Never had a girlfreind

[thefunkman]

Alright. I'd really appreciate if some girls could give me some advice on this. So, not to be cocky or anything, but I am a good looking guy and blah blah. But this is the problem. I am a nice guy. A very nice guy, easy going, and pretty much content doing anything i feel is not morally wrong. ANYWAY... so i find when girls dont know me well they assume im a bad boy and so i hook up with girls often. BUT i am picky when it comes to relationships. So when the rare time comes and there is a girl i think i could potentially see myself with i get very into her. Not only that but she gets to know me, see's im a nice guy, and loses interest XD well fresia, so i be not myself, act like a jerk, i get action. I act like that and talk to the person, they are interested. I am myself and just nice. BAM. game over. I hate it because i like being nice and i like people who are nice... what wrong with being nice ladies!

PS - if your advise is not be nice, well not gonna work. I will not change who I am to make some girl who likes to be treated poorly happy.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Alright. I'd really appreciate if some girls could give me some advice on this. So, not to be cocky or anything, but I am a good looking guy and blah blah. But this is the problem. I am a nice guy. A very nice guy, easy going, and pretty much content doing anything i feel is not morally wrong. ANYWAY... so i find when girls dont know me well they assume im a bad boy and so i hook up with girls often. BUT i am picky when it comes to relationships. So when the rare time comes and there is a girl i think i could potentially see myself with i get very into her. Not only that but she gets to know me, see's im a nice guy, and loses interest XD well fresia, so i be not myself, act like a jerk, i get action. I act like that and talk to the person, they are interested. I am myself and just nice. BAM. game over. I hate it because i like being nice and i like people who are nice... what wrong with being nice ladies!

PS - if your advise is not be nice, well not gonna work. I will not change who I am to make some girl who likes to be treated poorly happy.

You should probably associate with different crowds if "being nice" by and itself is excluding you from attention. Being a good and decent person does not exclude you from being confident in yourself.

What do you mean by "being nice", exactly?

 

[thefunkman]

When i say i'm a nice guy or "being nice" i mean i will go out of my way to do things for someone, bring them flowers, make a meal, tell them they are looking beautiful that day. Etc.

Oh also, i should add, this is who I am and why I am nice -

I have a strong desire to help those less fortunate then me, and by less fortunate i mean in that aspect not overall. Often times I put others before myself because
I have been through a lot and i know i can handle honeysuckle. What makes me feel best is taking the burden for people. There is nothing in this world I would want more then to be able to take peoples pain away even if i had to hold it in me. This is what i think girls dont like. I tend to not talk about myself unless they ask or I feel it is something that will help one or both of us. AND i tend to be ok doing what she wants to do, see what she wants to see. I think girls think its insincere because i agree with everything. BUT THATS WHO I AM! lol. I am content with almost anything I feel is not morally wrong. And even MORE content if i know it is something that ther person im with enjoys because i enjoy anything! the hard part for me is making sure my partner enjoys it too.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I will not change who I am to make some girl who likes to be treated poorly happy.

That is one of the best things I've ever read here. Ever.

My advice is to keep being yourself. There will be someone who sees it and likes you for who you are. Guys who are jerks may get girls, but they also usually have troubled relationships.

 

[missymessy]

Alright. I'd really appreciate if some girls could give me some advice on this. So, not to be cocky or anything, but I am a good looking guy and blah blah. But this is the problem. I am a nice guy. A very nice guy, easy going, and pretty much content doing anything i feel is not morally wrong. ANYWAY... so i find when girls dont know me well they assume im a bad boy and so i hook up with girls often. BUT i am picky when it comes to relationships. So when the rare time comes and there is a girl i think i could potentially see myself with i get very into her. Not only that but she gets to know me, see's im a nice guy, and loses interest XD well fresia, so i be not myself, act like a jerk, i get action. I act like that and talk to the person, they are interested. I am myself and just nice. BAM. game over. I hate it because i like being nice and i like people who are nice... what wrong with being nice ladies!

PS - if your advise is not be nice, well not gonna work. I will not change who I am to make some girl who likes to be treated poorly happy.

I think perhaps, or at least it's the feeling I get from your post, you're focussing on the wrong aspect. You think it's about being nice and that girls back away because you're nice.
I somehow doubt that... I'm not someone who buys into this "girls like to be mistreated" malarky.
Personally it was "i get very into her." <--- that which instantly set off alarm bells to me.
Could it be that you come on too strong? I for one cannot stand that, it makes me so uneasy and gives me the urge to run.

Hope you find the answer to your situation soon!
x

 

[thefunkman]

[/quote]

I think perhaps, or at least it's the feeling I get from your post, you're focussing on the wrong aspect. You think it's about being nice and that girls back away because you're nice.
I somehow doubt that... I'm not someone who buys into this "girls like to be mistreated" malarky.
Personally it was "i get very into her." <--- that which instantly set off alarm bells to me.
Could it be that you come on too strong? I for one cannot stand that, it makes me so uneasy and gives me the urge to run.

Hope you find the answer to your situation soon!
x
[/quote]

You are right in some ways. I am a very picky guy. I come across as a bad boy for whatever reason, but im not haha. So girls think im a badboy, cool whatever, we hookup. But then when the rare thing happens that I potentially see something, I do get exited. Probably come on too strong. When I find that rare girl, and when i say rare i mean it, when i find her I am comited before we are "comited" if that makes sense. I don't talk to other girls, I treat them with full respect, and listen to any and every word they wish to say. If treating a girl as well as i feel they deserve to be treated is a turn off, i just don't understand. What im really hoping...pleeeease.... is as i get older and girls think more about long term things will be different. Cross my fingers!

By the way, im 19

 

[IgnoredOne]

A few possibilities:

1) You get committed too quickly - that in itself is more than a little scary.

2) Agreeing with everything highly implies that you don't have a stand in anything. The Churchill quote is relevant: "You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."

3)Treat girls as human beings, not priceless whitewashed relics. This includes disagreeing sometimes; and if you really do have a great joy in helping others, you might want to bring that up to them. Show that you have passion, including helping others; if you work with animals, for example, talk about how much you love animals, your volunteer work, and how you feel things could be better.

 

[thefunkman]

A few possibilities:

1) You get committed too quickly - that in itself is more than a little scary.

2) Agreeing with everything highly implies that you don't have a stand in anything. The Churchill quote is relevant: "You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."

3)Treat girls as human beings, not priceless whitewashed relics. This includes disagreeing sometimes; and if you really do have a great joy in helping others, you might want to bring that up to them. Show that you have passion, including helping others; if you work with animals, for example, talk about how much you love animals, your volunteer work, and how you feel things could be better.

See that is the most ridiculous thing. This is the kind of thing that makes me mad. First of all I get committed too quickly. So putting yourself in a position where you are loyal to your desire is bad?

Second I never said I agree with everything. I am easy going. HUGE HUGE HUGE difference. This is why i get mad when people are like nice guys are not confident blah blah blah. Just because I disagree does not mean I will voice the fact. If it is petty and would make her happy sure why not, i agree. Now if it is something like she says "i hate dogs" i would be pretty upset. I would say well i fuckin love dogs. POINT BLANK PERIOD. Being nice means you do not make problems out of things that can be ignored with no negative results. I feel bad for the people who still do not understand what many of us nice guys are. Just open minded.

Third, treat women like relics blah blah? WTF? Your whole post is really upsetting to be honest. It just shows how misguided women are when they meet nice men. In my mind what I see is i treat women like human being. You know who else i treat like a human being? me, you, we, us, everyone. And to me, humans are pretty ******* priceless "whitewashed relics".

So please, before you assume a nice guy is insincere, lacks confidence, and needs approval, consider the possibility that he is just open minded, easy going person, willing to listen to the likes, dislikes, faults and gifts of just about anyone, and you however are not. Don't think you are so special. I mean, you are. But to us nice guys you are just as special as everyone else to us, which is very special, but you are not better than anyone.

And remember one thing always fellow nice guys. I am easy going but one of my believes is in karma. So keep being nice!

They say nice guys finish last.... Who is the last guy a woman dates? Her husband

 

[septicemia]

I think you are right. Girls your age are generally not looking to settle down. Have fun, be your self, you never know when someone you are into, will fall for you too.

 

[IgnoredOne]

A few possibilities:

1) You get committed too quickly - that in itself is more than a little scary.

2) Agreeing with everything highly implies that you don't have a stand in anything. The Churchill quote is relevant: "You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."

3)Treat girls as human beings, not priceless whitewashed relics. This includes disagreeing sometimes; and if you really do have a great joy in helping others, you might want to bring that up to them. Show that you have passion, including helping others; if you work with animals, for example, talk about how much you love animals, your volunteer work, and how you feel things could be better.

See that is the most ridiculous thing. This is the kind of thing that makes me mad. First of all I get committed too quickly. So putting yourself in a position where you are loyal to your desire is bad?

Second I never said I agree with everything. I am easy going. HUGE HUGE HUGE difference. This is why i get mad when people are like nice guys are not confident blah blah blah. Just because I disagree does not mean I will voice the fact. If it is petty and would make her happy sure why not, i agree. Now if it is something like she says "i hate dogs" i would be pretty upset. I would say well i fuckin love dogs. POINT BLANK PERIOD. Being nice means you do not make problems out of things that can be ignored with no negative results. I feel bad for the people who still do not understand what many of us nice guys are. Just open minded.

Third, treat women like relics blah blah? WTF? Your whole post is really upsetting to be honest. It just shows how misguided women are when they meet nice men. In my mind what I see is i treat women like human being. You know who else i treat like a human being? me, you, we, us, everyone. And to me, humans are pretty ******* priceless "whitewashed relics".

So please, before you assume a nice guy is insincere, lacks confidence, and needs approval, consider the possibility that he is just open minded, easy going person, willing to listen to the likes, dislikes, faults and gifts of just about anyone, and you however are not. Don't think you are so special. I mean, you are. But to us nice guys you are just as special as everyone else to us, which is very special, but you are not better than anyone.

And remember one thing always fellow nice guys. I am easy going but one of my believes is in karma. So keep being nice!

They say nice guys finish last.... Who is the last guy a woman dates? Her husband

You seem to be emotional about this.

I raised possibilities, not proclamations. Getting committed too quickly is not a moral wrong, of course, but it can be scary or intimidating.

You disagree, but will not voice the fact? Does that strike you as being honest, or particularly respectful of your conversational partner? Honesty is the best respect that you can show anyone, and the most decent thing that anyone can do, in my opinion.

They say nice guys finish last.... Who is the last guy a woman dates? Her husband

Ever heard of the word 'sloppy seconds'?

 

[thefunkman]

A few possibilities:

1) You get committed too quickly - that in itself is more than a little scary.

2) Agreeing with everything highly implies that you don't have a stand in anything. The Churchill quote is relevant: "You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."

3)Treat girls as human beings, not priceless whitewashed relics. This includes disagreeing sometimes; and if you really do have a great joy in helping others, you might want to bring that up to them. Show that you have passion, including helping others; if you work with animals, for example, talk about how much you love animals, your volunteer work, and how you feel things could be better.

See that is the most ridiculous thing. This is the kind of thing that makes me mad. First of all I get committed too quickly. So putting yourself in a position where you are loyal to your desire is bad?

Second I never said I agree with everything. I am easy going. HUGE HUGE HUGE difference. This is why i get mad when people are like nice guys are not confident blah blah blah. Just because I disagree does not mean I will voice the fact. If it is petty and would make her happy sure why not, i agree. Now if it is something like she says "i hate dogs" i would be pretty upset. I would say well i fuckin love dogs. POINT BLANK PERIOD. Being nice means you do not make problems out of things that can be ignored with no negative results. I feel bad for the people who still do not understand what many of us nice guys are. Just open minded.

Third, treat women like relics blah blah? WTF? Your whole post is really upsetting to be honest. It just shows how misguided women are when they meet nice men. In my mind what I see is i treat women like human being. You know who else i treat like a human being? me, you, we, us, everyone. And to me, humans are pretty ******* priceless "whitewashed relics".

So please, before you assume a nice guy is insincere, lacks confidence, and needs approval, consider the possibility that he is just open minded, easy going person, willing to listen to the likes, dislikes, faults and gifts of just about anyone, and you however are not. Don't think you are so special. I mean, you are. But to us nice guys you are just as special as everyone else to us, which is very special, but you are not better than anyone.

And remember one thing always fellow nice guys. I am easy going but one of my believes is in karma. So keep being nice!

They say nice guys finish last.... Who is the last guy a woman dates? Her husband

You seem to be emotional about this.

I raised possibilities, not proclamations. Getting committed too quickly is not a moral wrong, of course, but it can be scary or intimidating.

You disagree, but will not voice the fact? Does that strike you as being honest, or particularly respectful of your conversational partner? Honesty is the best respect that you can show anyone, and the most decent thing that anyone can do, in my opinion.

They say nice guys finish last.... Who is the last guy a woman dates? Her husband

Ever heard of the word 'sloppy seconds'?

Lol. you are an interesting individual. Im not sure how not voicing the fact in for instance "how do you like the meal i cooked?" "this is amazing!" when i really think it looks kinda bad. But im nice and it does not hurt me to eat food that taste only ok. What it does do is make her feel better and happy. Is that wrong? If thats what you want. you belong with one of the jerks and thats totally cool because thats your choice and most of us nice guys dont want girls that are into those kind of backhanded compliments. It just shows a lack of self respect. When it comes to something like I said if you were paying attention, "something that can not be ignored without negative consequences" such as "i that its good we are in iraq"

If she said this I would be a nice guy still but state my opinion. You must have never met a nice guy because you don't seem to understand the concept of respectfully disagreeing. I would respond with "well why do you think its good?" to first completely understand where she is coming from. Then i would state my opinion. "well i see what you are saying and where you are coming from. I, however, feel it is just a government opportunity to pursue their insatiable greed while maintaining control of the people on their own soil.

Bam. I have no problem stating what I feel to be right. As you can see. But I do have a problem making someone feel bad when it is not necessary. Which is always

And as for sloppy seconds thing. That was COMPLETELY unnecessary. What was the logic behind an insult like that? I try to state something positive and constructive. And you come back with something that is neither. If by me promoting that nice guys do in fact finish with a good wife and kids. Then you go and insult that i said that, if not insult me as a person. So does that mean you promote mean guys?

 

[IgnoredOne]

Lol. you are an interesting individual. Im not sure how not voicing the fact in for instance "how do you like the meal i cooked?" "this is amazing!" when i really think it looks kinda bad. But im nice and it does not hurt me to eat food that taste only ok. What it does do is make her feel better and happy. Is that wrong?

Is being dishonest wrong? Like you said, there are ways of expressing things without it being hurtful. That is one of those cases. Is it so wrong to be grateful for someone for taking the time to cook the meal, without necessarily being dishonest about it? Find something positive that is also true?

If it was kinda bad, I would just focus on some part of it that /was/ well done, and then perhaps mention what I would like to have changed, gently. Now, on the other hand, if she asks me if this dress makes her look fat...

If thats what you want. you belong with one of the jerks and thats totally cool because thats your choice and most of us nice guys dont want girls that are into those kind of backhanded compliments. It just shows a lack of self respect. When it comes to something like I said if you were paying attention, "something that can not be ignored without negative consequences" such as "i that its good we are in iraq"

I think it is good at that we were in Iraq.

If she said this I would be a nice guy still but state my opinion. You must have never met a nice guy because you don't seem to understand the concept of respectfully disagreeing. I would respond with "well why do you think its good?" to first completely understand where she is coming from. Then i would state my opinion. "well i see what you are saying and where you are coming from. I, however, feel it is just a government opportunity to pursue their insatiable greed while maintaining control of the people on their own soil.

Without going into a political discussion, I've never said that I cannot respectfully disagree. What I find objection to, is that many 'nice guys' do sacrifice principle to make someone feel better and there are times when it is not necessary and is often detrimental.

 

[thefunkman]

Lol. you are an interesting individual. Im not sure how not voicing the fact in for instance "how do you like the meal i cooked?" "this is amazing!" when i really think it looks kinda bad. But im nice and it does not hurt me to eat food that taste only ok. What it does do is make her feel better and happy. Is that wrong?

Is being dishonest wrong? Like you said, there are ways of expressing things without it being hurtful. That is one of those cases. Is it so wrong to be grateful for someone for taking the time to cook the meal, without necessarily being dishonest about it? Find something positive that is also true?

If it was kinda bad, I would just focus on some part of it that /was/ well done, and then perhaps mention what I would like to have changed, gently. Now, on the other hand, if she asks me if this dress makes her look fat...

If thats what you want. you belong with one of the jerks and thats totally cool because thats your choice and most of us nice guys dont want girls that are into those kind of backhanded compliments. It just shows a lack of self respect. When it comes to something like I said if you were paying attention, "something that can not be ignored without negative consequences" such as "i that its good we are in iraq"

I think it is good at that we were in Iraq.

If she said this I would be a nice guy still but state my opinion. You must have never met a nice guy because you don't seem to understand the concept of respectfully disagreeing. I would respond with "well why do you think its good?" to first completely understand where she is coming from. Then i would state my opinion. "well i see what you are saying and where you are coming from. I, however, feel it is just a government opportunity to pursue their insatiable greed while maintaining control of the people on their own soil.

Without going into a political discussion, I've never said that I cannot respectfully disagree. What I find objection to, is that many 'nice guys' do sacrifice principle to make someone feel better and there are times when it is not necessary and is often detrimental.

Sigh. You don't really follow a logical train of thought. So first off, you have to be a low, spineless, weak, person to not suck it up and eat a odd tasting meal to put a smile on someones face. If that is not worth it to you, what is a life worth to you? because a smile is a piece of life and eating something that you would LOVE if you were not spoiled by surplus, is a small price to pay to put a smile on someones face even for a second.

As far as your opinion on iraq, that is not the topic i don't know why you are trying to create an argument. This is a thread for constructive conversation. If you really wanted to talk about iraq you would have replied with backbone. Meaning you would have stated i think its good we are in iraq because....and had valid, logical reasons. Not just state something debatable with no substance to back up your opinion.

And you continue to say this nice guy dont stand up for themselves, dont stand their ground, dont stick to believes. Well I am a nice guy who has been stating my opinion this whole time! YET i have also been ignoring things that are not relevant to this conversation not because im lying or weak. But simply because it is not constructive to bring them up.

Its just logic

 

[IgnoredOne]

Sigh. You don't really follow a logical train of thought. So first off, you have to be a low, spineless, weak, person to not suck it up and eat a odd tasting meal to put a smile on someones face. If that is not worth it to you, what is a life worth to you? because a smile is a piece of life and eating something that you would LOVE if you were not spoiled by surplus, is a small price to pay to put a smile on someones face even for a second.

I never said that. I said that I didn't have to say that its amazing when it isn't; I could just find some other way to compliment the individual for his/her time and effort. And I do not believe that life by itself has any particular instrinsic value.

I also have not called you any of those names. I simply said that it was dishonest to say that something was amazing when it wasn't.

as far as your opinion on iraq, that is not the topic i don't know why you are trying to create an argument. This is a thread for constructive conversation. If you really wanted to talk about iraq you would have replied with backbone.

If I had done so, that would have further deviated the topic. I stated my opinion and that seems sufficient. There is PM for the rest.

And you continue to say this nice guy dont stand up for themselves, dont stand their ground, dont stick to believes. Well I am a nice guy who has been stating my opinion this whole time!

I have not said that. I believe that some 'nice guys' are willing to compromise what they apparently believe in to agree with others, especially women, in order to be more liked or just to make someone happy. I feel that is dishonest. If you are different, more power to you.

 

[thefunkman]

Sigh. You don't really follow a logical train of thought. So first off, you have to be a low, spineless, weak, person to not suck it up and eat a odd tasting meal to put a smile on someones face. If that is not worth it to you, what is a life worth to you? because a smile is a piece of life and eating something that you would LOVE if you were not spoiled by surplus, is a small price to pay to put a smile on someones face even for a second.

I never said that. I said that I didn't have to say that its amazing when it isn't; I could just find some other way to compliment the individual for his/her time and effort. And I do not believe that life by itself has any particular instrinsic value.

I also have not called you any of those names. I simply said that it was dishonest to say that something was amazing when it wasn't.

as far as your opinion on iraq, that is not the topic i don't know why you are trying to create an argument. This is a thread for constructive conversation. If you really wanted to talk about iraq you would have replied with backbone.

If I had done so, that would have further deviated the topic. I stated my opinion and that seems sufficient. There is PM for the rest.

And you continue to say this nice guy dont stand up for themselves, dont stand their ground, dont stick to believes. Well I am a nice guy who has been stating my opinion this whole time!

I have not said that. I believe that some 'nice guys' are willing to compromise what they apparently believe in to agree with others, especially women, in order to be more liked or just to make someone happy. I feel that is dishonest. If you are different, more power to you.

Well its simple. The reason we do not understand eachother is because I see things differently. Were I look at the world and look not at lies and truths, giving and taking, killing and being killed. I look at the world as right and wrong. In every situation you encounter you may have to lie, cheat, steal. But depending on the situation it could be right, could be wrong. Always do right. Now thats the gap. You have sociopathy and i do not so I grasp right and wrong concepts over doing the same thing in every situation. You can't do that because every situation is different.