre most unexpected way, very sudden (well not the relationship part, but meeting romantically)

But I have reviewed my happenings and I came to the conclusion that my mindset made everything happen. Be confident. Don't get sad when things don't go as planned. Take whatever life throws at you with calm mood.

 

[PieBeNice]

if you are short = forget it
if you have no money = see above
if you dont have a nice body = see above
if you dont have a nice face = see above

if you have all of these features then there is something wrong. You could be gay.

if you have no features, then welcome to the club

out

Hmmm I never knew I was gay. This explains everything.

 

[Mazda13bRotary]

Go out and get you a job where you're forced to interact with the public, each and every day. It will be hard at first, trust me I've been there, but with time it will get easier and easier. Before you know it you'll be able to strike up a conversation with a random stranger, and people/customers will start to know you by name. A girlfriend coming along can be a side effect of this, but having a girlfriend may make you more insecure and unhappy with life than you already are. Be prepared for a great deal of drama once you start getting involved with the opposite sex. I've found that exgirlfriends make a hobby out of randomly calling at all hours of the night just to tell you to f*ck off.

 

[ShybutHi]

if you are short = forget it
if you have no money = see above
if you dont have a nice body = see above
if you dont have a nice face = see above

if you have all of these features then there is something wrong. You could be gay.

if you have no features, then welcome to the club

out

Nah this is wrong... Gay people always have money. lol



Hmm I have no money and not a good body or face either so im in!

Do I get an embossed members card?

 

[LostInside]

Nah this is wrong... Gay people always have money. lol



Hmm I have no money and not a good body or face either so im in!

Do I get an embossed members card?

No kidding about the money part! I know this is a stereotype and I really don't like using them, but San Francisco and its homosexual community, they must have at least some money to live where the cost of living is that high! It is a nice city and I would like to live there.

 

[Code S.O.L]

Be prepared for a great deal of drama once you start getting involved with the opposite sex. I've found that exgirlfriends make a hobby out of randomly calling at all hours of the night just to tell you to f*ck off.

This is sound advice. I think alot of us lonely folks who've never had partners(or in most cases, haven't even dated anyone), are filled with lofty ideals of romance and happiness. And unaware of the bullshit that hides around the next corner.

I think that before you even think about girlfriends, you should work on interacting with people more and building a social group. There's a good chance that the people you meet will have or had partners in the past. Observe their relationship closely. Sure, you're gonna see alot of the lovey-dovey stuff that's depressing for us lonely folk, but you'll also see alot of drama that might open your eyes and make you second guess your desire for a relationship.

THEN decide whether or not you wanna follow through on seeking a relationship.