Hi,
I'm Chris. I just found this forum, and thought I'd join. So. A little about myself ... I'm 36, and I'm in Australia. Don't really have any friends. Never have. I just don't fit in with anyone, don't belong there. I went through a lot of bullying during high school, and university, and even when I got a job. Now It's at the point where I often go for days without leaving the house, because it just feels like I don't belong in the world. From as young as I can remember, I've alway been the outsider, in any group I tried to be in. I've always had to do things alone. And I'm just beyond sick and tired of it. Watching everyone else have friends, and relationships, and never finding anyone who will .. well, never finding anyone who will be honest, and let me get close. And stay. The last date I went on was in 1996, and that didn't go well. I've never had my first kiss. Or even held hands. I can't even remember what a hug feels like. I've been told for most of my life that if I ever want physical contact with someone, if I ever want to have intimacy, I'm going to have to pay for it. But that just makes the feelings of rejection even worse. I've been in and out of therapy since I was 17. Since 1999 I've been to over 16 therapists, and they all end up giving up, saying that they don't know what to do and that I should just accept that I'll always be alone. I just don't know what else to do. It even feels that I don't fit in anywhere online, since there is very few people I talk to online now. There's no groups around to join, and I've even done volunteer work, but, that only made things worse. I'd just really like a friend to go out with, and do things and share things with .... I just don't know what else to do.
I'm Chris. I just found this forum, and thought I'd join. So. A little about myself ... I'm 36, and I'm in Australia. Don't really have any friends. Never have. I just don't fit in with anyone, don't belong there. I went through a lot of bullying during high school, and university, and even when I got a job. Now It's at the point where I often go for days without leaving the house, because it just feels like I don't belong in the world. From as young as I can remember, I've alway been the outsider, in any group I tried to be in. I've always had to do things alone. And I'm just beyond sick and tired of it. Watching everyone else have friends, and relationships, and never finding anyone who will .. well, never finding anyone who will be honest, and let me get close. And stay. The last date I went on was in 1996, and that didn't go well. I've never had my first kiss. Or even held hands. I can't even remember what a hug feels like. I've been told for most of my life that if I ever want physical contact with someone, if I ever want to have intimacy, I'm going to have to pay for it. But that just makes the feelings of rejection even worse. I've been in and out of therapy since I was 17. Since 1999 I've been to over 16 therapists, and they all end up giving up, saying that they don't know what to do and that I should just accept that I'll always be alone. I just don't know what else to do. It even feels that I don't fit in anywhere online, since there is very few people I talk to online now. There's no groups around to join, and I've even done volunteer work, but, that only made things worse. I'd just really like a friend to go out with, and do things and share things with .... I just don't know what else to do.
