I'm new. I'm 20, female and I live in the middle of nowhere in the UK.
I suffered from social anxiety for three years and at my worst I couldn't go outside the door without an overwhelming sense of panic. This left me completely alone, I ended up being home schooled and never saw any of my friends again.
I'm now *very* lonely, I live in a large house surrounded by hardly anything but woods and fields with my parents, but my living space is sort of separated from theirs so when I come in or go out, I hardly see them anyway.
To this day I don't have a single friend. I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend, never even held a guy's hand. I've probably got the life experience of a 12 year old. I'm so painfully shy that it's hard to talk to girls, but almost impossible to talk to guys.
I go to college, where i spend most of the time alone, or with people who don't give a toss about me then talk about me when my back's turned, after college I wander around town alone until the bus is due. I hate that part, especially in winter when it gets dark early.
When I come home I walk in and straight up to my room and onto the computer all night, and that's it for me. Every single day. I'm like a zombie, i'm not living, I'm just stalling, waiting and hoping something will change.
And it's not like I haven't tried. I've tried so hard with people in college, it's hard for me as it is being a shy and boring person, but I kept trying to talk with them, trying to involve myself but they only wanted to know me in class when they needed help with something, that was it.
The worst part is, once you're alone, it becomes so difficult to get out of it. The harder I try, the more frustrated I get. I sometimes even get all dressed and made up for no reason whatsoever and go out by myself into town, and then everywhere i go, I see people in the street in groups of friends and I just wonder why it's all so easy for them, and do they even know how lucky they are?
I had my father say to me recently, "why don't yo have any friends? why don't you go out with any people your age?"
It makes me so frustrated to listen to that, it's as if he thinks I like being this way, or as if I can go out now and pluck some random people off the street to call my "friends".
Anyway, I'm mumbling on, hello anyway!
I suffered from social anxiety for three years and at my worst I couldn't go outside the door without an overwhelming sense of panic. This left me completely alone, I ended up being home schooled and never saw any of my friends again.
I'm now *very* lonely, I live in a large house surrounded by hardly anything but woods and fields with my parents, but my living space is sort of separated from theirs so when I come in or go out, I hardly see them anyway.
To this day I don't have a single friend. I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend, never even held a guy's hand. I've probably got the life experience of a 12 year old. I'm so painfully shy that it's hard to talk to girls, but almost impossible to talk to guys.
I go to college, where i spend most of the time alone, or with people who don't give a toss about me then talk about me when my back's turned, after college I wander around town alone until the bus is due. I hate that part, especially in winter when it gets dark early.
When I come home I walk in and straight up to my room and onto the computer all night, and that's it for me. Every single day. I'm like a zombie, i'm not living, I'm just stalling, waiting and hoping something will change.
And it's not like I haven't tried. I've tried so hard with people in college, it's hard for me as it is being a shy and boring person, but I kept trying to talk with them, trying to involve myself but they only wanted to know me in class when they needed help with something, that was it.
The worst part is, once you're alone, it becomes so difficult to get out of it. The harder I try, the more frustrated I get. I sometimes even get all dressed and made up for no reason whatsoever and go out by myself into town, and then everywhere i go, I see people in the street in groups of friends and I just wonder why it's all so easy for them, and do they even know how lucky they are?
I had my father say to me recently, "why don't yo have any friends? why don't you go out with any people your age?"
It makes me so frustrated to listen to that, it's as if he thinks I like being this way, or as if I can go out now and pluck some random people off the street to call my "friends".
Anyway, I'm mumbling on, hello anyway!