Why are Women afraid to touch me?

[michael2]

This happens allot

There will be a group of people, we are saying goodbyes, the girls are hugging the guys, but when they come to me, it's a handshake, or a wave.

There's this new girl at work, she reached out to grab my arm but caught herself and pulled back at the last second. Same girl today hugged a male coworker right next to me, then just waved to me goodbye.

If your wondering I don't smell and am I not sloppy or unkempt

 

[okidoke]

You should tell them straight out how their actions make you feel and ask them why they do it. Here that sort of exclusionary behaviour in the workplace is deemed a type of bullying.

 

[michael2]

Well, this happens all the time in and outside work. If they don't feel comfortable hugging me that's fine, I just wish I knew why.

I just see other girls playfully touch guys, hug them, but it's hands off with me. It's just this girl at work was about to touch me playfully a few days ago but caught herself and pulled back awkwardly. Then today she hugs a coworker but just waves to me when we are standing right next to each other

 

[okidoke]

Again, you could do as I suggested. You might get an answer. You could even approach them with the intention that you want to improve your relationship with people and you need their input, as painful as it might be. Most will probably lie anyway because they don’t want to actually admit they’re asshats.

 

[Unsigned]

This happens allot

There will be a group of people, we are saying goodbyes, the girls are hugging the guys, but when they come to me, it's a handshake, or a wave.

There's this new girl at work, she reached out to grab my arm but caught herself and pulled back at the last second. Same girl today hugged a male coworker right next to me, then just waved to me goodbye.

If your wondering I don't smell and am I not sloppy or unkempt

Same with me, but I have to admit.
It's me not them.
I have a very strong aversion to physical contact with girls whom I am not having sex with.
It's all or nothing with me.
There have been females at work who have hugged guys and when it comes to me...I kinda throw some body language that says "back off"...and it's just a handshake. But it's totally me, not them.

 

[michael2]

Again, you could do as I suggested. You might get an answer. You could even approach them with the intention that you want to improve your relationship with people and you need their input, as painful as it might be. Most will probably lie anyway because they don’t want to actually admit they’re asshats.

I'm not interested enough in the answer to risk asking them. Too much risk to come off whiney or even creepy if I do imo. I'm not interested romantically in any of them either. Was wandering if someone here had an idea. I think it's either they simply dont feel comfortable around me or they don't want to give me any ideas.

Like you said if I did ask they would probably lie anyway. I dont think they are meaning to be rude to me, I didnt give them any reason to dislike me and like the person they did hug. It happens so often there can't be all these rude people out to get me.

Same with me, but I have to admit.
It's me not them.
I have a very strong aversion to physical contact with girls whom I am not having sex with.
It's all or nothing with me.
There have been females at work who have hugged guys and when it comes to me...I kinda throw some body language that says "back off"...and it's just a handshake. But it's totally me, not them.

OK so its your body language

It's probably the same with me. I'd like to think I'm intimidating (in a good way) but it's hard to say for sure.

 

[okidoke]

I'm not interested enough in the answer to risk asking them. Too much risk to come off whiney or even creepy if I do imo.

Well maybe you're already giving off creepy vibes. If they already think so little of you, why care if you come off whiney or creepy. Call them out. I hate letting people get away with shittie behaviour. Let them justify their actions. Even if they lie, at least you'll gauge them better.

 

[ardour]

You should tell them straight out how their actions make you feel and ask them why they do it. Here that sort of exclusionary behaviour in the workplace is deemed a type of bullying.

Are you drinking/drunk?

Coworkers aren't obligated to hug one another, it's a personal choice. That's a sure fire way to worsen matters with his female coworkers. He's marking himself out as an embittered lunatic saying something like this. It's a likely complaint to HR actually.

 

[okidoke]

Are you drinking/drunk?

Coworkers aren't obligated to hug one another, it's a personal choice. Second, that's a sure fire way to worsen matters with his female coworkers. He's basically marking himself out as an embittered lunatic saying something like this. It's a likely complaint to HR. Jeez.

of course they're not obliged, but they should treat people in a similar fashion, not make them feel left out, ostracised. I'm just saying he could ask why he's being treated differently, less affably. I'll excuse your accusation that I've been drinking.

 

[TheRealCallie]

A handshake is touching, so clearly they aren't afraid. And just stop with the creepy/awkward/whatever part. Why does everyone jump to that?

I would imagine hugs are reserved for the people one is close to. I don't go around hugging random people or people I work with just because they are there and I'm sure you don't either and I sure most people don't. That's not how it works and that's not how it should work. You aren't entitled to hugs from people just because they hug others. It's not shitty behavior.

 

[TheRealCallie]

but they should treat people in a similar fashion, not make them feel left out, ostracised.

So, I should hug all the people who witness me hugging my grandmother when I leave her apartment building?

 

[okidoke]

So, I should hug all the people who witness me hugging my grandmother when I leave her apartment building?

how is that the same?

anyway, everyone can just forget everything i said here - to be honest, I don't even give a toss anymore

 

[TheRealCallie]

how is that the same?

anyway, everyone can just forget everything i said here - to be honest, I don't even give a toss anymore

How is it not the same? I see them very often, sometimes on a daily basis. I talk to them, I interact with them. A few of them, I've known almost my entire life.

 

[okidoke]

How is it not the same? I see them very often, sometimes on a daily basis. I talk to them, I interact with them. A few of them, I've known almost my entire life.

anyway, everyone can just forget everything i said here - to be honest, I don't even give a toss anymore

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Yikes… idk… hopefully its because you are fat or something you can change. I dont hug large people personally, so that could be it?

 

[randomguy]

It just gets more and more ridiculous.

 

[michael2]

A handshake is touching, so clearly they aren't afraid. And just stop with the creepy/awkward/whatever part. Why does everyone jump to that?

I would imagine hugs are reserved for the people one is close to. I don't go around hugging random people or people I work with just because they are there and I'm sure you don't either and I sure most people don't. That's not how it works and that's not how it should work. You aren't entitled to hugs from people just because they hug others. It's not shitty behavior.

It's not jumping to that, it's just keeping it in mind. It's something you have to do when you are a man.

How would you feel if a guy hugged your friend who was standing right next to you, and then just waved to you goodbye? Would you just say "I'm not entitled to hugs"?

Yikes… idk… hopefully its because you are fat or something you can change. I dont hug large people personally, so that could be it?

At work the guy who she hugged and touches frequently is very fat.

I think she's worried about giving mixed signals to me, so she's keeping her distance. She doesn't want me to think she likes me in that way, which is fine. It's unfortunately how single men and women have to be around eachother, unless something straightforward is said, like "I like you as a friend" etc

 

[TheRealCallie]

How would you feel if a guy hugged your friend who was standing right next to you, and then just waved to you goodbye? Would you just say "I'm not entitled to hugs"?

I would think I am not close enough to that guy to get a hug and I wouldn't expect a hug. I think I already said that. So yes, I would say I am not entled to a hug by that guy and also, I wouldn't want one because I am clearly not close enough to him to give a hug back.

Also, if you don't want to be creepy, don't be inappropriate, don't leer at people, don't ogle them, don't stalk them, don't do dodgy honeysuckle. That's how you accomplish not being creepy. If you aren't doing those things, you aren't creepy.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

It's not jumping to that, it's just keeping it in mind. It's something you have to do when you are a man.

How would you feel if a guy hugged your friend who was standing right next to you, and then just waved to you goodbye? Would you just say "I'm not entitled to hugs"?



At work the guy who she hugged and touches frequently is very fat.

I think she's worried about giving mixed signals to me, so she's keeping her distance. She doesn't want me to think she likes me in that way, which is fine. It's unfortunately how single men and women have to be around eachother, unless something straightforward is said, like "I like you as a friend" etc

You know that makes sense, I read some thing that says men can feel boobs during innocent hugs and I was like wow how can you innocently hug a man now

 

[randomguy]

nm